The question I hate the most...

[LuvianBlue]

"What would you recommend for a(n) [age] year old [gender]?"

... okay. so maybe not the worst question in the world, but one I get a LOT working in book shops. The next words out of my mouth are typically:

"Well, what do they like?"

At which, they typically:

A) Give me a deer in the headlights stare
B) Splutter for a bit
C) Admit "I don't know"
D) Give me some generic topics based for their gender (which, to be fair, may truly be what they're interested in)
E) Say "everything!" (then proceed to shoot down every suggestion I make)
F) Say something like "well, s/he recently went to a dinosaur park and really liked it, maybe something with dinosaurs would be good?" <-- That's a great idea, hurray!

'Cause yeah, I can guess at their interests and reading level from their age and their gender, but I hate doing that. I don't want to hand them a simple fairy book if they say '6 year old girl' I don't want to hand them a superhero comic if they say '8 year old boy'. I want to know what they like, what they've read, what they're currently excited about, what sorts of interests the people in the child's life are trying to share with them, and whether or not they have trouble with reading.

The last one can especially get annoying, 'cause almost everyone will always say "Oh no! S/He has NO trouble reading! S/He's quite and advanced reader!"

And I have to take them on their word, but PLENTY of kids have trouble reading, or simply don't find reading interesting. And handing them a book that they're just going to find difficult/boring isn't going to help them build up their confidence, reading skill, or interest in reading; unless somebody sits down with the kid and reads with them, which considering they can't tell me a single thing about the kid beyond how many times they've been around the sun on this hunk of rock (and sometimes not even that) and whether or not they have a Y chromosome, I have to wonder if anybody's going to do that.

We have "popular books" and I'll bust them out if needed, but I don't really wanna sell the same thing over and over, and often the kids already have those books.

This may sound like kind of a silly thing to get so irritated about... and I know that in many cases this question is completely understandable.... but to me it always sounds:

A) Lazy
B) Sexist

And personally I just really don't want to contribute to pushing children towards and away from topics based on their gender. Maybe it's 'cause I always got dolls and shit from relatives growing up when Legos or paints would've been much more appreciated.

I once had a customer who came in and said "What would you recommend for a [age] year old girl? She's read (book A) (book B) and (book C), and she really liked them. She's also read (book series) and liked them, but found them too easy."

I was so happy ;w;

[spark]

I hate that kind of thing too.

Firstly because yeah, kind of sexist. (But if I went into my opinions on that, it'd get into fratching territory fast!)

And secondly because people are not psychic! I get customers all the time who ask me what features and options they should choose. And I'm always sitting there thinking "How the hell should I know?" at them.

[AnaKhouri]

I get that constantly at the bookstore. The worst is when the kid question is the customer's OWN CHILD, and they have no idea what they're interested in (I would guess guns, Neo-Nazis and online porn, then!).

I especiallyy hate the ones who say they know nothing about the kid but then say, "I don't think he/she would like THAT." to every suggestion. How do you know? You just admitted you don't even know the child!

So yeah, I guess what I'm saying is, I feel your pain.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

I get that at work all the time.
Almost every mother asking for a girl expect me to hand them a "pink" game and they stammer when I say "Well, what does she like?"
If they can't answer, I go "Well, how about a Mario game?"
"Are you sure? It's for a girl! Is she gonna be able to play?"
"I've been playing Marios since I was 5, if she likes Mario, she'll be able to play them."

I have a tween male customer who has no concept of money or math, so I'm not surprised mothers here worry Mario might be too advanced for their pwecious 8 or 9 years old.

[Analytical Gaijin]

I catch myself asking questions like this, but I justify it to myself as it sounds like something 'normal' people would ask. I should also clarify, I don't have kids myself, so I am buying gifts for others.

But more annoying, my parents would not listen to me when I was growing up, and I found myself restricted. I would try and read books that were too advanced for me, such as the Hobbit when I was 7 or 8, the LoTR trilogy when I was 10, etc. I remember looking through a bookstore in the airport before a flight over the Atlantic looking for a new book, and I decided that I had heard of this Shakespeare character, but had not read anything yet, so the paperback "complete works" would be a good airplane book. It was probably too advanced, but I was forbidden from purchasing it. I think I would have read it cover to cover just out of spite at that point, but my source of income was credit with my parents, so I had not choice.

Years later I found that I do have a hard time reading Shakespeare, but it was homework at that point.

-AG

[Slayer]

I had similar questions when I worked at the card/gift store. I usually had to resort to sticking with gender roles. Easier, quicker and I could stop asking "investigating questions" that got me an answer of "I don't know the kid". Sigh.

[PepperElf]

i remember reading something similar... on neil gaiman's blog actually. i forget when tho but he was of the same mindset that he cannot simply decide what a stranger's child would like.

and even "reading comprehension" level doesn't mean the kid will like a book or not. Heck, I've found quite a few books below my comprehension level that I liked anyway because the plot was good, and it was well written (for the target age range).

And sure, I can always recommend some series such as Inkheart, The Ranger's Apprentice, and Bloody Jack to either gender... but it doesn't mean the kid's going to like the themes.

Or that the parent/guardian will. I mean my mom was pretty lenient about what I read, but others might not be the same. So you can run into issues there if you recommend the "wrong" book.


So really it's a bit of a losing situation for the employee to have to decide what junior stranger likes based off of such little information.

[mharbourgirl]

And personally I just really don't want to contribute to pushing children towards and away from topics based on their gender. Maybe it's 'cause I always got dolls and shit from relatives growing up when Legos or paints would've been much more appreciated.

