Tow Tow Tow Your Car, Gentley Down the Street....

[Argabarga]

I NEVER LOSE!!!!!

-This is Argabarga with Friendly Neighborhood Towing, I believe someone at this number called looking for a Gold Chrysler from 225 Woodchuck St?
-YES!
-It looks like we have it, that car was called into us for not having a permit for where it parked, it will be $115 to…
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONE HUNDRED FIFTYYYY???
-I mean the total charge on the vehicle right now is…
-DON’T GIVE ME ANY ATTITUDE! THAT WAS MY SPACE AND YOU TOWED ME FOR NO REASON, I’M COMING DOWN THERE NOW AND GETTING MY CAR FOR FREE!
-I’m sorry Sir, but I cannot release that vehicle unless it is paid for
-That’s my car and that was MY spot you towed it from!!!! So it’s coming back! RIGHT NOW! FOR FREE!!!! YOU CAN’T TOW ME FROM MY SPACE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!
-Actually Sir, we can, that car was called into us for not having a permit for that lot, all vehicles in that lot must display permits to park there, those are the lot rules of A-B-C Reality who own it
-I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHO CALLED IT IN, I SAID I’M GETTING IT BACK FOR FREE! AND DON’T THINK I WON’T SUE YOU!!! I’VE WON BEFORE AND I’LL JUST WIN AGAIN!!!!! I PAY LIKE $500 A MONTH TO A-G-D REALITY TO GET THAT SPACE!!!!
-Well Sir, the rules for A-B-C Reality are…
-I KNOW WHAT THE RULES FOR A-G-D ARE! AND YOU CAN’T TOW ME!!!! NOW CALL YOUR MANAGER!
-He’ll be in on Monday
-NOT GOOD ENOUGH! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! CALL THE OWNER!
-Sorry Sir, but if you have any complaints or questions, you’ll have to talk to the manager on Monday, he usually comes in at 9am. For tonight, the only thing I can do is take payment and release the vehicle
-I SAID CALL THE OWNER!
-I have no way of getting in touch with them
-YOU CAN’T CALL YOUR OWNER? YOU HAVE NO WAY OF REACHING HIM?
-No Sir, not at 2am (which it was)
-YOU COULD IF IT WERE AN EMERGENCY!!! AND THAT’S WHAT THIS IS!!! A COMMERCIAL EMERGENCY!!! I’M A DELIVERY DRIVER AND I’M LOSING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS WITHOUT MY CAR!!!!

How cute, that’s a new one on me. But it’s still not the genuine kind of Emergency ™ that would have me wanting to call the owner up at 2am… I honestly wouldn’t do that unless this place had just become a smoldering crater, and even then, I probably wouldn’t call the owner up. I’d NEED every second of that precious 6 hour head start to get as many time zones ahead of the possible repercussions.


-Like I said Sir, you’ll have to pay to get the car back tonight, and then take up any complaints you have with the manager on Monday
-YOU’RE REALLY RUNNING A SHITTY OPERATION IF YOU CAN’T GET A MANAGER FOR ME RIGHT NOW!!!! GUESS I’ll JUST HAVE TO SUE YOU GUYS! AND DON’T THINK I WON’T WIN! I WIN EVERY TIME!!!!
-Well Sir…
-OR CALL A-G-D REALITY!!! THEY’LL TELL YOU WHO I AM!
-I have no way of contacting anyone with A-B-C Reality at this hour
-FINE! I’LL CALL A-G-D MYSELF!!!

*click*

Awww, that’s too bad, I was really hoping to get some more mileage out of that call, since it had been a fairly uneventful night up till that point. And if he’s been cutting checks to A-G-D Reality instead of A-B-C Reality, well, that might go a long way to explaining why he’s in his current pickle. The icing on the cake? After the call ended, I went out to double-check the car, just to make sure it did not have a permit that I missed somehow. It didn’t, but it did have some mail inside, left on the dash, with a return address of the local Jail… Funny, I thought he said he always wins when matters of law are concerned…..


Time to Kick the Anthill

So named because as I’m hooking the car I came in for, a bunch of people come running out of the building and about 3 other cars in the lot are soon fired up and depart at fast speed. The last guy of the group comes over to me and asks.

-“It’s okay for me to park here right?”
-“Not without a permit” I tell him
-“Well, what about over there?” He asks, pointing across the street
-“That’s the same complex as over here, same rules, no permit? You get towed.”
-“Well, what about in the street?”
-“Borough property, parking is permitted, but not overnight, between 2am and 6am, they ticket and might tow.”

Now he’s getting genuinely angry

-“Well, where the hell am I supposed to park then?”
-“Public parking, either a meter lot or a parking garage”
-“No! I wanna know where the FREE PARKING is!”

