No, We Don't Sell That Here, Pervert!

[catcul]

When I was working retail, a coworker who complained about a prank caller asking about vibrators. This is a family retail store, not a sex shop. One night, after the woman who usually answers the phones goes home, I was answering the phones. Guess who decided to call. I decided to have fun at his expense.

Me:
PC: Prank caller.

Me: "Thank you for calling .... How may I help you?"
PC: "Hi! Do you sell vibrators?"
Me: "I'm sure we sell vibrating back massagers. I'll transfer you.
PC: "No, no. I'm looking for something a little lower."
Me: "I'm sure they sell foot massagers, too."
PC: "Not quite that low."
Me: "I'm quite sure that you could use the back massager as a leg massager, though I don't recommend sitting on it."
PC: "I'm talking about the one that goes between your legs."
Me: "Oh, that kind of massager. I'm afraid we don't sell those here."
PC: "I thought you sold everything."
Me: "I'm afraid we don't sell those here. Have you tried looking on the internet?"
PC: "OK, thank you anyway.'
Me: "Thank you for calling. Have a good night."

Too bad for him I was warned.

[starsinthesky]

At House of Crap we had a prank caller last year. He would call asking for help selecting a dress for a drag contest. He would get flustered and hang up when we would asking him what style, desginer, price, etc he wanted. We just wanted him to FIERCE!

[Mr Hero]

The call reminds me of a scene from the Simpsons where Marge is trying to buy a cup for Bart, but is too embarrassed to outright say it. The store clerk first assumes the protection she needs is a helmet. Then she says she needs protection for down there, so he offers her knee pads.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

I had someone try that with me over the phone. I gave them the web address of several places where they could get the device they were looking for.

I think I flustered them more by being able to keep a professional manner to my voice as if this was an every day occurrence.

[shopgirl15]

I've seen a lot of supposed "back/neck massagers" that sure as hell were oddly shaped...looking at you Brookstone!

[TimmyHate]

The call reminds me of a scene from the Simpsons where Marge is trying to buy a cup for Bart, but is too embarrassed to outright say it. The store clerk first assumes the protection she needs is a helmet. Then she says she needs protection for down there, so he offers her knee pads.

If I remember the scene right the clerk knew EXACTLY what Marge wanted. She ended up having to say 'I wanna C U P'....

[catcul]

I had someone try that with me over the phone. I gave them the web address of several places where they could get the device they were looking for.

Unfortunately, I couldn't have given a list of websites since I had customers passing by me.

[telecom_goddess]

I've seen commercials for these kinds of things, and they end up being called "personal" massagers

[Flying Grype]

Keep in mind that if your store sells any kind of family planning stuff... some of those brands will sell vibrating condoms or fingertip vibrators. Double check so that the next time he calls you can say brightly "Why yes, yes we do!"

[AmethystSquirrel]

Heh, Walmart sells them not.

At least it wasn't a prank call like mine was.

Interesting prank call

[AnaKhouri]

At the bookstore we sometimes get people (usually giggly teens) calling to ask if we sell dirty magazines (we don't).

I found out the name of a store that does sell them so when this happens I can say in a bored voice, "No, but >other store< does. Here's their phone number."

[NotAlBundy]

Yeah, I always make sure not to get upset, because that's what they want.

The most recent problem we had was some guy calling and asking whichever coworker answered the phone, "Are you the attractive one?" He wanted to speak specifically to one of my girls and freak her out, so I told her the next time he called, to hand the phone off to me.

So she does, and he asks me the question, and I responded with, "I think we are all beautiful at this store, thank you very much. Have a nice day." I hung up on him and we haven't heard from him since.

[manybellsdown]

I had a heavy breather* once. I got paid by the hour, so I just sat there and listened. After a few minutes he started to sound a little lightheaded. Then he yelled "You're SICK!" and hung up. Funny, he never called back.

*I don't get heavy breathers. Do they have a ...breathing fetish?

[Argabarga]

I had a heavy breather* once. I got paid by the hour, so I just sat there and listened. After a few minutes he started to sound a little lightheaded.

Wow, that's hilarious, he kept it up until he couldn't keep it up anymore, or something.

[NotAlBundy]

My favorite was the one that called, asking if I would wear high heels and walk all over him. I said, "Sure! If you're into pain, I'll even run over you with my car if you'd like!"

"You would? That would be so hot! Would you tell your boyfriend about it later?"

"No way, dude. If I killed someone, I wouldn't tell anyone about it!"

And then I hung up.