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So, recently, I had a bout with dysentery. Yes, I clearly time-travelled to the 18th/19th century in order to catch something truly interesting from the street water pumps. No common cold for me...
Anyway, if anyone has ever had dysentery, they will know that it can be the worst pain of all time. Seriously, if someone had come to me and offered me five minutes of pain-free-ness in exchange for everything I owned, I would have jumped at it. For the first time, I understood why a needle in the spine for an epidural seems desirable at childbirth. I spent days in my bathroom floor, occasionally passing out from the pain of it and praying for death.
So, by the third or fourth day, I was so dehydrated I couldn't move. My housemate finally decided it was time to drag me to the hospital (massively phobic.) After being released from said hospital, clutching a fistful of prescriptions and still very, very sick (yay NHS bed shortages), I made my way to the nearby pharmacy... which was, of course, full of grumpy old people and impatient mothers and jonesing methadone users and so on. Being very, VERY careful not to touch anything/anyone (dysentery spreads through direct contact, ie, I have to touch something and then they have to touch it and then put the hands by/in their mouths) I slowly and painfully make my way to the counter and hand over the prescriptions.
AP = Awesome Pharmacist
COB = Crazy old bat
AC - Awesome customer
Me: How long is the wait? (knowing from experience that it was probably 45 minutes to an hour minimum
)
(This is bad, because not only was I in severe pain, but another thing about dysentery is that it's considered a bad idea to give anti-sickness meds... which meant every second was a ticking time bomb to gastric hell
)
AP: An hour, but I'll get these done right away for you.
Me: *unintelligible rambling gratitude*
COB: OI! *barges past me* I've been waiting TWO HOURS, you will serve ME first!
AP:
Ma'am, you've been here 20 minutes.
COB: NUH UH AND I'M OLD SERVE ME BLAH BLAH BLAH
AP: Ma'am, her prescription is clearly very urgent while yours-
COB: UNACCEPTABLE DISCRIMINATIONG BLAH BLAH BLAH
Me:
Enter Awesome Customer!
AC: HEY! SHUT THE HELL UP!
COB:
AC: Can't you tell how sick she is? *gestures at me* I've seen year-old milk that looks healthier than she does right now!
COB:
Rest of pharmacy:
AC: *to pharmacist* Give her (me) my place in the queue, I'm up soon.
At this stage, if it wouldn't have been a one-way ticket to hell for the poor guy, I would have kissed him.
AP: No Sir, that's not necessary, I have someone filling her prescription right now.
COB: WHAAAAT NOT FAIR UNACCEPTABLE RABBLE RABBLE-
AC: Shut UP, you old bitch!
COB:
Three minutes later (well, the crazy old SC claimed half an hour, so using SC time conversions it was probably three minutes max) the pharmacist presents my meds.
AP: When did you last take the >strong pain meds<?
Me: X hours ago?
AP: Right. *goes out back for a minute and returns with water* Take a couple now and then you'll be good to go once you get home
I actually cried with gratitude.
The kicker? As I winced my way out of the room, I heard the crazy old SC screaming about her prescription. What was she getting?
COUGH SYRUP.
FREAKING COUGH SYRUP.
Yeah, because your cough is so much more urgent than my body's determination to expel my internal organs from every possible orifice in less than a second
Crazy old bitch.
Anyway, if anyone has ever had dysentery, they will know that it can be the worst pain of all time. Seriously, if someone had come to me and offered me five minutes of pain-free-ness in exchange for everything I owned, I would have jumped at it. For the first time, I understood why a needle in the spine for an epidural seems desirable at childbirth. I spent days in my bathroom floor, occasionally passing out from the pain of it and praying for death.
So, by the third or fourth day, I was so dehydrated I couldn't move. My housemate finally decided it was time to drag me to the hospital (massively phobic.) After being released from said hospital, clutching a fistful of prescriptions and still very, very sick (yay NHS bed shortages), I made my way to the nearby pharmacy... which was, of course, full of grumpy old people and impatient mothers and jonesing methadone users and so on. Being very, VERY careful not to touch anything/anyone (dysentery spreads through direct contact, ie, I have to touch something and then they have to touch it and then put the hands by/in their mouths) I slowly and painfully make my way to the counter and hand over the prescriptions.
AP = Awesome Pharmacist
COB = Crazy old bat
AC - Awesome customer
Me: How long is the wait? (knowing from experience that it was probably 45 minutes to an hour minimum
)(This is bad, because not only was I in severe pain, but another thing about dysentery is that it's considered a bad idea to give anti-sickness meds... which meant every second was a ticking time bomb to gastric hell
)AP: An hour, but I'll get these done right away for you.
Me: *unintelligible rambling gratitude
*COB: OI! *barges past me* I've been waiting TWO HOURS, you will serve ME first!
AP:
Ma'am, you've been here 20 minutes.COB: NUH UH AND I'M OLD SERVE ME BLAH BLAH BLAH
AP: Ma'am, her prescription is clearly very urgent while yours-
COB: UNACCEPTABLE DISCRIMINATIONG BLAH BLAH BLAH
Me:
Enter Awesome Customer!
AC: HEY! SHUT THE HELL UP!
COB:
AC: Can't you tell how sick she is? *gestures at me* I've seen year-old milk that looks healthier than she does right now!
COB:
Rest of pharmacy:
AC: *to pharmacist* Give her (me) my place in the queue, I'm up soon.
At this stage, if it wouldn't have been a one-way ticket to hell for the poor guy, I would have kissed him.
AP: No Sir, that's not necessary, I have someone filling her prescription right now.
COB: WHAAAAT NOT FAIR UNACCEPTABLE RABBLE RABBLE-
AC: Shut UP, you old bitch!
COB:
Three minutes later (well, the crazy old SC claimed half an hour, so using SC time conversions it was probably three minutes max) the pharmacist presents my meds.
AP: When did you last take the >strong pain meds<?
Me: X hours ago?
AP: Right. *goes out back for a minute and returns with water* Take a couple now and then you'll be good to go once you get home
I actually cried with gratitude.
The kicker? As I winced my way out of the room, I heard the crazy old SC screaming about her prescription. What was she getting?
COUGH SYRUP.
FREAKING COUGH SYRUP.
Yeah, because your cough is so much more urgent than my body's determination to expel my internal organs from every possible orifice in less than a second
Crazy old bitch.
" - Jester, about me 
(<- it can't spread via hug smilie!)
)
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