Have you tried a Monopoly board? Well, actually, I didn’t say that. I got ever so close to saying it before that tiny little angel living on my right shoulder gave me his patented thousand-yard-stare and cocked his head as if to say “You REALLY wanna say that, huh bub? He also appeared to be palming something in his right hand that looked vaguely like a rusty switchblade, so I ended up responding with an edited-for-public-consumption version of basically the same thing….

-“There isn’t any“

So, he strikes the “tough-guy” pose and marches on down to his car. Gets in, squeals his tires backing out of the spot, squeals his tires leaving the lot and getting on the main road, squeals his tires down the street, and I can hear him squeal them again at the stop sign about 150 yards down at the exit of the neighborhood and onto the main road. Right where the cops always sit at the abandoned convenience store and watch for speeders… I saw the blue and red lights as I came up to the intersection about 4 minutes later, but sadly, they had pulled over someone else.

Oh, and all the commotion in the lot attracted the owner of the vehicle I had hooked. It took 4 tries with 4 different credit cards before she found one in her purse she hadn’t blown her limit on to pay for a drop and a ticket. Fun stuff.

Shocked Senseless

-I’m looking for my car, it was parked at 242 California Avenue, and now it’s missing.
-A silver Mazda MPV van? Maryland plates? Yes we have that vehicle it will be $115 to pick up.
…
…
…
…
Uh oh, did genuine Nextel quality just strike again?

-Ma’m?
…
-I’m speechless! I’m…. I’m…. I’m just FLOORED that you towed me!

Your car doesn’t have a permit, you drove past the sign that said “permit parking only” and left it there overnight… forgive me if I don’t share your opinion.


I Intend to Make Myself a Nuisance, I am Making Myself a Nuisance, Nuisance-Making Complete

This one started with a high suck potential, guy had been towed for having no permit for where he parked and already had tried the usual litany of excuses and yelled and might have cussed a bit. I don’t remember what he said because none of it was memorable. At this point, if you want me to remember you for mocking at a later date, you really have to do something original and annoying… like for example, when we’re filling out the paperwork to release the car say something like:

“There better not be anything missing from inside that car!”
“My cellphone was in the car, and if it’s not there, I’m going to sue you!”
“I really hope I can’t find it, because then I’ll sue you!”

Any one of those lines alone would have been bad enough, but this guy was a firm believer in quantity over quality and used all three in rapid succession. I of course gave the perfunctory responses, No, we don’t enter vehicles, it’s against the law and unnecessary to tow them anyway, there’s security cameras in the back, if you’d like to claim damage/theft, there’s forms to fill out and the managers will review the camera footage in the morning, etc, etc, etc. Still, this guy has pulled the James Bond Villain Mistake™ of basically informing me of a nefarious scheme he’s going to carry out BEFORE he actually does it, so as I’m writing with my left hand I’m reaching into the cupboard under the desk and thumbing for a complaint form with my other because know I know he plans on filing a complaint he knows is baseless just to inconvenience us.
As soon as he walks out I’m already filling it in with the time, date, kind of car, nature of complaint (missing property) and so on when one of my drivers in the back impound lot radios up. Mr. Blofeld is indeed claiming we stole his cellphone because he can’t find it.

“Fine, send him back up for the paperwork” I say

I put the completed form down on the counter with a pen and wait for him to walk in so I can just tell him to sign it and leave and I’ll turn it into the office

And I wait

And wait

And wait

And wait

And after 15 minutes I conclude that Blofeld isn’t going to actually show up. So the form goes in the garbage along with the complaint. Seriously though, I’d like to know if he abandoned the attempt because:

A. He found the missing phone and realized it wasn’t stolen after all
B. He realized that he’d have to do paperwork, wait for phone calls, follow up with more phone calls, contact his attorney, etc, if he really wanted to sue us and decided that, like following the signs that said “Private Parking” it was too much work if he wasn’t going to just get a blank check and a complimentary T-shirt the instant he complained
C. He has ADD and got distracted by OOOOH LOOK AT THE SHINY FLASHING NEON SIGN OVER THERE THAT SAYS “KEYS MADE”!!!
D. All of the above

[Mr Hero]

C. He has ADD and got distracted by OOOOH LOOK AT THE SHINY FLASHING NEON SIGN OVER THERE THAT SAYS “KEYS MADE”!!!

Oooh squirrel!

[MoonCat]

Mr. AGD vs ABC: Well, he said he wins lawsuits. Never said he won any criminal cases in which he was the defendant.

Mr. I Want Free Parking: Gotta love the squealing tires. "Look at me, world! I'm a badass and I'm pissed off! I'm sooooo scary!" Meh - more like childish.

Mr. Missing Cellphone: Probably pulled the phone out of his back pocket and was in the process of calling his attorney when it dawned on him...

