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Aughhhuuuguguhhuh. Too much work lately.
Take a Wild Guess
SC: You wouldn't happen to be willing to honor the sale you were running in September 2012, would you?
Seraph: ....It's February. 2013.
SC: So...........no?
That sound right there? That was the sound of Alderaan spontaneously exploding. Without the Death Star. Because, frankly, that just hurt that much.
Why yes. Yes I do.
Forgetful SC: Hi Ma'am
Seraph: Hello
Forgetful SC: Remember me?
Seraph: Yep
Forgetful SC: Who am i!? haha
Seraph: You ran that one site for a while, then contacted me...middle last year? inquired about a project, but that was it. You also harassed a rather well known site owner, went on a nice little ranting spree about the fact that I wouldn't design for you on the cheap, and then had someone copy one of my designs. Which I then hit you with a C&D for.
Seraph: So yeah, I remember you
Forgetful SC has logged off.
Guys? Guuuuys?! I think I broke him.
Really? Realllly?! It's freaking PEOPLE LIKE YOU....
Helpful Dude: Hey Seraph, there's a guy posting about you on a forum, asking around about one of your designs. He's a new owner, so wanted to give you a heads up, I sent him your way.
Seraph: Oh, thanks, he's messaging me right now. Appreciate it!
Cue New Guy messaging me
New Guy: Hey, so I hear you're the big designer here, was wanting to get one of your designs. I've just bought a <script> and am not really sure how to get started.
Seraph: Well, let me explain a few things, and once we get an idea of what you want, I can get you an estimate drawn on up.
About an hour transpires, where we talk about the industry, and he asks a lot of fairly newb-ish questions. He outlines a site design idea that he wants, based on one of my favorite video game series. I'm stoked. Like, really, really stoked about this. It shows, he finds out I'm a major fan, and he decides to go forward with the project.
Seraph: Alrighties, here's the estimate, just go on ahead and send the deposit over to <my email> while I get everything set up.
New Guy: Sure thing, it's sending now.
Seraph: Hm. Um, one minute. Your transaction was flagged just about....immediately, by Paypal. Let me look into this real quick.
New Guy: Oh, uh, no worries. Seriously. Just give it a day, it'll clear.
Seraph: ......
Seraph: Nah, no biggie at all. I'll just be a few minutes.
New Guy: But I have more questions!!!
Seraph: .........................
I log into Paypal, and notice that the name on the payment is from a client I've banned previously. He scammed a few of my friends out of THOUSANDS, and harassed me a good one after I called him out on said scam.
Seraph: ....Is this <name>?
New Guy/Suddenly, BAD DUDE: Aw ****, was I a dumb***, and did I put my real name on the new pp account? ******* it.
Seraph: yes. Yes you were.
Bad Dude: Yeah well, I noticed you post about how big of a fan you were about <game series>, and I wanted to start a new site, and I knew you would be a perfect designer, so I came up with all of this. I knew you wouldn't work with me if you knew who I was....
Seraph: So you basically made a new fake forum account, privacy'd the WHOIS on your site, made a new IM account, and even a new, fake paypal? All to deceive me into working with you?
Bad Dude: yeah....probably would've worked better if I just came up to you without all of that, huh?
Seraph: Didn't even cross your mind to, you know, MAN UP AND APOLOGIZE?! After what you did to my friends? After your little shenanigans on <forum>? After all of THAT?!?! Instead, you figure, oh hey, it'd be best if I LIED TO HER FACE! That way, she'll be sure to get over it! What in heaven's name was your exit strategy for when I inevitably found out?!
Bad Dude: I dunno, i kinda figured you might be all, oh haha, it's you....and then we'd talk things over and maybe you could forgive me. I thought you might find it kinda funny, or something.
Seraph: This isn't a fricking romcom or something. THE WORLD DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. You scammed my friends, harassed me, tried to slander my business, and now lied to my FACE. Good riddance to you, the horse you rode in on, the saddle and tack, the dust clinging to your sorry hind end, and bug off.
Bad Dude: ....i'm a dumb***....should've just apologized and not lied...
Seraph: Yeah. Yeah you are. Good day to you, and good bye. <logs off>
Seriously, it's the people like him, that are why I have to keep my guard up, and why I'm so freaking jaded at this point.
