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Lace Neil Singer 05-04-2007 02:34 PM

How was copper wire invented?

Two Scotsmen fought over a penny.

(Hides from angry kilt wearers)

Professional Serf 05-17-2007 04:36 PM

Doughboy
Sad news... Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment industry.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

tollbaby 05-17-2007 09:51 PM

Quote:

Quoth DarthRetard (Post 95900)
1. There's two muffins sitting in an oven. One looks at the other, says "Hey, it's getting warm in here! The other one looks right at him and screams "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

My two best friends were sitting in the car while we were waiting for our turn at the drive-through. So S starts telling this joke... but as soon as he says "it's getting warm in here...", T blurts out "But muffins can't talk!" and ruined the punch line :D I just about died laughing and they kicked me out of the car :roll:

Professional Serf 05-22-2007 03:44 AM

Girl Potato and Boy Potato


Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally
they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called
'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they
told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and
getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad
name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater
Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make
a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay
home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise
so as to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch
out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland . . . And the greasy guys
from France called the French Fries .

. .And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she
wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and
narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or
the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on
all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho PU. (that's Potato University) so
that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just........................

Are you ready for this?......................





Are you sure?............................





OK! Here it is!............................





A COMMON TATER !

counterjockey 05-26-2007 05:45 AM

Q. What did the zombie say to the pretty girl in the bar one night?


A. Baby, I'd like to fork your brains out.




I'm sorry, George Romero...

Giggle Goose 06-02-2007 07:22 PM

Yo momma is so fat she entered a fat contest and won first, second and third place!

*runs away*

XCashier 06-03-2007 08:16 PM

Yo momma so ugly her psychiatrist makes her lie on the couch face down! :D

cinema guy 06-03-2007 09:30 PM

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.


What do you call a Frenchman with a car on is head?
Jaques.

rvdammit 06-04-2007 09:02 PM

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff!

MadMike 06-07-2007 07:00 PM

Q: What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

A: He got pissed off.


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