[emax4]

I'm just curious.. I know all this helps you guys stay in business, but is there any parking for non-residents whatsoever in this big place, or there are a ton of places within a reasonable walking distance but people are careless or just idiots? If I lived there and had out-of-town relatives come by every so often, and had to always have them park further away because there was never any visitor parking, I'd complain about it or simply move. What complex allows parking for residents only but prohibits visitors of every kind unless they arrive by shuttle bus, which the complex doesn't supply?

[PepperElf]

i'm more of an "o look! butterfly!" type myself.

[Tuxian]

I'm just curious.. I know all this helps you guys stay in business, but is there any parking for non-residents whatsoever in this big place, or there are a ton of places within a reasonable walking distance but people are careless or just idiots? If I lived there and had out-of-town relatives come by every so often, and had to always have them park further away because there was never any visitor parking, I'd complain about it or simply move. What complex allows parking for residents only but prohibits visitors of every kind unless they arrive by shuttle bus, which the complex doesn't supply?

Most of the time, lots like the kind Arga patrols have one of two ways of dealing with visitors.

1) There's a designated "Visitors only" area of the lot, or in some cases the lot is open for parking between certain hours, but after a certain time it becomes permit-only.
2) The office for the complex or building can issue visitor passes to guests that will be around for a while, usually for a small fee.

My own apartments, we have regular uncovered parking spaces which are free-for-all, and covered parking spaces which are by permit.

[Argabarga]

I'm just curious.. I know all this helps you guys stay in business, but is there any parking for non-residents whatsoever in this big place, or there are a ton of places within a reasonable walking distance but people are careless or just idiots? If I lived there and had out-of-town relatives come by every so often, and had to always have them park further away because there was never any visitor parking, I'd complain about it or simply move. What complex allows parking for residents only but prohibits visitors of every kind unless they arrive by shuttle bus, which the complex doesn't supply?

They're lazy/won't plan ahead, they would rather park within ten paces of the door and risk a $115 tow than walk 4 - 8 blocks from a garage/lot where it would cost $5 - $8 to park or plan ahead and get a $3 per day pass.

I've lived in this town my entire life, and I always hear people bellyache about how there's "never any parking" and I never have had a problem finding any, so when I inquire further, turns out they want FREE parking no more than 5 steps from where they were planning on going... yeah, good luck with that.

[mikoyan29]

I'm just curious.. I know all this helps you guys stay in business, but is there any parking for non-residents whatsoever in this big place, or there are a ton of places within a reasonable walking distance but people are careless or just idiots? If I lived there and had out-of-town relatives come by every so often, and had to always have them park further away because there was never any visitor parking, I'd complain about it or simply move. What complex allows parking for residents only but prohibits visitors of every kind unless they arrive by shuttle bus, which the complex doesn't supply?

Given where he lives and the fact it is a college town, I would say yes but it does not just jump out at you.

[Mr Hero]

I believe Jay 2k could share with us his insights on squeal tires guy.

[barainga]

A COMMERCIAL EMERGENCY!!! I’M A DELIVERY DRIVER AND I’M LOSING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS WITHOUT MY CAR!!!!

I heard this excuse at the cellphone call center often. Amazing how many business people can lose hundreds or even thousands of dollars because they dont read signs and dont pay their bills one time.

Have you tried a Monopoly board? Well, actually, I didn’t say that. I got ever so close to saying it before that tiny little angel living on my right shoulder gave me his patented thousand-yard-stare and cocked his head as if to say “You REALLY wanna say that, huh bub?

Your good angel sounds like Wolverine... so whos your bad angel? Sabretooth?

[Chanlin]

I heard this excuse at the cellphone call center often. Amazing how many business people can lose hundreds or even thousands of dollars because they dont read signs and dont pay their bills one time.

I heard this quite often myself. I typically returned with "If you own a business than you can appreciate the need to pay on time."

[Jay 2K Winger]

I believe Jay 2k could share with us his insights on squeal tires guy.

Well, I COULD say "squeal those tires louder, I can't hear how small your dick is," but that would be immature of me.

i'm more of an "o look! butterfly!" type myself.

I've always been partial to the Guybrush Threepwood standby.

"LOOK! A three-headed monkey!"

[TheCheerfulTreeRat]

Oooh squirrel!

Yes? You wanted something?

[Sandman]

What would happen if someone's car was in the shop and they had a rental? I know one lot I just had to place a note in the window with my permit number, description of vehicle, tag number, and reason why I had a different vehicle.

[Jester]

In my complex, which DOES require parking permits, I would simply take the permit out of my windshield and put it in the windshield of the rental, as well as informing the front office of what I was doing. They really only check to make sure there is a valid permit there, and don't go about seeing if the permit matches the vehicle on record, since they really don't care what vehicle you are using, as long as it has a valid permit, so there are not more cars than parking spaces. Well, a LOT more cars than spaces, since there ARE already more cars than spaces. One of those "first come, first serve" type deals. Which makes my "bike to work whenever possible" policy far more pleasant, since I have to deal with the parking bullshit far less than I used to.