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  • My Morning WTF...

    Mk, so I'm working at a small, private university bookstore now, and this? This is what awaits me in my email box this morning... (note, I've redacted names and ID info, but other than that, this is the exact body of the email...)

    Quoth email
    "Good Evening,

    Hello. My name is <redacted> and I have been an adjunct instructor for <Random College> several years. I am also a graduate student at <University>. I have just recently published my latest books entitled "Book Title 1" and "Book Title 2" which is why I am writing you today. I have taught in both public and private schools for over 14 years. I have grown and learned so much as a teacher and motivational speaker throughout the years and I just wanted to create something that would inspire, encourage, and motivate aspiring and veteran educators. By purchasing copies of my book and making them available I believe we can make a difference in the lives of others. I feel by educating, inspiring, and encouraging teachers, you will see a difference not only in their lives, but in the lives of the students, parents, staff etc. as well. Both books can be used as a guide in staff development, self-study, group study, or just for the purpose of self-reflection. I hope we can work together in creating an atmosphere in schools that promotes love and academic success. Book Title 2" has the same purpose,but written for anyone in the workforce. To order copies of "Book Title 1" and/or "Book Title 2" please visit: <redacted> or see the above attachment. Please feel free to contact me via email @ <redacted> I can also be reached by telephone @ <redacted>. Thank you so much for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon."


    Thank you,

    <redacted>

    Now, 1, Writer is self published, which we can't officially sell. 2. we can't sell books that AREN'T needed for classes/requested by professors for class or literary events. 3. The ONLY reviews for these books are supposedly written by her mother. Behold:


    Quoth Review: Book Title 1
    "This is my lovely daughter! Congratulations! I really enjoyed reading this book, after I began reading it; I couldn't put it down, and I ended up reading the entire book! It has vital information within its readings and anyone that reads this book WILL gain lots of knowledge, wisdom, and great understanding from it. It's a book that one can refer to over and over again; not only in the workforce, but within their everyday lives! Keep up the good work daughter and I can't wait to read ALL other books that you put out! I'm so thankful to have you as my daughter and I'm VERY PROUD of you! God Bless and keep you under his wings ALWAYS! Love you DEARLY!

    Mom"

    and


    Quoth Review: Book Title 2
    First of all I would like to give God the glory, honor, and praise for such wonderful, intelligent, inspiring, motivating, loving, caring, sharing, and spiritually filled daughter! I read both of her books the minute they were released and I couldn't put them down. It seems as though my daughter was born a teacher right out of the womb! My mother who is <Author>'s grandmother told her that she was going to be a teacher one day when she watched her playing teacher all the time, and God rest her soul; she was absolutely right! Every teacher should read this book over and over again. As a matter of fact, they should keep it as their second Bible because of its motivating and inspiring words. I'm so proud of my daughter and she and I have opened up a private homeschool in <city> "<Name> Academy Homeschool", and the children simply LOVE it! They are excelling in every area. My special words to my daughter from the beginning have always been "Keep JESUS in your life and you will go far, and that's exactly what she's done and will continue to do for the rest of her life. I am so very PROUD of her; she is an awesome daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, niece, co-worker, CEO assistant, inspirational speaker, entrepreneur, author, and most of all Mother! Keep up the good work daughter and you will succeed in all that you do!

    Love Mom!


    Other problems: She's purposefully making a nuisance of herself. She's called about this, and was told we can't order books now, inventory is coming up, but we'd re-examine it after the first week of April. She's also having other people call in and ask "when is <Author>'s wonderful books going to be in your store"

    She's also said "other stores have all carried them, you're the only one not!"

    My poor boss is being inundated. I just...what the hell?? Self promotion done WRONG, and she won't listen to reason. What a way to start a Friday.
    Last edited by lupo pazzesco; 03-23-2012, 02:21 PM.

  • #2
    and Chai....

    email her back and tell her she needs to contact the dean of the education dept. as they are the ones that make the decisions about what material is going to be included/required for course work.

    do not provide the dean's name, nor email/contact information; do not give even the gender away - use s/he for all your pronouns.

    send separate email to dean, warning them;
    I am well versed in the "gentle" art of verbal self-defense

    Once is an accident; Twice is coincidence; Thrice is a pattern.

    http://www.gofundme.com/treasurenathanwedding

    Comment


    • #3
      Talk about pushy! whoa

      Comment


      • #4
        Wow! I think the fact that she couldn't find anyone other than her own mother willing to read & review a copy of the book sort of says it all, LOL.
        I think I'd treat them like all the other junk emails, consider them mental viagra ads, and trash them.

