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  • #91
    What do you get when you cross Lassie's puppy with a canteloupe?

    A melon-collie baby!
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

    Comment


    • #92
      What part of Popeye never rusts?

      The part he sticks in Olive Oyl.
      Sometimes life is altered.
      Break from the ropes your hands are tied.
      Uneasy with confrontation.
      Won't turn out right. Can't turn out right

      Comment


      • #93
        Quoth MadMike View Post
        What part of Popeye never rusts?

        The part he sticks in Olive Oyl.
        That's just so wrong.....Again you need warnings
        I Have Nothing But The Thoughts Of Uselessness

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        • #94
          Q: What happened when Napoleon went to mount Olive?
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          A: Popeye got pissed!
          "You are loved" - Plaidman.

          Comment


          • #95
            Moles

            Moles

            Moles (groan)
            A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby
            Mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks
            His head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell
            Maple syrup!"
            The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and
            Says "Yum! I smell honey!"
            The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air,
            But can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says,


            "Crumb, all I can smell is....

            Scroll down.......

            Get ready.....
            Are you sure you're ready?
            You may never forgive me for this one...
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            MOLEASSES!
            __________________
            Shut up and jump.

            Comment


            • #96
              Rolling Stones

              Rolling Stones

              What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotchman?


              The Rolling stones sing "Hey You Get Off of My Cloud" and a Scotchman sings- "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe".
              Shut up and jump.

              Comment


              • #97
                True Groaners

                I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

                Police were called to a day care where a three year old was resisting a rest.

                Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

                The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference.

                To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

                When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

                A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

                Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

                We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

                When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.

                The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground.

                The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

                If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.

                A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

                With each marriage she got a new name and a dress.

                Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

                A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

                A plateau is high form of flattery.

                Acupuncture: a jab well done.

                There was a person who sent 20 different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least 10 of them would make them laugh. No pun in 10 did.
                Shut up and jump.

                Comment


                • #98
                  Apparently it's genuinely Star Wars day.

                  May the Fourth be with you.

                  Rapscallion

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    How was copper wire invented?

                    Two Scotsmen fought over a penny.

                    (Hides from angry kilt wearers)
                    People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
                    My DeviantArt.

                    Comment


                    • Doughboy
                      Sad news... Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment industry.

                      The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

                      Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

                      Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

                      Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

                      The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
                      Shut up and jump.

                      Comment


                      • Quoth DarthRetard View Post
                        1. There's two muffins sitting in an oven. One looks at the other, says "Hey, it's getting warm in here! The other one looks right at him and screams "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
                        My two best friends were sitting in the car while we were waiting for our turn at the drive-through. So S starts telling this joke... but as soon as he says "it's getting warm in here...", T blurts out "But muffins can't talk!" and ruined the punch line I just about died laughing and they kicked me out of the car
                        GK/Kara/Jester fangirl.

                        Comment


                        • Girl Potato and Boy Potato


                          Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally
                          they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called
                          'Yam'.

                          Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they
                          told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and
                          getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad
                          name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater
                          Tots.

                          Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make
                          a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay
                          home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise
                          so as to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

                          When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch
                          out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland . . . And the greasy guys
                          from France called the French Fries .

                          . .And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she
                          wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and
                          narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or
                          the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on
                          all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

                          Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho PU. (that's Potato University) so
                          that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

                          But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just........................

                          Are you ready for this?......................





                          Are you sure?............................





                          OK! Here it is!............................





                          A COMMON TATER !
                          Shut up and jump.

                          Comment


                          • Q. What did the zombie say to the pretty girl in the bar one night?


                            A. Baby, I'd like to fork your brains out.




                            I'm sorry, George Romero...
                            "Love keeps her in the air when she ought fall down, let's you know she's hurting 'fore she keens...makes her a home."

                            Comment


                            • Yo momma is so fat she entered a fat contest and won first, second and third place!

                              *runs away*
                              "If you are planning not to tip, please let your server know before ordering so they can decide whether or not to wait on you" - from an advice column I read some time ago

                              Comment


                              • Yo momma so ugly her psychiatrist makes her lie on the couch face down!
                                I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                                My LiveJournal
                                A page we can all agree with!

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