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  • Zombie needs his mommy

    ....or at least it seemed that way.

    Friday at the DMV. We were closed on Thursday for Veteran's Day, so Friday we are getting slammed. And not just slammed, but packed to the gills with zombies who were not lively enough to be in Night of the Living Dead.

    You would call a number, and from the great mass you could hear: Uuuhhhrrrmmmm, a little louder than all the other inarticulate noises they were making out there. A walking dead would slowly lurch up to the counter, dropping body parts as they stumbled along. Then, I would spend about 5 minutes trying to drag out of them what they wanted or why they were here.

    But at five minutes to 5 o'clock, I got the core zombie, ground zero for all zombiedom. His license was expiring on Friday, but he had also decided he wanted a chauffer's license, so one of the clerks had given him the written test to complete. But, oh no!, he hadn't passed. The very concept of "not passing" seemed to totally confound him. I did get out of him that he had just been guessing when he answered the questions.

    Zombie Boy (ZB): "You make people just take tests without giving them any information to look over?"

    Me: (I am not even going to dignify this with a response. I pull out the little brochure from its stand on the counter and hand it to him.)

    ZB: (looks around wildly - decisions are so hard) "Can I just stand here and try again?"

    Me: "Well, you can step to the side right here (indicating a free spot about one foot away) so I can wait on someone else. Then just let me know when you are finished, and I will take care of you."

    This is too difficult for him to grasp. Seemingly, he cannot take a test unless he has someone staring at him, offering him words of encouragement for every question he answers.

    Me: "Sir, you can get a chauffer's license, but you must take the test again and pass it. You can renew your regular driver's license. You can wait and come back next week."

    ZB: "If I come back next week, how can I drive this weekend?"

    Me: "You can't. However, if you renew your regular license today, and come back next week for the chauffer's, you will pay full price twice."

    Clearly, judging by the inarticulate moans and groans, I am pushing his brain far beyond its very limited capacity.

    ZB: "I need a chauffer's license for my job."

    Me: "And you need to pass the test for that first. It is now 5 o'clock. I am afraid I cannot allow you to start another test (actually I could have, but with the slowness with which his brain worked made me rule that one out). Do you want to renew your regular license or come back next week?"

    ZB (grindingly slow): "I'll renew the regular license." He tries to hand me a Visa card.

    Me: "We don't take Visa. Cash, check, Discover, or Mastercard only."

    ZB: "EEErrrrmmmm." He waves at a sign posted. "You take Visa, see?"

    Me: "That sign says that we do not take Visa. See?" I point to where it says that we do not take Visa. "There is an ATM against the back wall, where you can use your Visa."

    ZB: "I am not paying a service fee." He stares at me, willing me, daring me to take care of this for him.

    Me: "Then have a nice day." I start to move away. This does goad him to some sort of movement. He lumbers over to the ATM, yelling at me to wait for him.

    Fail. His card is over limit, and he is back to staring at me.

    Me: "Listen, no matter what kind of license you want, you have to pay for it."

    ZB: "You don't take Visa!" Yeah, me personally, I have the power to stop Visa.

    Me: "Even if I did, your Visa is declined, so how would that do you any good? I can't help you today. You need to come back next week."

    ZB: "Can you call my mom to come down here and bring me some money?"

    Me: (Ahh, so he does recognize the fact that I am not his real mommy) "We are closed."

    ZB: "But I need --."

    We are so done here. Me: "You need to bring payment. If you come back next week, you can have time over the weekend to study the chauffer's pamphlet."

    That's right, Zombie Boy, your mommy does not work here. You waited until the absolute last minute to care of this, which meant that you have no options. If you had even showed up at 4 pm, when the wait time was 25-30 minutes, you would have been up to the counter and still had 30 minutes to look over the chauffer's pamphlet and run out to your bank across the street.
    To seek it with thimbles, to seek it with care;
    To pursue it with forks and hope;
    To threaten its life with a railway share;
    To charm it with forks and hope!

