How to get moved to the front of the line at the food stamp office

[Slave to the Phone]

Yell at the front desk workers? Yeah, no, that never works and we have armed guards to suggest that they come back later.

Tell us that they don't have time to wait because they have other things to do today. Nope, if you are waiting for government services, the wait time will be very long. Come back tomorrow and plan to spend all day.

Be polite. Be nice. Be at least 10 months pregnant and drive over 20 miles of unpaved road just to get highway to drive 60 miles to try to get benefits started before the blessed event. And do it 3 times in a week because its hard to get all the paperwork when you live without internet or phone access, but just to make it special, when the front desk person calls you by name and asks how you are feeling on the third visit, causally mention that you are now having contractions.

Bonus points happen when you tell someone who's only experience with giving birth was her cat doing it in front of her when she was 3 years old. (and got fixed at 19, just to be sure that she would never have to eat an afterbirth. you never know about these things.)

I'm seriously terrified of pregnant women because I never, EVER want to witness someone in labor.

I also am afraid to hold babies. When it comes to the whole childbirth thing, I'm a total mess and I am very happy that other people are dealing with that for me.

So...when Pregnant Customer just causally mentioned that she had had 4 contractions in the last 2 hours and I knew that this was her 4th child...I panicked!

Instant Message to my sup: There is a pregnant woman here who is having contractions. May I please, oh please fast pass her? Sup: Yes: Me: thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Now, for more background, I am known to be unflappable. I stay calm when being screamed at, I stay calm when clients complain of chest pains (would you like me to call 911?), I didn't even freak out when someone yanked a phone out of the wall and threw it at me (breaking the window), I just called 911 and then called my sup.

I never panic or get excited. My sup knows this and knew that my IM was way out of character. She promptly went trotting through the cube farm to find someone who could work that case right away, and mentioned that I was freaking out over a woman with contractions. The worker knew that I was unflappable and thought that there was a real emergency happening. She got the pregnant woman out of the lobby in less that 20 minutes.

As it happened, there are some sort of contractions that have a name but aren't labor sort of contractions. Pregnant woman was just fine, her worker and other workers who just happened to wander out to see what the problem was were just fine.

I was the one breathing in a paper bag and looking for somewhere soft to fall when I passed out. I will be mocked about this for the next 23 months.

[TheWolfEmperor]

Are they able to show up earlier in the morning? When I needed EBT services the best time to get seen quickly was early in the morning. Granted not everyone has the time but still...

I hear you about the labor bit. It's scary to even think about, like what if I'm in the elevator like in earlier 90s sitcoms?

[Slave to the Phone]

While I usually don't have much sympathy for folks who can't bother to get to the food stamp office early with no good reason, PC gets a pass. The unpaved dirt roads she was using were home made for the most part. Seriously back woods living. She had to wait for the sun to come up before she tried to navigate down twisty, turny roads with just her headlights. she was there at 8:30 every morning, which told me that she left her home around 6.

But seriously, if I was stuck in an elevator with a woman giving birth, when the EMT's got the doors open, they wouldn't worry much about the woman calmly and happily holding her baby, they would pick up the fat old woman passed out on the floor and put her on the gurney.

[LadyofArc]

As it happened, there are some sort of contractions that have a name but aren't labor sort of contractions. Pregnant woman was just fine, her worker and other workers who just happened to wander out to see what the problem was were just fine.

Braxton Hicks I believe is the term you're looking for.

I wonder...would doing some sort of exposure therapy help? (Eg spend a day with a midwife [with the midwife and patient's permission of course!] in a hospital)

[TheWolfEmperor]

Or just watch Call the Midwife.

[TheCheerfulTreeRat]

Or just watch Call the Midwife.

...because nothing EVER goes wrong on that!

[TheWolfEmperor]

...because nothing EVER goes wrong on that!

Well it's certainly not a waste of an hour at least. It's either that or the episode of Downton Abbey where Lady Sybil... oh, yeah, I see where you're going with this.

[Slave to the Phone]

Why are you guys being so mean to me? It was a horrible, traumatic experience! I'm needing smelling salts just thinking about a show about Midwives because I'm pretty sure they involve women having babies.

I have also learned that my coworkers are also mean. A lot of them have had babies and are now very eager to share their experiences with me.

The worse one was someone I really thought was a friend. She wanted to share the video of her grand daughter being born in some sort of pool. Not only that, she waited until we had recreated together for a while!

[TheWolfEmperor]

Why are you guys being so mean to me? It was a horrible, traumatic experience!

I'm sorry. I had my own recent disturbing experience involving my cousin's future wife and child and I joke to make light of it. I apologize if we're coming off as insensitive.

[Kittykat]

I've had four, so I'm sorry? lol.

[dalesys]

Why are you guys being so mean to me? It was a horrible, traumatic experience! ...

Change diapers for a few years and get back to me. My mother found the shell of a fairly large beetle in one and it had clearly gone through the works.

[Cia]

Change diapers for a few years and get back to me. My mother found the shell of a fairly large beetle in one and it had clearly gone through the works.

Someone evidently needed some ruffage.

[Slave to the Phone]

I am the one who should apologize. I was joking about you guys being mean in a laughing way. I deserve to be mocked and it honestly was very funny. Sometimes its hard tease in this media because nobody can see my face or hear me laughing.

TheWolfEmperor I am here mocking myself and opening myself to being mocked by friends. I am much like you, I have to laugh about this stuff, its the only way to deal with it

[skeptic53]

Back when I was delivering babies, I was bemused by how women treat each other. As soon as a woman announced her pregnancy, her women friends would begin regaling her with horror stories. "I was in labor 99 hours, and then they got THE HOOK !"

[notalwaysright]

Back when I was delivering babies, I was bemused by how women treat each other. As soon as a woman announced her pregnancy, her women friends would begin regaling her with horror stories.

My mom thinks it's horrible the way women do that! They did that to her when she was pregnant with me, and so after I was born my mom made sure to tell her own story... Of how I was born quickly and without complication and how she went home right away. Yeah, it does happen apparently. I think all women have heard the horror stories, and many are reluctant to believe that some births are not so horrid. They will be dismissive of her, saying that she forgot all the bad stuff and that she's remembering wrong. She's not saying it was a walk in the park. She's saying it wasn't like on tv where the woman screams until her throat bleeds, either, and the main point is that yeah it could be bad but it could also be okay.