And I was so excited about that project too...
Cart. Horse. Cart-horse.
Impatient Fella: Hey, so I got your estimate back on the logo, and I'd like to formally accept it, and have you invoice me!
Seraph: Sure thing, converting it over now...please keep in mind that I still need the 50% deposit upfront, and that invoices unpaid after 30 days incur a late fee.
IF: Oh, um, I probably won't be able to pay you most of it for another month... in fact, I'm still in the process of buying the website!
Seraph: ...Wait, you don't have the website yet?
IF: Nope, just came up with the name this morning, and figured it sounded like a great idea!
Seraph: So, you aren't the current owner of <blahblahsite>.com?
IF: uhm....no? Someone already has it?! Oh man...guess back to the drawing board for me....
I...I actually felt kinda bad for him. It was like the kind of pity from when you watch one of those videos where the dog gets stuck trying to go through a door with a too big stick. You just keep saying "Come on, just turn your head...aww....you...you poor thing. You just don't get it."
Yes, it does involve work.
SC: Hey, so I'd like to commission a custom pony from you
Seraph: Sure thing, which character?
SC: Actually, it's an OC. <links image of a rather...complicated drawing with a pony that looks like the equivalent of a Supreme Pizza. Everything that could be thrown on there, is.>
Seraph: Ok...well...that's a rather detailed character there. First off, I'd have to specially sculpt the hair, the wings, the tail, and sunglasses... Now, I could either have it accurate to your drawing, which will be expensive, or just do it on the closest matching figurine base, and I'll throw in a free glasses sculpt.
SC: has to be as accurate as possible!
Seraph: Ok, well then, it'd be about $60 in all likelyhood...this is a big project
SC: The ****. ****ing ripoff, I could get someone to do it for $15.
Seraph: I really doubt that....but like I said, I could do a base one
SC: **** you, scammer.
Seraph: ...Yeah, no, I'm not a scammer, you're just a cheapskate. Buh bye!
Reality, dude.
SC: I'd like a quote on a design similar to <popular design I made>
Seraph: Alrighties, just keep in mind that this website was a massive project, with a lot of customization, and animated buttons. A similar project would be...$1,500.
SC: WTF?! What about something like this: <links equally detailed website from my portfolio with the works>
Seraph: Ah, um....$1,000.
SC: WTF don't be a *****, give me a discount, or a good deal, or something. I can't afford this.
Seraph: Well, you keep inquiring about rather large, intricate projects. May I suggest something on <budget plan>?
SC: *******. you are way too expensive.
Seraph: What, exactly then, is your budget? :P
SC: i was thinking more along the lines of $50.
Seraph: $50?....are you serious?
SC: **** you, that's a lot, and your work isn't worth that much money
SC: don't be a ****, and give me something like <popular design>, and we'll both be happy
Seraph: Welllll then, obviously you're right, and that's why I have a queue of orders waiting. I really don't have the time to sit here and be insulted by someone who can't realize the value of a web design and what an asset it is to their business. So, with that, good day, and good luck in finding someone who will work with such an impossible budget.
It Ain't All Bad, Though.
Awesome Dude: Hey, so my friend recommended you to me, was wondering if you would be up for a rush order? My site is here:
Seraph: Yeah, sure thing. Did he fill you in on my prices, and the time and a half thing for overtime?
AD: Yeah, and charge whatever you need, I saw your work. It's impressive, and I'm completely okay with whatever you charge. As long as you don't go nuts, haha.
Seraph: LOL, nah, I won't go nuts, but the sentiment's appreciated. Not often I have clients who are totally cool about my prices!
AD: Well, you gotta pay to get quality!
Seraph: Hey...wait a second...is that code you're using in the background from <popular game>?
AD: OMG YES!! I didn't think anyone would ever notice!
Seraph: Haha wow!
AD: <game related pun>
Seraph: YOU. SAY. PUNS. OMG.
AD: All the time! D:
Seraph: ....I think we're going to be like, best friends now.
AD: DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS
Seraph: I THINK WE DID
AD: ****. This is going to be a beautiful thing.
