Groaners

[cinema guy]

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.


What do you call a Frenchman with a car on is head?
Jaques.

[rvdammit]

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff!

[MadMike]

Q: What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

A: He got pissed off.

[Shabo]

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

I want to take Gingko Biloba to improve my memory, but I always forget to take the pills.

[Professional Serf]

Land! Land! cried the King! The Queen gave him a kick in the nuts and he got 2 achers.

[counterjockey]

Ooh! I got another one!

The other day I was in the car, and I saw a salmon truck get pulled over for going the wrong way up a one-way street.

...


...


...laugh now. This is about when most people get it.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

What's the proper medical term for the circumcision of a male rabbit?


A hare cut.

[DigitalEngine]

Okay, haven't posted in a looong time since I don't work in retail anymore, but I just couldn't resist.
------------------------------------------
A man was riding his horse down a deserted country lane. Suddenly, a cat came out of nowhere and darted across the street. The man quickly pulled on the reins just in time to stop the horse from trampling the cat. The cat stared at the man and snapped, "What's the matter with you? Are you blind?"
The man went "A talking cat?!"
"I know, I could hardly believe it myself," said the horse.


Three women boarded the elevator in their apartment building. In the elevator, they noticed a strange stain on the wall.
The first woman took a closer look, and said, "That looks like cum."
The second woman came over and sniffed the stain, and said "It sure smells like cum,"
The third woman joined them and licked the stain, and said "It is cum! But it's not from anyone in this building."


I'm bad, I know

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Didja know that Jeffrey Dahmer was a chain-smoker?

Yes it's true! They found a bunch of butts behind his couch!

[Fera Festiva]

Three women boarded the elevator in their apartment building. In the elevator, they noticed a strange stain on the wall.
The first woman took a closer look, and said, "That looks like cum."
The second woman came over and sniffed the stain, and said "It sure smells like cum,"
The third woman joined them and licked the stain, and said "It is cum! But it's not from anyone in this building."

The version of that joke I know ends with, "It is dog shit! Lucky we didn't step in it."

[wynjara]

think about it...

Implied bad language warning...

There's a penguin with no arms and no legs (or flippers or wings or...) lying on the side of the freeway. How does he get himself across the freeway?
.
.
.

He took the F out of Free and the F out of Way.
.
.
.

Think about it...
.
.
.


Exactly. There *is* no F-in' way.

[Professional Serf]

You can read these... write? ..right? ..rite?

Can you read these right the first time?

01) The bandage was wound around the wound.
02) The farm was used to produce produce.
03) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .
04) We must polish the Polish furniture.
05) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
06) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
07) Since there is no time like the present , he thought it was time to present the present
08) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
09) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
__________________

[Professional Serf]

A man went into the doctor's office and said that he had a weird ailment. The doc asked him what was wrong. The guy told the doc to lean over and listen to his hipbone. The doctor did.

"Please, mister, could you loan me $10?" a voice from the hip said.

The doctor stood up quickly and looked at the man puzzled saying, "I've never heard anything like that in all my years of practice!"

"That's nothing, doc. Listen to my knee."

The doc leans over and puts his ear near the guy's knee.

"Sir, you seem like a kind soul. Could you give me $1?"

The doc's eyes widened and he was baffled.

"Take a listen to my shin, doc."

So the doctor leaned to listen to his shin.

"Sir, could you give me $5? It would help me tremendously."

"So what do you think? What's wrong with me?" asked the man.

To which the doctor replied, "I'm not real sure why there's voices coming from you, but I can tell you this. Your leg is broke in 3 places."

[Rapscallion]

Two germs walk into a bar and order some drinks.

The barman say, "sorry we don't serve germs in here"

So one of them replies, "it's okay we work here. We're Staph".

Rapscallion

[Lace Neil Singer]

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A police spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop-clop-clop? An amish drive-by shooting.