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Yeesh...it's looking to be a hell of a night. It's rare that I get these any more, so this should be fun. To start off, when I walked in the door, there was a line about 15 people long, and only the 1 person at the front. I clocked in and hopped on as fast as I could, and they were all pretty happy (only a couple mentioned "I'm surprised they only had her (CW) on shift!" which is a nice thing). CW lets me know that everywhere around us is sold out for the night. We have some rooms, and we're not walking anyone, so I don't see a problem...but it means I'm getting some of the referrals that normally weird it up at other hotels. So naturally, this is the rare night that some SCs come crawling out.
Well that's fascinating.
SC: Do you have any suites open tonight?
Me: It looks like I do...I have a non-smoking King suite open at $149 before tax.
SC: I've stayed in those before at $89, can I get that rate?
Me: (Ha, no chance in hell) That looks like the normal rate, the $149, is what they set for tonight, I can see what I can d-
SC: Because we've stayed there for months every few days at a time and it's always been $89.
Me: O-
SC: Well one time we stayed and it was $129, but I wanted the lower rate.
Me: */facepalm* Alright, let me check into that, I can see if there's a way to get you close to that. Can I put you on hold?
SC: Sure.
Put her on hold and pull up her history...and it's true, she did once get a suite at $89...as a comp upgrade. She got a similar suite a month later at $99 as part of a promotion with a coupon. Then he stayed and got a REGULAR room at $109, and didn't complain, then stayed in the suite again at about $110 with a AAA rate. I hop back on the phone, tell her I can do AAA at $129 for her, since I'm a nice guy.
SC: Uh, ok. (in the background) Un-fucking-believable... *click*
I'm so sorry that the discount I gave you was unacceptable, really I am, but not so sorry that I won't note that I sold the same room at $149 about 10 minutes later to a skeezy looking tramp who looked like she had weathered the sea of crabs since the 1950's, but hell, she was at least pleasant to talk to and nice. You, on the other hand, decided that getting a room at the price you admittedly think you got it at before somehow guarantees you that room a second time. Prices change in hotels, lady, and over stays the price has gone up every single time you've stayed, even when you were in a normal room. It is entirely possible that, given previous evidence, you could have seen this shit coming. Normally I would've discounted the room a bit more, since it's so late, but we're kinda busy.
I should've seen this coming though.
SC: I called a little while ago, you said you could do $129 for that suite, I want to go ahead and do it.
Me: (Fuck) I'm sorry ma'am, after you hung up, we had a call for a suite that came in and took the last one. I do still have some of our regular rooms open, which would be about $109 (again, discounted more than the computer says), but the last suite unfortunately sold out.
SC: Are you fucking kidding me, you sold my room!?
Me: I apologize that you're frustrated ma'am, but you didn't put any guarantee or reservation on the room when we spoke before, so the room was still available to be sold to anyone who wanted it. After we spoke, a guest arrived and took the room.
SC: Well tell them to get out, I want THAT suite, I don't want a regular room.
Ah yes, the hosebeast stirs in the dead of night! Hear how it bares its fangs at me, hoping to push me into a fear response just to accommodate its whims? This might work, if I wasn't a soulless minion of the Wage Master, who holds quite a bit more sway over my decision making process by way of their paycheck magic skills.
Me: Yeah, no, we can't do that. I'm afraid that since you hadn't reserved the room when you called, there's not much I can do. The room was reserved and paid for after you hung up the phone, so that suite is not an option any more. The rooms I do have are naturally still quite nice, they just don't have the separate sitting area. I can even go as low as $99 for one of them, but that's as much as our computer will let me do. I should tell you as well, we're the only hotel in about 25 miles with rooms. They've all been sending people to us tonight, so we may fill up.
SC: Well we'll see about that! I'll be talking to your manager in the morning! *CLICK*
Perhaps your argument is not as solid as you think, so let me break this down. First: "We'll see about that!" How? You've just hung up on me again, which means that you have, once more, failed to reserve a room for the night. Let's see where that puts you on my current "Give-A-Fuck-O-Meter Rating".......oops, looks like you're at a zero. See, you're not staying here now, despite my attempts to at least get you a room, which means you've just relegated yourself to the "not my problem" area of existence. Furthermore, I've just told you that everyone around here is sending people to us, so we'll likely fill tonight. Who wants to bet you'll come slithering back after that happens, and not before!?
