Customers Suck!

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-   -   The Customer Complaint Letter Game (

Lace Neil Singer 12-22-2009 09:46 PM

Dear Ms Huffy,

Enclosed is a size 9 tag, a needle and a reel of cotton. Please feel free to sew the tag into whichever size dress you choose to purchase. I trust that is satisfactory.


Mrs Manager.

Dear Card Shop Manager,

I bought my son a helium balloon from your store. When we went outside, he let go the string and the balloon went into the sky. Your shop assistant was very rude and would not give us a free balloon to replace the one that was lost. I hope she's satisfied; she has ruined my son's entire life and he will require years of therapy due to this incident. I demand that you fire this witch or I will sue you for everything you have.

Yours sincerely,

Helle Copterparent.


Quoth ralerin (Post 663486)
Off topic for 2 seconds, but Merchant of Venice ftw?

Shakespeare is always ftw. XD

Irving Patrick Freleigh 12-22-2009 10:34 PM

Dear Helle:

I live in a cardboard box. Your threat does not scare me in any way.

Card Shop Manager, who must've been downsized but hasn't been informed of this yet.

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Dear Shop Mart:

I was in your store the other day buying some last-minute Hanukkah gifts, and the putz checking me out told me "Merry Christmas."

Oy gevalt! I was buying a Jenga game and an MP3 player! How could she not know I'm Jewish.

What a schlemiel she your cashier is! I demand you fire her! Now I'm all verklempt!

Hymen Hyman

rageaholic 12-23-2009 05:35 AM

(This looks like fun)

Dear Mr Hymen Hymen,

Since you seem so offended at the idea of someone wishing you a Merry Christmas, than have a crappy Christmas and a shitty new year.

Sincerely, Shop Mart Manager.

Dear Gas Mart

Three months ago when I was on vacation in Las Vegas, I bought a bag of chips worth 99 cents with a dollar bill at your store and the clerk never offered my one penny in change. I demand that my change be airmailed back to my home across the state or I will make sure to never set foot in your store again.

Signed, Jack Kass.

fireheart 12-23-2009 11:26 AM

Dear Mr. Kass,

See this stamp on the top of your envelope? That is your one penny. Now please go and donate that same penny to a child who could use it.

Sincerely, Gas Mart Peon.

Dear Large Supermarket,

I was at the checkout the other day and the person who served me wore a Muslim headscarf and was offended at having to touch pork! I demand that you fire or place her out of sight as we are a Christian nation and no Muslim person should be allowed to work at a checkout...


Miss Ray Cist.

rageaholic 12-23-2009 03:54 PM

Miss Cist,

You may want to re read your bible, particularly the part about loving your neighbor. I don't think Jesus would condone firing a cashier of a different faith.

Sincerely, a non Christian Manager.

PS: Are you going to demand my termination now that I said I wasn't Christian?

Dear Burger King.

I went to your restaurant to purchase a Whopper. Everyone laughed at me! When the manager came, he told me they don't serve whoppers there, saying something about a "big mac". I demand that everyone of your employees at that restaurant be fired for their rude behavior! Since when do they stop serving whoppers?

Yours truely,

Moe Ron.

(Can you guess what happened to this guy?)

Lace Neil Singer 12-23-2009 09:48 PM

Dear Mr Ron,

I believe your problem could be solved if you'd gone to the opticions before heading off to purchase fast food. A new pair of glasses could solve the problem you had when you mistook McDonalds for Burger King .

Yours sincerely,

Mr Manager.

Dear Crapmart Manager,

I went to buy cigarettes at the kiosk today and the girl had the nerve to ask me for ID. I am sure that she only asked me for ID cuz I'm black. I demand that this racist clerk be fired at once.


Ms Racecardpuller.

Gibbo 12-23-2009 11:50 PM

Dear Ms. Racecardpuller,

if you look under 25 our staff have to ask. It's the same whether you are white, black or blue with pink spots. I regret to have to inform you that on this occasion your race card has been declined.