~Fin~
Take a Wild Guess
SC: You wouldn't happen to be willing to honor the sale you were running in September 2012, would you?
Seraph: ....It's February. 2013.
SC: So...........no?
That sound right there? That was the sound of Alderaan spontaneously exploding. Without the Death Star. Because, frankly, that just hurt that much.
Why yes. Yes I do.
Forgetful SC: Hi Ma'am
Seraph: Hello
Forgetful SC: Remember me?
Seraph: Yep
Forgetful SC: Who am i!? haha
Seraph: You ran that one site for a while, then contacted me...middle last year? inquired about a project, but that was it. You also harassed a rather well known site owner, went on a nice little ranting spree about the fact that I wouldn't design for you on the cheap, and then had someone copy one of my designs. Which I then hit you with a C&D for.
Seraph: So yeah, I remember you
Forgetful SC has logged off.
Guys? Guuuuys?! I think I broke him.
Really? Realllly?! It's freaking PEOPLE LIKE YOU....
Helpful Dude: Hey Seraph, there's a guy posting about you on a forum, asking around about one of your designs. He's a new owner, so wanted to give you a heads up, I sent him your way.
Seraph: Oh, thanks, he's messaging me right now. Appreciate it!
Cue New Guy messaging me
New Guy: Hey, so I hear you're the big designer here, was wanting to get one of your designs. I've just bought a <script> and am not really sure how to get started.
Seraph: Well, let me explain a few things, and once we get an idea of what you want, I can get you an estimate drawn on up.
About an hour transpires, where we talk about the industry, and he asks a lot of fairly newb-ish questions. He outlines a site design idea that he wants, based on one of my favorite video game series. I'm stoked. Like, really, really stoked about this. It shows, he finds out I'm a major fan, and he decides to go forward with the project.
Seraph: Alrighties, here's the estimate, just go on ahead and send the deposit over to <my email> while I get everything set up.
New Guy: Sure thing, it's sending now.
Seraph: Hm. Um, one minute. Your transaction was flagged just about....immediately, by Paypal. Let me look into this real quick.
New Guy: Oh, uh, no worries. Seriously. Just give it a day, it'll clear.
Seraph: ......
Seraph: Nah, no biggie at all. I'll just be a few minutes.
New Guy: But I have more questions!!!
Seraph: .........................
I log into Paypal, and notice that the name on the payment is from a client I've banned previously. He scammed a few of my friends out of THOUSANDS, and harassed me a good one after I called him out on said scam.
Seraph: ....Is this <name>?
New Guy/Suddenly, BAD DUDE: Aw ****, was I a dumb***, and did I put my real name on the new pp account? ******* it.
Seraph: yes. Yes you were.
Bad Dude: Yeah well, I noticed you post about how big of a fan you were about <game series>, and I wanted to start a new site, and I knew you would be a perfect designer, so I came up with all of this. I knew you wouldn't work with me if you knew who I was....
Seraph: So you basically made a new fake forum account, privacy'd the WHOIS on your site, made a new IM account, and even a new, fake paypal? All to deceive me into working with you?
Bad Dude: yeah....probably would've worked better if I just came up to you without all of that, huh?
Seraph: Didn't even cross your mind to, you know, MAN UP AND APOLOGIZE?! After what you did to my friends? After your little shenanigans on <forum>? After all of THAT?!?! Instead, you figure, oh hey, it'd be best if I LIED TO HER FACE! That way, she'll be sure to get over it! What in heaven's name was your exit strategy for when I inevitably found out?!
Bad Dude: I dunno, i kinda figured you might be all, oh haha, it's you....and then we'd talk things over and maybe you could forgive me. I thought you might find it kinda funny, or something.
Seraph: This isn't a fricking romcom or something. THE WORLD DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. You scammed my friends, harassed me, tried to slander my business, and now lied to my FACE. Good riddance to you, the horse you rode in on, the saddle and tack, the dust clinging to your sorry hind end, and bug off.
Bad Dude: ....i'm a dumb***....should've just apologized and not lied...
Seraph: Yeah. Yeah you are. Good day to you, and good bye. <logs off>
Seriously, it's the people like him, that are why I have to keep my guard up, and why I'm so freaking jaded at this point.