Dollah Dollah, holla holla
I almost wouldn't call this one an SC - he wasn't really an ass directly to me, just in general. I'd go into major descriptions of the guy, but he just isn't important enough to do so. I call him the Dollar Store Pimp now though, based on his check in. He gets a room with his girlfriend, prostitute for the night, whatever she was, and just manages to try and act like he's full of swagger the whole time. Anyone who works in a hotel knows the signs.
Lazily tosses his ID and credit card on the counter like they mean nothing to him? Check. Talks with a fake accent randomly, but drunkily reverts back to normal? Check. Shows off a cane? Not just any cane, but a cane with a shitty, fake "Chinese" art style to it that looks like it came from the dollar store? Check and mate. Bonus points for dropping trash in the hall right in front of me and saying, to the girl, "don't worry, they'll take care of it." That's the only douchey thing he did right to me.
When they got to the room, he hopped in the shower and made the girl call down for him to get a razer, toothpaste, a toothbrush, mouthwash, and the number to a local pizza place. Girl is nice, but she needs to kick him to the curb and run him over a few times. Dollar Store Pimp failed to impress me.
The frantic call around
Did it twice; first, we got so many referrals that we got down to about 2 rooms. Did a frantic call around to make sure people knew to call us first, THEN send their walks and such out to us.
About 30 minutes later, did a second call around, we are 100%. Oh shit, you know what that means...
Yup, fucking called it!
SC: Alright, you win. We want that room you offered us earlier at $109.
Me: *sigh* Unfortunately ma'am, that too has now been sold. With every hotel sending people to us, we sold our last room about a half hour ago; I have nothing left in the hotel.
SC: WHAT!? YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD A ROOM!!!
Me: Correction, I told you I had a room over an hour ago, and that every hotel in 25 miles was sending people to us since they were already full. An hour ago I had several rooms. Now, I have none.
SC: I can't believe you're lying to me!
Me: I'm sorry you feel that is the case, but it is not a lie ma'am. This is a very busy night for us, and we have been selling rooms nonstop all night. Had you reserved a room during either of your previous calls, I would happily have had a room for you, and I even offered rooms at a lower price than what we were asking since you've stayed before. You didn't reserve a room, so I had to sell them when other customers came looking for them.
SC: But I stay there all the time!
Me: I know that, ma'am, but I'm afraid that there's nothing I can do any more. If you had wanted to hold a room before, there would have been no problem. Unfortunately, you decided to hang up and end our conversations before, which limited my options.
SC: You're doing to pay for this. Your general manager is going to fire your ass in the morning!
Me: (No, she's not). You're certainly welcome to talk to her, her name is (GM) and she's in at about 6:30...actually, I'm sorry, her schedule says 7am this morning. If you want to leave your number, I can have her call you instead if you like.
SC: FUCK YOU!
Me: So...would you like me to leave your number?
SC: *click*
Bye bye!
Doesn't it just suck when your choices and impatience come around to bite you in the ass? See, you have an issue: I document everything. I've been on this website too long NOT to do it...so all those times when you called, and I made you offers? I noted that IN YOUR ACCOUNT, which is time stamped. So, when you call back in the morning and try to bitch out our GM, I've left a trail of bread crumbs that will contradict your claims. Also, I found your cell number in your profile, so when the GM calls you first...well, that just makes me look like the winner.
See, I know how to defeat hosebeasts. Their snarling is a whole lot less intimidating across a phone line, backed by a wave of ineptitude and failure.
Seriously, Housekeeping?
So, our laundry room is on the other side of our break room, which is behind the front desk. When the main dryers are run, they make an alarm beep that stays on until someone checks the dryer, so that things don't get left in there to get all wrinkled.
The last person out form Housekeeping left a load in the dryer (probably rags, which can sit). Problem one, they forgot to disable the alarm, so it was left going off. Problem two, no one but them can get into the laundry room.
Solution? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! All. Fucking. Night. Long.
I may be slightly annoyed.
And now for something completely different.
NRG (Nice Repeat Guest): You know, I always like seeing you here at night. You always have a nice word and a bit of conversation for me, I like that. Give this to your manager. (hands me a letter)
Me: Aww shucks...