  • #2
    Good God. If he's that slow, not to mention deficient in the reading-comprehension dept (as per his failure to understand the sign), I sure wouldn't want him driving me anywhere! I'd be afraid he'd see a sign saying "Road Closed" and only the word "Road" would get through. Or maybe interpret it as "the road is close" (as in nearby).
    When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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    • #3
      What I gotta wonder is HOW you can take Mastercard but not Visa? At least that's what i pulled out of it...that's just weird to take one but not the other.
      https://www.youtube.com/user/HedgeTV
      Great YouTube channel check it out!

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      • #4
        Quoth telecom_goddess View Post
        What I gotta wonder is HOW you can take Mastercard but not Visa? At least that's what i pulled out of it...that's just weird to take one but not the other.
        I'm guessing it has something to do with the merchant fees.

        Am I the only one who read this as "Zombie needs his mummy?"
        To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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        • #5
          ^I read it as that, too.

          I don't know about the Mastercard vs. Visa thing, but I know my school won't take Visa anymore...it has something to do with the service fees.

          Also, wow. I wouldn't want him driving near me, either!
          "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
          "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
          Amayis is my wifey

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          • #6
            Quoth Mr Hero View Post
            I'm guessing it has something to do with the merchant fees.

            Am I the only one who read this as "Zombie needs his mummy?"
            Correct on the merchant fees. I know Visa is the most popular, it's what everyone pulls out of their wallet, hence the higher fees.

            It sucks. It really sucks. I personally have a Visa and no Mastercard. But apart from making everyone sign a contract when they walk through the door, it is a constant struggle to make everyone aware that we don't take Visa. We even make general announcements: "No Visa accepted here."

            But customers don't read and they don't listen.
            To seek it with thimbles, to seek it with care;
            To pursue it with forks and hope;
            To threaten its life with a railway share;
            To charm it with forks and hope!

            Comment


            • #7
              I don't suppose you know what company he drives for? You could do a public service announcement to avoid them.
              Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
              Save the Ales!
              Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

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              • #8
                Odd. oO Visa and MC are the same company.

                It's AMEX that I usually hear merchants complaining about -- they're notorious for having fees roughly *double* what others charge, and taking twice as long to actually send the payments to the vendors...For overseas vendors, expect that time to double >_>
                "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
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                • #9
                  That's the kind of person who SHOULD NOT ever be behind the wheel...any wheel.

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                  • #10
                    I agree with Brojekk, I am worried he's even ALLOWED to drive!!

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                    • #11
                      Are you his mummy?

                      And on a more curious note, there are now high schools which have done away with the failing grade altogether, and now pass anyone. So the concept of "not failing a test", well, blame public schools who like to have positive numbers and are pressured by all sides to let a student who is otherwise . . . not up to standard . . . slide through. Because everyone has a different learning curve and we shouldn't dare punish those who learn slower, so let's pass them now rather than later.

                      I could rave about schools for ages, but . . . why?

                      Also, I so need to take my driving test soon. This is the last time I let my actual license lapse

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Brojekk View Post
                        That's the kind of person who SHOULD NOT ever be behind the wheel...any wheel.
                        No, no, he *should* be behind a wheel. A monster truck wheel. That's moving in reverse.

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                        • #13
                          heh. zombies at the DMV... actually that got me thinking of dane cook (language warning, hey it's dane cook what do you expect? )

                          but yeesh. maybe it's me but most dmv tests i took mainly required common sense. how hard is the chauffeur test?

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                          • #14
                            Quoth EricKei View Post
                            Odd. oO Visa and MC are the same company.

                            It's AMEX that I usually hear merchants complaining about -- they're notorious for having fees roughly *double* what others charge, and taking twice as long to actually send the payments to the vendors...For overseas vendors, expect that time to double >_>
                            Visa and Mastercard are not the same company, they route through the same network through so signing up for both is hardly any more investment then signing up for one.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Mr Hero View Post
                              Am I the only one who read this as "Zombie needs his mummy?"
                              Where I am, 'mommy' is spelled 'mummy'. Soo.....
                              Seshat's self-help guide:
                              1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                              2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                              3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                              4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                              "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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