Speaking of Secret Shoppers...

[Misty]

I know we've complained a lot about secret shoppers, so I got to thinking...how great would it be if we could "secret shop" the customer? If their score was under 80% they'd receive a "letter of concern" basically telling them to get their act together or else they'll be banned from the store!

My little checklist would lok something like this:

1. Did customer respond positively when greeted by employee?

2. Did customer smile throughout transaction?

3. Was customer's appearance neat and tidy?

4. Did customer smell okay?

5. Were customer's requests reasonable and compliant with store policy?

6. Did customer have kids with them? If so, were they well behaved?

7. Were customer's coupons/store flyers current and for this store?

8. Did customer attempt to shoplift anything?

9. Was the customer on their cell phone at any time during transaction?

10. Did customer complete transaction in under two minutes?

These are of the top of my head; feel free to add your own!

[Zoom]

It would be great until they got all butthurt about it and stopped shopping there. Gets rid of SCs and regular custies alike.

[Mr Hero]

5. Were customer's requests reasonable and compliant with store policy?

And if not, was the customer open to suggestions from the employee that were within the policy?

[Merriweather]

You do realize, if all customers had to adhere to those standards, the stores would be practically empty, and lots of people would be out of jobs?

sigh, still would be nice, though.

[Dark Psion]

We always got flagged for not pushing an add-on item, the problem was that the secret shopper was buying the add-on item.

Would you like a gallon of paint to go with your brush?

[Kristev]

The Wal-Mart consumers would nearly all fail most of that list.

[Kitten in the box]

1.Did the customer thank you for your assistance?
2.Did the customer refrain from using Cat Butt face and using foul language to you?
3.Was the customer understanding about being out of an item an or understaffed? If not what did they bitch about?
4. Did the customers' bodily fluIds make it inside the toilet?

[Racket_Man]

From my perspective
1. Was the customer fully clothed and NOT showing "ulgy" bits?
2. Was the customer PROMPT in answering their door?
3. Did the customer have ALL of their money (plus tip) ready at the door?
4. Did the Customer pay attention to the quoted delivery time???? AND order total????
5. Did the customer corral all small children and pets before answering the door?
6. Did the customer NOT use small children as a "human tip shield"????
7. was the customer actually awake enough (as in not too sleepy, drunk, high, stoned or otherwise mind altered) to actually order delivery????
8. Did the customer understand the concept of TURNING on a porch or stairwell light BEFORE the delivery driver arrived????
9. Did the customer acutally understand what they were ordering over the internet.
Followup: Did they actually pay attention to the autogenerated e-mail confirming their order????
10 Does customer understand that LOUD sounds such a thump-thump music masks other sounds such as a doorbell or cop-knock?????
11. Does the customer understand that concept of extreamly bad weather = long delivery times????

[Marmalady]

How about:

Did the customer try to pay for something costing nearly £10 with several bags of mixed small change? When the cashier was five minutes away from the end of their shift?
(Yes, that happened on Thursday evening.... )
Did the customer bring an animal into the store which wasn't a trained service animal?
Did it poop? Did the customer pretend to know nothing about it?
Did the customer try to hit on the cashier, or make inappropriate remarks to them?

[Kristev]

Was the consumer out of the store within ten minutes of arrival?

Did the consumer bother any of the employees with unimportant questions, such as "where do I find . . ." or "how much is this . . ."?

Did the consumer bother any of the employees at all?

Did the consumer treat other consumers with respect?

Did the consumer attempt to committ fraud with returns at the service desk?

Did the consumer have the receipt for their return at the service desk?
2) The correct receipt.
3) The correct store.
4) The correct item.

Did the consumer abuse the electric carts?

How did the consumer dispose of their shopping trolley?
1) Did they put it back in the bay or in a pen?
2) Did they just leave it by their car and pretend it isn't their problem?
3) Did they push it and let it roll, other car may care what it hits?

Did they demand to speak to a manager for any excuse?

Did they have a legitimate form of payment?
2) Was it theirs, or someone else's?

Did the consumer fail to clean up after itself after making a mess?
2) Did the consumer use the bathroom and leave it the way they found it, or pretend their mess isn't their problem instead?
3) Did the consumer drop or spill anything?
4) Did they clean up their snot/slobber/sweat/you don't want to know with anything or pretend they didn't make a mess and run off?

Did the consumer bring a sick kid?
2) Did the sick kid react with vomiting or lack of bladder control when they should've been home in bed in the first place?

Did the consumer eat or drink anything, then leave the remains on a shelf instead of a waste bin?
2) Was it store merchandise the consumer hadn't paid for yet?

[Brojekk]

You do realize, if all customers had to adhere to those standards, the stores would be practically empty, and lots of people would be out of jobs?

sigh, still would be nice, though.

The stores competition should be doing the same thing. If all stores did this...SCs would have no choice but to get their act together.

[Merriweather]

The stores competition should be doing the same thing. If all stores did this...SCs would have no choice but to get their act together.

I've a feeling online shopping would skyrocket, with all the SCs who couldn't, or wouldn't, clean up their act.

[Sleepwalker]

Nooooo. You mean I can't go to walmart in my footie pajamas any more?

[Kristev]

And you can't make a mess or mistreat the employees or try to pull a con job on the store, either.

Now, let's make a list for the mismangers and corporate cultists . . .

[KatherineB]

The real question is: what evil and devious punishments should we set up for those who fail?