The oddest thing about this job, I run into far more NRGs than SCs lately. I don't know what's in the letter, but I can't imagine it's a rant about how bad I suck
Totally turned my night around though.
Well, that could've gone worse
Well that's fascinating.
SC: Do you have any suites open tonight?
Me: It looks like I do...I have a non-smoking King suite open at $149 before tax.
SC: I've stayed in those before at $89, can I get that rate?
Me: (Ha, no chance in hell) That looks like the normal rate, the $149, is what they set for tonight, I can see what I can d-
SC: Because we've stayed there for months every few days at a time and it's always been $89.
Me: O-
SC: Well one time we stayed and it was $129, but I wanted the lower rate.
Me: */facepalm* Alright, let me check into that, I can see if there's a way to get you close to that. Can I put you on hold?
SC: Sure.
Put her on hold and pull up her history...and it's true, she did once get a suite at $89...as a comp upgrade. She got a similar suite a month later at $99 as part of a promotion with a coupon. Then he stayed and got a REGULAR room at $109, and didn't complain, then stayed in the suite again at about $110 with a AAA rate. I hop back on the phone, tell her I can do AAA at $129 for her, since I'm a nice guy.
SC: Uh, ok. (in the background) Un-fucking-believable... *click*
I'm so sorry that the discount I gave you was unacceptable, really I am, but not so sorry that I won't note that I sold the same room at $149 about 10 minutes later to a skeezy looking tramp who looked like she had weathered the sea of crabs since the 1950's, but hell, she was at least pleasant to talk to and nice. You, on the other hand, decided that getting a room at the price you admittedly think you got it at before somehow guarantees you that room a second time. Prices change in hotels, lady, and over stays the price has gone up every single time you've stayed, even when you were in a normal room. It is entirely possible that, given previous evidence, you could have seen this shit coming. Normally I would've discounted the room a bit more, since it's so late, but we're kinda busy.
I should've seen this coming though.
SC: I called a little while ago, you said you could do $129 for that suite, I want to go ahead and do it.
Me: (Fuck) I'm sorry ma'am, after you hung up, we had a call for a suite that came in and took the last one. I do still have some of our regular rooms open, which would be about $109 (again, discounted more than the computer says), but the last suite unfortunately sold out.
SC: Are you fucking kidding me, you sold my room!?
Me: I apologize that you're frustrated ma'am, but you didn't put any guarantee or reservation on the room when we spoke before, so the room was still available to be sold to anyone who wanted it. After we spoke, a guest arrived and took the room.
SC: Well tell them to get out, I want THAT suite, I don't want a regular room.
Ah yes, the hosebeast stirs in the dead of night! Hear how it bares its fangs at me, hoping to push me into a fear response just to accommodate its whims? This might work, if I wasn't a soulless minion of the Wage Master, who holds quite a bit more sway over my decision making process by way of their paycheck magic skills.
Me: Yeah, no, we can't do that. I'm afraid that since you hadn't reserved the room when you called, there's not much I can do. The room was reserved and paid for after you hung up the phone, so that suite is not an option any more. The rooms I do have are naturally still quite nice, they just don't have the separate sitting area. I can even go as low as $99 for one of them, but that's as much as our computer will let me do. I should tell you as well, we're the only hotel in about 25 miles with rooms. They've all been sending people to us tonight, so we may fill up.
SC: Well we'll see about that! I'll be talking to your manager in the morning! *CLICK*
Perhaps your argument is not as solid as you think, so let me break this down. First: "We'll see about that!" How? You've just hung up on me again, which means that you have, once more, failed to reserve a room for the night. Let's see where that puts you on my current "Give-A-Fuck-O-Meter Rating".......oops, looks like you're at a zero. See, you're not staying here now, despite my attempts to at least get you a room, which means you've just relegated yourself to the "not my problem" area of existence. Furthermore, I've just told you that everyone around here is sending people to us, so we'll likely fill tonight. Who wants to bet you'll come slithering back after that happens, and not before!?