And I was so excited about that project too...
Cart. Horse. Cart-horse.
Impatient Fella: Hey, so I got your estimate back on the logo, and I'd like to formally accept it, and have you invoice me!
Seraph: Sure thing, converting it over now...please keep in mind that I still need the 50% deposit upfront, and that invoices unpaid after 30 days incur a late fee.
IF: Oh, um, I probably won't be able to pay you most of it for another month... in fact, I'm still in the process of buying the website!
Seraph: ...Wait, you don't have the website yet?
IF: Nope, just came up with the name this morning, and figured it sounded like a great idea!
Seraph: So, you aren't the current owner of <blahblahsite>.com?
IF: uhm....no? Someone already has it?! Oh man...guess back to the drawing board for me....
I...I actually felt kinda bad for him. It was like the kind of pity from when you watch one of those videos where the dog gets stuck trying to go through a door with a too big stick. You just keep saying "Come on, just turn your head...aww....you...you poor thing. You just don't get it."
Yes, it does involve work.
SC: Hey, so I'd like to commission a custom pony from you
Seraph: Sure thing, which character?
SC: Actually, it's an OC. <links image of a rather...complicated drawing with a pony that looks like the equivalent of a Supreme Pizza. Everything that could be thrown on there, is.>
Seraph: Ok...well...that's a rather detailed character there. First off, I'd have to specially sculpt the hair, the wings, the tail, and sunglasses... Now, I could either have it accurate to your drawing, which will be expensive, or just do it on the closest matching figurine base, and I'll throw in a free glasses sculpt.
SC: has to be as accurate as possible!
Seraph: Ok, well then, it'd be about $60 in all likelyhood...this is a big project
SC: The ****. ****ing ripoff, I could get someone to do it for $15.
Seraph: I really doubt that....but like I said, I could do a base one
SC: **** you, scammer.
Seraph: ...Yeah, no, I'm not a scammer, you're just a cheapskate. Buh bye!
Reality, dude.
SC: I'd like a quote on a design similar to <popular design I made>
Seraph: Alrighties, just keep in mind that this website was a massive project, with a lot of customization, and animated buttons. A similar project would be...$1,500.
SC: WTF?! What about something like this: <links equally detailed website from my portfolio with the works>
Seraph: Ah, um....$1,000.
SC: WTF don't be a *****, give me a discount, or a good deal, or something. I can't afford this.
Seraph: Well, you keep inquiring about rather large, intricate projects. May I suggest something on <budget plan>?
SC: *******. you are way too expensive.
Seraph: What, exactly then, is your budget? :P
SC: i was thinking more along the lines of $50.
Seraph: $50?....are you serious?
SC: **** you, that's a lot, and your work isn't worth that much money
SC: don't be a ****, and give me something like <popular design>, and we'll both be happy
Seraph: Welllll then, obviously you're right, and that's why I have a queue of orders waiting. I really don't have the time to sit here and be insulted by someone who can't realize the value of a web design and what an asset it is to their business. So, with that, good day, and good luck in finding someone who will work with such an impossible budget.
It Ain't All Bad, Though.
Awesome Dude: Hey, so my friend recommended you to me, was wondering if you would be up for a rush order? My site is here:
Seraph: Yeah, sure thing. Did he fill you in on my prices, and the time and a half thing for overtime?
AD: Yeah, and charge whatever you need, I saw your work. It's impressive, and I'm completely okay with whatever you charge. As long as you don't go nuts, haha.
Seraph: LOL, nah, I won't go nuts, but the sentiment's appreciated. Not often I have clients who are totally cool about my prices!
AD: Well, you gotta pay to get quality!
Seraph: Hey...wait a second...is that code you're using in the background from <popular game>?
AD: OMG YES!! I didn't think anyone would ever notice!
Seraph: Haha wow!
AD: <game related pun>
Seraph: YOU. SAY. PUNS. OMG.
AD: All the time! D:
Seraph: ....I think we're going to be like, best friends now.
AD: DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS
Seraph: I THINK WE DID
AD: ****. This is going to be a beautiful thing.
~Fin~
, a thousand brain cells crying out in terror...only to be suddenly silenced.
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