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NightAngel 03-11-2007 10:25 AM

Did you hear about the Agonostic Dyslexic Insomniac?

He'd lay awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog?


DarthRetard 03-11-2007 07:02 PM

I don't think my brain can't take this.

This is a two parter:

1. There's two muffins sitting in an oven. One looks at the other, says "Hey, it's getting warm in here! The other one looks right at him and screams "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

2. There's a dinosaur and a robot in a theme park. The robot wanted to go on the rollercoaster, so they get in line. They get in the car, and as soon as they're at the top, the dinosaur looks over at the robot frightened.....and he says, "Oh man, oh man oh man oh man, I forgot, I'm scared of rollercoasters.......!" The robot slowly turns to him, and with an astonished look on his metallic face....screams...


wait for it......

'HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!":lol: im sorry.....

NightAngel 03-12-2007 07:11 AM


Quoth DarthRetard (Post 95900)
'HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!":lol: im sorry.....

And you have the guile to boo my joke?!

DarthRetard 03-12-2007 03:45 PM


Quoth NightAngel (Post 96176)
And you have the guile to boo my joke?!

Look! A Talking muffin!:roll:

Oh, I slay me...someone better j ust block me from this thread before i cause anymore damage to the ozone layer.....

MadMike 03-14-2007 05:38 AM

Did you hear about the dehydrated Frenchman?

His name was Pierre, and that's all he could do.

Lace Neil Singer 03-15-2007 04:45 PM

OK, this one is truly terrible; apologies to the people who's names I misused, but I couldn't think of anyone else's on the spot.

Raps: My pen's just run out.
Ree: Quick, run after it!

rvdammit 03-15-2007 06:53 PM

Patient: I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor: Pull yourself together!

MadMike 03-15-2007 07:44 PM

Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together?

They made an ass of themselves.

Lace Neil Singer 03-15-2007 09:12 PM

Did you hear about the man who fell into a river in France?

He went in Seine.

Kara 03-21-2007 06:41 AM

Two pretzels were walking down the street, and one was assaulted ("a salted." Thanks Monty Python)

Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?

A man came down to breakfast one morning and his wife asked him why he had been out so late the night before.

"Oh, it was wonderful, dear," he replied. "There's this new bar that just opened called the Golden Palace. I was there all night! They have golden doors, and golden floors. They even have golden urinals!"

Skeptical, the wife searched around and found that there was indeed a bar called the Golden Palace, so she called them.

"Excuse me," she asked the bartender on the phone, "but do you have golden doors?"
"And do you have golden floors."
"Yes we do."
"And do you have golden urinals?"
The bartender thought for a moment, then called out "Hey Al, I think we got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"


A pirate walks into a bar, and he has a steering wheel in his pants.

"Hey," the bartender asks, "what's with the steering wheel?"
The pirate replied, "Arrg, it drives me nuts."


A husband and wife had an argument and stopped talking to each other. This went on for days, until the husband needed to get up early to leave for a business trip. Not wanting to lose the battle and be the first to speak, he wrote "Wake me up at 5. I have a flight in the morning," and gave it to his wife before going to bed. The next morning he awoke to find sunlight filling the bedroom and he could hear birds singing outside. It was 9am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he looked over and saw that his wife was not in bed, but there was a note on his pillow that she had left him. "It's 5am. Wake up."

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