Yours sincerely,
Crapmart Manager

Dear Manager,

I had come out of the post office when I saw one of your employees across the street, so I went over to him to ask him about one of the promotions that you are doing. Before I had finished talking to him a car pulled up and he got inside. I informed him that I hadn't finished and wanted more information he said that he had to go as he was going to a funeral.

How dare he think that anything is more important than talking to his customers! He clearly doesn't know anything about customer service so he should be fired and I should receive a 500 gift voucher for my inconvenience.


A.N. Idiot.

Irving Patrick Freleigh 12-25-2009 02:23 AM

Dear Idiot:

Thank you for informing us of your issue. Rest assured, we have addressed it to your satisfaction. We dragged that particular employee's direct manager out of his office and beat him to death. The funeral is Tuesday.

Some Suit

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Dear Fun-O-Rama Toys:

I recently purchased one of your Really Really Flatulent Man action figures for my son. Like many young boys, he is into all those super heroes with the punching and the kicking and the pulling of the hair and the blaster rays and all that.

My son thought the action figure would make him fly, so he climbed up to the third-floor balcony, held the action figure over his head, and jumped off. He's dead now.

Give me a coupon for a free toy of my choice and put warnings on the action figures telling people they will not make them fly, or else I will sue you back to the stone age.

N.O. Brain

blas 12-25-2009 06:04 AM

Dear No Brain,

We have much sympathy for your loss. However, we cannot be held responsible for your son's belief that he and the toy could fly, as being a parent requires you to monitor and teach your son. We sincerely hope that you never yourself insinuated that humans can fly.

Dear Lubes And Leaks,

I went to your station to have my oil changed because I'm new in town. The tech had the nerve to tell me that I needed to take better care of getting my oil changed, because the engine was smoking when I rolled the car in and the little oil that was in there was black and sticky.

They then proceeded to make me feel like an idiot by trying to recommend a transmission flush, because my fluid was darker than a super plus tampon on day 5 of my period. I told them I hadn't a clue that there was fluid for that, and how dare they try to upsell when all I want is an oil change!

Because I'm cheap and stubborn, all I wanted was the "Quick and Wet" package, where they just change your oil and check your fluids. I think they should top them off or flush them for free!

Now, a year later, my car doesn't run.

I demand a new car from Lubes and Leaks!

Ridin The Cotton Pony

DGoddessChardonnay 12-26-2009 09:56 PM

Dear Ms Pony-

I'm sorry to hear of the bad experience you had with us. However upon an investigation of the incident you described, we've determined that the cause of the demise of your vehicle is not with any fault on the part of our employees and is, in fact, due to a PEBSAS error.

To be more precise, Problem Exists Between Steering wheel and Seat.

Might we suggest taking public transportation from now on, as we are at liberty to contact every automotive dealer within a 100 mile radius and have you placed on the "Do Not Sell To " list.


G.E.T. Bent
VP - Lubes and Leaks Corporate Office


Dear Garden of Eden Toys-

I was recently in your store in Doucheville on 12-24 and was not able to find the Strawberry Licorice flavored lube cream, nor was I able to find the matching body spray. Your salesperson was most unhelpful, simply shrugging her hairy shoulders and saying "Well, it's Christmas Eve and we've sold out."

Not acceptable. I wanted the Strawberry Licorice cream specifically 'cause it's the one flavor that doesn't leave an aftertaste and it's the only one my partner likes. So now my Christmas is ruined and I've had to go without any from my partner. Not even the John Holmes Footlong vibrating toy could get me out of my mood . . .

I demand as compensation a truckload of the strawberry licorice cream, a $1,000,000 gift card, a spot on the Board of Directors and also your retirment pension. And if I don't get what I want, I'll tell everybody on Facebook and MySpace not to shop at your stores.

Miss B. N. Laid . . .

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