Dollah Dollah, holla holla
I almost wouldn't call this one an SC - he wasn't really an ass directly to me, just in general. I'd go into major descriptions of the guy, but he just isn't important enough to do so. I call him the Dollar Store Pimp now though, based on his check in. He gets a room with his girlfriend, prostitute for the night, whatever she was, and just manages to try and act like he's full of swagger the whole time. Anyone who works in a hotel knows the signs.
Lazily tosses his ID and credit card on the counter like they mean nothing to him? Check. Talks with a fake accent randomly, but drunkily reverts back to normal? Check. Shows off a cane? Not just any cane, but a cane with a shitty, fake "Chinese" art style to it that looks like it came from the dollar store? Check and mate. Bonus points for dropping trash in the hall right in front of me and saying, to the girl, "don't worry, they'll take care of it." That's the only douchey thing he did right to me.
When they got to the room, he hopped in the shower and made the girl call down for him to get a razer, toothpaste, a toothbrush, mouthwash, and the number to a local pizza place. Girl is nice, but she needs to kick him to the curb and run him over a few times. Dollar Store Pimp failed to impress me.
The frantic call around
Did it twice; first, we got so many referrals that we got down to about 2 rooms. Did a frantic call around to make sure people knew to call us first, THEN send their walks and such out to us.
About 30 minutes later, did a second call around, we are 100%. Oh shit, you know what that means...
Yup, fucking called it!
SC: Alright, you win. We want that room you offered us earlier at $109.
Me: *sigh* Unfortunately ma'am, that too has now been sold. With every hotel sending people to us, we sold our last room about a half hour ago; I have nothing left in the hotel.
SC: WHAT!? YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD A ROOM!!!
Me: Correction, I told you I had a room over an hour ago, and that every hotel in 25 miles was sending people to us since they were already full. An hour ago I had several rooms. Now, I have none.
SC: I can't believe you're lying to me!
Me: I'm sorry you feel that is the case, but it is not a lie ma'am. This is a very busy night for us, and we have been selling rooms nonstop all night. Had you reserved a room during either of your previous calls, I would happily have had a room for you, and I even offered rooms at a lower price than what we were asking since you've stayed before. You didn't reserve a room, so I had to sell them when other customers came looking for them.
SC: But I stay there all the time!
Me: I know that, ma'am, but I'm afraid that there's nothing I can do any more. If you had wanted to hold a room before, there would have been no problem. Unfortunately, you decided to hang up and end our conversations before, which limited my options.
SC: You're doing to pay for this. Your general manager is going to fire your ass in the morning!
Me: (No, she's not). You're certainly welcome to talk to her, her name is (GM) and she's in at about 6:30...actually, I'm sorry, her schedule says 7am this morning. If you want to leave your number, I can have her call you instead if you like.
SC: FUCK YOU!
Me: So...would you like me to leave your number?
SC: *click*
Bye bye!
Doesn't it just suck when your choices and impatience come around to bite you in the ass? See, you have an issue: I document everything. I've been on this website too long NOT to do it...so all those times when you called, and I made you offers? I noted that IN YOUR ACCOUNT, which is time stamped. So, when you call back in the morning and try to bitch out our GM, I've left a trail of bread crumbs that will contradict your claims. Also, I found your cell number in your profile, so when the GM calls you first...well, that just makes me look like the winner.See, I know how to defeat hosebeasts. Their snarling is a whole lot less intimidating across a phone line, backed by a wave of ineptitude and failure.
Seriously, Housekeeping?
So, our laundry room is on the other side of our break room, which is behind the front desk. When the main dryers are run, they make an alarm beep that stays on until someone checks the dryer, so that things don't get left in there to get all wrinkled.
The last person out form Housekeeping left a load in the dryer (probably rags, which can sit). Problem one, they forgot to disable the alarm, so it was left going off. Problem two, no one but them can get into the laundry room.
Solution? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! All. Fucking. Night. Long.
I may be slightly annoyed.
And now for something completely different.
NRG (Nice Repeat Guest): You know, I always like seeing you here at night. You always have a nice word and a bit of conversation for me, I like that. Give this to your manager. (hands me a letter)
Me: Aww shucks...
The oddest thing about this job, I run into far more NRGs than SCs lately. I don't know what's in the letter, but I can't imagine it's a rant about how bad I suck
Totally turned my night around though.Well, that could've gone worse
Your descriptive skills are reminiscent of a GK post!
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