Customers Suck!

Customers Suck! (http://www.customerssuck.com/board/index.php)
-   Jokes (http://www.customerssuck.com/board/forumdisplay.php?f=33)
-   -   Two Blonde Jokes (I'm also blonde) (http://www.customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=92740)

fireheart 09-08-2012 12:45 PM

Two Blonde Jokes (I'm also blonde)
 
And yes I'm blonde, so this isn't meant to be offensive. :p

Joke The First

A blonde walks up to a coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a drink. She looks amazed and runs away to get more coins. She returns and continues to feed the machine coins and the machine of course continues to pop out drinks. Someone else comes up and watches her for a while before tapping her on the shoulder and asking if someone else can have a go. The blonde immediately spins around and shouts in the person's face "Can't you see I'm winning?"

Joke The Second

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were due to be executed. They chose death by firing squad.
So the redhead is brought out first and placed into position. As the men take their positions, she looks around and screams out "EARTHQUAKE!" The men are confused and in her confusion, she escapes.
The brunette is then brought out and placed into position. The men also take their positions, so she looks around and screams out "HURRICANE!" The men are confused again, so the brunette also escapes.
Now the blonde has been watching the events unfold and she gets the idea. So she's brought out and placed into position. The men take their positions for the last time and the blonde looks around, then screams "FIRE!"

sms001 09-15-2012 10:44 AM

Quote:

Quoth fireheart (Post 1076899)
And yes I'm blonde, so this isn't meant to be offensive. :p

Have gotten almost ALL my blonde jokes from blondes. :lol:

Here's one for your repertoire:

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?


A. So brunettes can remember them.

dalesys 09-16-2012 12:46 AM

I'm allowed to tell true blonde stories because I used to be one...:wave:


Until i got better.:D

Nurian 09-21-2012 04:34 PM

Quote:

Quoth dalesys (Post 1079634)
I'm allowed to tell true blonde stories because I used to be one...:wave:


Until i got better.:D

You dyed your hair?

Isn't that artificial intelligence? :D

Kittish 09-22-2012 03:04 AM

My all time (so far) favorite blonde joke (and yes, I'm blonde)

Two blondes walk into a building....
You'd think one of them would have seen it.

TheSHAD0W 09-22-2012 04:22 PM

Do you know why there aren't any blonde Klingons?


<Puts on a vapid grin and tosses head side-to-side> Shoulder spikes!

Crucible1 09-23-2012 05:15 AM

what is a blonde with 2 braincells called?

Pregnant...lol

dalesys 09-23-2012 07:20 PM

Quote:

Quoth dalesys (Post 1079634)
Until i got better.:D

Quote:

Quoth Nurian (Post 1081360)
You dyed your hair?

Went brown in preteen... But it's been going more and more really light blonde the last 10 years...
Senility isn't much different.

TheSHAD0W 09-23-2012 11:05 PM

How do you kill a blonde with a scratch-and-sniff sticker?

Paste it on the bottom of a pool...



Why is a blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning...

It swells overnight...



Why shouldn't you give blondes coffee breaks?

They take too long to retrain...

DeltaSierra 09-24-2012 06:50 AM

I'm a blonde, and love blonde jokes.

One day while driving along a blonde sees another blonde in the middle of a wheat field rowing in a boat. So she stops and yells to get her attention and asks her what she's doing. The blonde in the rowboat yells "What does it look like, you moron? I'm paddling through an ocean of wheat!" The first blonde yells "It's blondes like you that give all us blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your ass!"

------------

A man comes home to find his wife crying in the living room. He asks her what's wrong and she sobs "I know I've been a ditz lately, and I wanted to show you that I can be smart too! I've been working on a puzzle of a rooster all afternoon, but no matter how hard I try I just can't figure it out!"

She brings him into the kitchen, and he and looks at the table, and studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “Its okay darling, I know you've been trying very hard and I'm extremely proud of you. I want you to sit down and dry your eyes. I'm going to fix you a nice cup of tea and then..." he says with a big sigh,


"We'll put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

cinema guy 09-25-2012 10:21 PM

Quote:

Quoth DeltaSierra (Post 1082167)

"We'll put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

:roll::roll::roll: that was brilliant. I love it. :lol::lol::lol:

Cecily 01-10-2013 05:48 PM

Disclaimer : I was a blonde before my hair turned mousy brown (now gray).

Hipster blonde goes to the hairdresser for a haircut. As she's wearing headphones, the hairdresser asks her to remove them. The blonde refuses and the hairdresser starts to work around the headphones.

She keeps asking the blonde customer to remove the headphones because she just can't work around it all the time, but the blonde still says no. At the end of her patience, the hairdresser grabs the headphones off the blonde's head and throws them away. Three minutes later, the blonde is dead. When the hairdresser picked up the headphones, she heard a voice : "Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale..."

cindybubbles 01-11-2013 04:37 PM

Two blonde jokes:

#1:
A ventriloquist and his dummy were performing dumb blonde jokes at an event hall. He's about to go to his next joke when a young woman stood up.

"Hey you!" she cried. "What does hair color have to do with intelligence? Just because I'm blond doesn't mean I'm dumb!"

The ventriloquist tried to apologize, but she interrupted, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to the little jerk on your knee!"

#2:
A blind guy walks into a bar and says "Do you guys want to hear a dumb blonde joke?"

One of the patrons takes the guy aside and says this: "Listen, the bartender is blond. The 400-pound wrestler at the corner table is blond. The wealthy lawyer at the bar is blond. The neurosurgeon over there is also blond. Matter of fact, I'm blond. Do you want to say that joke now?"

The blind guy pauses, and then answers, "Nah. I don't want to have to explain the joke to you guys five times."

fireheart 01-12-2013 01:11 AM

Quote:

Quoth cindybubbles (Post 1111390)
The blind guy pauses, and then answers, "Nah. I don't want to have to explain the joke to you guys five times."

:lol:

One of the variants of that joke I've heard involves the NZ All-Blacks (Rugby team) and the punchline being that they have to explain it three times.

I wouldn't want to fuck with the All-Blacks though :eek:

DGoddessChardonnay 01-13-2013 06:03 PM

Quote:

Quoth Nurian (Post 1081360)
You dyed your hair?

Isn't that artificial intelligence? :D

I guess in the case of a brunette dying her hair blonde would make her artificially stupid?:p

Salted Grump 01-23-2013 05:45 PM

Why are there no stupid Brunettes?

Peroxide.

Ruach 02-05-2013 07:34 AM

fireheart,

That is so funny, thanks for sharing (fire...hahahah)

Ruach 02-05-2013 07:49 AM

These jokes R all good and funny

Dytchdoctir 02-05-2013 03:25 PM

The Blonde Song

(Sung to the tune of Old McDonald Had a Farm)

I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm blonde,

B - L - N - O . . .

B . . . L . . . U?

B . . . L . . .

(sigh)

I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm blonde . . .

RecoveringKinkoid 02-06-2013 01:58 AM

I think it was Dolly Parton that said she wasn't offended by blonde jokes because she knew she wasn't dumb and she also knew she wasn't blonde. ;)

XCashier 02-12-2013 09:26 PM

Quote:

Quoth Dytchdoctir (Post 1117766)
The Blonde Song

Here's another Blonde Song. :)


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:20 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.