        Madness takes it's toll....
        Please have exact change ready.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth lupo pazzesco View Post
          ... we'd re-examine it the first day of April, so it can be evaluated in the proper spirit.
          How I'd reply.
          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

          Comment


          • #6
            So these are basically unsolicited selling emails, "junk" as Merriweather so rightly described them? Isn't there a law against spam in the US?
            This was one of those times where my mouth says "have a nice day" but my brain says "go step on a Lego". - RegisterAce
            I can't make something magically appear to fulfill all your hopes and dreams. Believe me, if I could I'd be the first person I'd help. - Trixie

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth lupo pazzesco View Post
              She's also said "other stores have all carried them, you're the only one not!"
              "Well then, it should be easy for anyone who wants to buy a copy to get one without us stocking it. Good bye."

              Comment


              • #8
                I'd never behave that way.
                Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Mom's gushing made me gag. Yikes.
                  When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Treasure View Post
                    and Chai....

                    <snippy plan of awesome>

                    send separate email to dean, warning them;

                    Love it! Mmm, chai. This reminds me I'm getting low and need to reorder from my uber favoritest tea site of all time, but they're OUT of Masala! NNNOOOOOO!!!!



                    Quoth Merriweather View Post
                    Wow! I think the fact that she couldn't find anyone other than her own mother willing to read & review a copy of the book sort of says it all, LOL.
                    I WISH I could list the actual titles, but that'd give WAY too much info out, but suffice it to say, they're random and weird, and I don't think you'd ever associate them with the topics she's describing them as being about. o.O


                    Quoth dalesys View Post
                    How I'd reply.

                    where's the LIKE button!?!


                    Quoth draco664 View Post
                    "Well then, it should be easy for anyone who wants to buy a copy to get one without us stocking it. Good bye."

                    Tried telling Boss that should be our answer...or you know "Oh, really? Which stores? I need to know where to direct interested parties, as we CANNOT STOCK YOUR BOOKS HERE!"


                    Quoth MoonCat View Post
                    Mom's gushing made me gag. Yikes.

                    I know, right? I laughed and wanted to vomit all at the same time. It's very saccharine over the top. It's as if 419 scammers decided to run an infomercial. "Please to read today and you WILL be rewarded with riches and moneys!"






                    UPDATE!!!!

                    She sent another email this weekend...except it was a copy and paste of the first. No new messages or anything, just the exact same body of text. maybe she thinks if we keep getting it, we'll be brainwashed into selling her books...?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth lupo pazzesco View Post
                      She sent another email this weekend...except it was a copy and paste of the first. No new messages or anything, just the exact same body of text. maybe she thinks if we keep getting it, we'll be brainwashed into selling her books...?
                      "This is not the bookstore you're looking for." </Jedi Hand Wave>
                      PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

                      There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Can you put her email address in your spam list? It might just mean you'll stop getting her emails, but depending on your software, it might even bounce back to her
                        Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum! - Don't you dare erase my hard disk!

                        This is Tech Support, not Customer Service.
                        What's the difference?
                        We're allowed to tell you "no".

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth MoonCat View Post
                          Mom's gushing made me gag. Yikes.
                          Me too. I think I felt cavities forming just reading that sugary drivel!
                          I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                          My LiveJournal
                          A page we can all agree with!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Now is the time we update....

                            So, everybody do the threadbump!! It's time for a random update.

                            I just got off the phone a few minutes ago, and boy, was it ever an interesting call! Our 'lil Delusional Authoress called, you see, to ask for some information. The phone call was thus:

                            Me: <opening spiel>
                            DA: I need to know how many copies of a book you have, for self enrichment and fulfillment?
                            Me: Buwah...? Ok, lemme get to the right computer screen, do you know the name of the books??
                            DA: <Book Title 1> and <Book Title 2>
                            Me: (waitaminnuthere that sounds familiar) Um, ok, I'm searching and I don't see any titles with that combination of words, are the being used in a <My College> course for the summer or fall?
                            DA: No, but can you check and see if there's another section for books that aren't books...?
                            Me: ....
                            DA: The owner last time told me he'd stock them for me.
                            Me: Um, ma'am, we don't have an owner, we're part of a corporate chain of stores. Do you know the Author's last name, I can try searching by that?
                            DA: Yes, it's (a fairly easy name, let's say it's) Robinson. R as in Roy. O. B as in Bugle (bugle...? ok...) E. I as in Eye (!?!?!?!) N. S. O. N.
                            Me: Um, ok. Yes, I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't have any author's with that last name in our system.
                            DA: (heaves a big ol' sigh) Spell the name back to me?
                            Me: ok....ROBINSON.
                            DA: nonono!! it's RobiMson. M!! R as in Roy...etc, etc, etc
                            Me: Ok... (clackityclackclack of my computer) Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry. Hmm, it looks like we don't have any author with that last name, either.
                            DA: Search by the first name.
                            Me: Ma'am, our author names are by last name only, we don't list first names in the database.
                            DA: Try anyway, it's Pwhaslkdslusarrhhgth! (That's really what it sounded like!!)
                            Me: Um...ok...
                            DA: (Waits expectantly without offering to spell it for me)
                            Me: Ma'am, I"m sorry, but the database is by last name ONLY for author searches.
                            DA: Is there somewhere else you can look?
                            Me: (Where?!?!)
                            DA: IN books that AREN'T books
                            ME: ... (wtf does that MEAN!?!?!)
                            DA: Is there ANYWHERE you carry books that professors don't want for classes?
                            Me: Ooooh, you mean SUPPLEMENTAL titles. No, ma'am, we carry exam prep books and basic reference books, like dictionaries and thesauruses, but because we're such a small store, we don't carry anything that isn't required or recommended by a class.
                            DA: then let me talk to the owner, he PROMISED me he would carry my books for all the people who want them!
                            Me: (lying!!!) oh em geee, he's been on conference calls ALL DAY!! Lemme see if I can catch him in some downtime for you.


                            I chase Bossman down, let him know what's going on, and that she's DEMANDING to talk to him, because he's not carrying the books that are in such high demand.


                            I then get treated to HIS end of the conversation, and even without hearing what she had to say it was beautiful!


                            "Hi, this is <Boss>, thanks for holding"

                            "Yeah, no, I tried, it turns out it's a self publication, and only available through amazon or the like."

                            "really? Because I did look, they require a credit card, I can't get them unless I bought one on my own personal card."


                            "Well, I am sorry, but I did tell you before that I wasn't sure I would be able to find a distributor for the books."

                            "No, that's not a distributor, that's the publication company you went through to self-publish"

                            "Oooohh, on <website that's exactly like Amazon but not>, hmm? can you spell that for me?"

                            "Look, here's the issue. I have a small store. I don't have a lot of room, and I can't just buy books to throw on the shelves, without a guarantee that if they don't sell, I can return them for 100%"

                            "Oh, bookstore discount? And 100% returnable? Great! Can I get that in writing?"

                            "Hmm, yeah, see, they still require a credit card, can't do it."

                            "Well, no, but if you call the department that would benefit most from your books, and can get some professors to require your books, or recommend them for their classes, we'll certainly do our best to get our hands on them."

                            "Well, best of luck to you on that! Hope it goes well, you have a great day. Bye!!"




                            He then summarized. Apparently she lives in a city that isn't my town. She was about to go on the air in 10 minutes for an interview (radio or TV wasn't specified) and well, she WANTED to say OUR STORE carried them exclusively but we apparently don't want that business.

                            And the website she gave us? Just the "bookstore" home for the self publication website she uses, that requires a credit card. No bookstore discount, and a very stringent return policy. FanTASTIC.



                            oh, oh, oh!! BONUS!!!

                            That site has an "about the author" blurb you get to write about yourself. Let's see what she has to say about hers--

                            Oh dear lord, it IS like a Nigerian scam!! Is she a Prince(ss)!?!?!

                            Quoth About the Author
                            <Author>, M.Ed. is the author of several books, including <Title 1>. <Author's First Name> is the Founder and President & CEO of <Company Name> Association. She is a proud mother and entrepreneur. She has had a positive impact on education and business systems and is actively engaged in a number of projects. She has earned many awards and certificates in the fields of education and business. <First Name> holds a Master’s degree in Education from <Other University> where she specialized in Curriculum and Instruction. She also obtained a BA degree with a Field Major in Psychology, Education, and Sociology from <Different University>. She is currently studying Sociology at <My University>. Prior to founding <Association> she served as an Elementary and Middle School teacher for over 14 years and a Community College Instructor for over 5 years. <First Name> has made countless presentations to many diverse groups.


                            Wow. Right. Um...ok, lunchtime for me, methinks!!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Somebody's graduated summa cum laude from the Jacqueline Howett school of Self-Promotion.
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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