Oh hai there, we must have the same relatives. I got dolls as a child because I was girl and all girls like to play with dolls, right? The bloody dolls sat on the shelf in my room and gathered dust. My books, on the other hand, wore out from use. Only one set of relatives didn't treat me like a girl: the aunt who turned down a job with NASA to teach high school math and physics. She and her husband always got me books and things like microscopes, that my mother thought were too advanced, but Auntie always 'got' me way better than Mom ever did. Not sure why Mom never got it, I was reading at a 10th grade level by the time I was 7.

Don't get me started on Legos. My *brothers* got Legos, I got hair bows and makeup sets. :P Which is why when I finally have a house of my own I'm going to fill it with Legos. One big 'up yers' to my childhood.

[Slayer]

I consider myself very lucky then. My mom tried dolls when I was little but I was not interested. So instead of giving me more, she stopped buying them. I loved art, puzzles and blocks. She always got me those things. Said I was born with a crayon in my hand.

And she's a teacher, so we had books everywhere. Actually, she even stopped buying books after a while and used the library mainly as I would finish books too fast she'd joke that I would be done a book by the time we drove home from the store.

[Marszenka]

Am I the only girl on this site who loved getting books AND dolls? XDDDD Now I'm starting to feel weird.

Granted, we have four daughters in our family, no boys, so we had a healthy mix of horse toys, barbies, legos, books, stuffed animals, art supplies, and sports gear. And my mom taught elementary school so NO nonsense about things being "too advanced."

My parents are great. XD

As to the OP, yeah, wow, that's tough. Books, clothes, and jewelry are generally really bad gifts for people you don't know because they're so personal and have so much variety. I had to help people choose Southwestern jewelry for strangers, but I think books would be harder simply because there's so much more variety.

...Your mention of the kid who likes dinos made me realize that I need Dinotopia.

[PepperElf]

all girls like to play with dolls, right?

sure, the Major Matt Mason doll, right?


Although really I had barbies when I was a kid. Although some of them became somewhat ... altered. One of them had her legs replaced with Brook Shield legs. Another had her eyes completely colored blue with a pen (kinda like dune), and i think one had a mohawk.

[ozcatbug]

As the first born girl in both my parents families, I was inundated with girly things. But as all my older cousins were boys, I wanted to do what they did. Total tomboy. My stuffed animal collection was mostly in pristine condition until I hit about 16 when I decided I liked stuffed animals. The pink clothes that everyone insisted on getting for me, which my mother hated, clashed horribly with my reddish hair. And when my parents tried to tell their siblings and parents that I would prefer a truck over a Barbie, they were ignored because all little girls want a Barbie, not a truck.

Luckily my parents knew what I wanted, and so I got the Barbies, but I also got the remote controlled car. It died from overuse, but the Barbies got given to some girls that actually wanted them. As for books, I would read anything. I devoured books, so again my parents would tell people that I was reading well above my age, but that too was ignored. Why ask what you should get then ignore what you are told because obviously my parents couldn't really know what I would like.

This continued until my 21st birthday when my aunties asked what they could get for me. My mother was proud to say a cordless drill. They got it but when they gave it to me, but told me that my mother insisted and if I wanted something else they could exchange it. My eyes lit up, and I am still looking for a replacement battery as I have killed it from overuse. I loved that drill. It went nicely with the collector doll that my parents gave me. No they didn't stuff up. I wanted the doll and the drill. But I'm confusing like that. Plus my parents really understand me.

[mhkohne]

As the first born girl in both my parents families, I was inundated with girly things. But as all my older cousins were boys, I wanted to do what they did. Total tomboy. My stuffed animal collection was mostly in pristine condition until I hit about 16 when I decided I liked stuffed animals. The pink clothes that everyone insisted on getting for me, which my mother hated, clashed horribly with my reddish hair. And when my parents tried to tell their siblings and parents that I would prefer a truck over a Barbie, they were ignored because all little girls want a Barbie, not a truck.

Luckily my parents knew what I wanted, and so I got the Barbies, but I also got the remote controlled car. It died from overuse, but the Barbies got given to some girls that actually wanted them. As for books, I would read anything. I devoured books, so again my parents would tell people that I was reading well above my age, but that too was ignored. Why ask what you should get then ignore what you are told because obviously my parents couldn't really know what I would like.

This continued until my 21st birthday when my aunties asked what they could get for me. My mother was proud to say a cordless drill. They got it but when they gave it to me, but told me that my mother insisted and if I wanted something else they could exchange it. My eyes lit up, and I am still looking for a replacement battery as I have killed it from overuse. I loved that drill. It went nicely with the collector doll that my parents gave me. No they didn't stuff up. I wanted the doll and the drill. But I'm confusing like that. Plus my parents really understand me.

Sadly what I learned last time I had a battery for a drill fail is that it's not that much more to just buy a new drill + batteries than to replace the battery packs. So unless you have multiple tools with the same battery form factor, you'd probably be better off just scrapping out the old one.

With my new drill, I checked around a bit, and bought a system with a wide selection of tools that I actually wanted, so I probably won't be in the same boat when the next set of batteries go.

[malmalthekiller]

I think that also goes along with "what size would a 5-year-old boy be in?" - Well, I mean, that depends on height, weight, etc, just not age.

Even infants, which to a certain age are sized by their "age", but even a 9 month old could be in 12-month old clothing. It just completely depends, but you'll still get people getting angry or upset with you because you won't know a real answer. Listen, I don't know who you're buying for - even if they were here, it's hard to gauge size by sight.

[LuvianBlue]

I think that also goes along with "what size would a 5-year-old boy be in?" - Well, I mean, that depends on height, weight, etc, just not age.

This.

I've never thought about how good of a parallel this is. Gifts are not "one size fits all", just like clothes.

BTW, where does the word 'fratching' come from? I've seen it around here, and I have a vague idea of what it means, but I don't know where the term comes from.