Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Spiffy McMoron]

-Throwing things at mechanics is expressly forbidden, no matter how badly they deserve it
-Ditto for the shipper/receiver, who can neither ship nor receive properly.

[Becks]

I'm not allowed to ask male coworkers "So, when's the baby due?" when they park in the pregnancy preferred spots, especially in front of the manager without a sense of humor.

[DarthRetard]

Apparently, according to corporate, Im not allowed to grab a customers arm when they swing at me full force. Forgive me for defending myself.

[Drakstern]

"I heard about this on 4chan" means "This is an inappropriate topic for work".

Especially if it's /v/.

Even if it's a worksafe board.

Mentioning the /b/ board on 4chan is not allowed. Ever. EVER.

Whistling while you work is against company policy.

Even if you mute the phone first.

Corporate policies are none of the following: Stupid, idiotic, hare brained, craptacular, magically dumbasslicious, pulled from the VP's ass, the product of an acid trip, made of failure, dur hur hur, brain cell killers, fascist, communist, nazi, orange, or propounded from on high by Xenu.

[Becks]

magically dumbasslicious

May I use that phrase? I'll give you mad props for it.

[Drakstern]

Go for it. I encourage people to quote me, it's how I get my powers. :P

[Becks]

Rock on.

[Rapscallion]

Moved to General Work Chat since htis is obviously still live Also stickied.

Rapscallion

[iradney]

Tell customers they are too stupid to own a phone and they should return it.

Also, tell customers that they should practise some common etiquette on the phone, and that they do not start a phone conversation with "Gimme..."

[Arcade Man D]

Not allowed to tell the customers that if they're dumb enough to put tokens in a game that's off, they can't get 'em back. I can, however, tell them that they can't get them back if I watched them take the tape off the coin slot. Or shove the coin through the tape.

Not allowed to tell the customers exactly what I think when they do something stupid, like put a quarter in a token slot, put a coin of any sort in a DBA, or ask me to just give them a 40-60 dollar (~1000-2500 ticket) redemption prize for their 50 tickets. Which is certainly easy enough to get on a dollar's worth of games. (Though I did get away with telling someone that they said the dumbest thing I ever heard when he asked me if I'd give him a quarter for 13 cents.)

However we are allowed to do the following:

Place a torn piece of currency ((if less than 1/2, and thus unusable)) under the leg of the air hockey table, and watch as customers try to get it out. Especially if we have the serial number written down so that they don't try to say our machine ripped their dollar. ((Done by the SM. The guy totally rocks . ))

Say "You're welcome" as a prompt for customers to say "thank you."

Use quarter jams as a way to remind the customers who are there that they should make sure they aren't putting quarters in the games, but tokens.

Mock nameless customers to regulars. ((At least I haven't gotten told not to yet ^_^))

[ISellCars]

I am not allowed to tell customers that we've called the FBI, after looking at their horrid credit report with repos, collections, and returned checks.

Nor am I allowed to tell people the only bank that will finance them is the Chinese Bank. (Won Lump Sum)

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Not allowed to confiscate customers' cell phones if they insist on yapping away about their uncle's hemmroid surgery in intricate detail loud enough to be heard in the next county

Not allowed to call the manager "Junior" even if he is almost young enough to be my son

Not allowed to physically grab a manager off the floor during a Grand Opening to bag groceries b/c I have no bagger and all the managers are doing is walking around, sipping coffee, eating donuts and talking amongst themselves

[draftermatt]

Not allowed to tell people who call yelling about the noise we make that they do live next to an industrial site, and that maybe they should have looked around more before they bought their house.
(I did it once, now I'm not allowed to anymore)

[ArenaBoy]

-VIP does not stand for Very Inept Prick
-Nor does it stand for Very Idiotic Person
-That also goes for Very Insane Patron
-Pirate voices at work are not funny
-Talking to customers in a pirate voice is grounds for being written up
-A dirty old man voice is defintely not funny
-I am from America, not France, England, or Australia so stop it with the accents
-I am not the Galactic Overlord of VIP
-The same goes for VIP chains
-Playing the Spiderbite Song by the Flaming Lips near coworkers who have a fear of spiders is not funny
-Even if some of them find it funny
-When being bribed it is not good to say "Do I look like a politician?"
-Even if said customer is a politician

[ginlyn32]

Pottery Barn Kids

Not allowed to step one foot out of the zone I am covering
Even if it is to assist a customer
Not allowed to speak to another co worker unless it is about a product that the customer I am waiting on is asking about
Not allowed to use the bathroom unless I ask permission from the manager(last time this happend, I about wet myself!!)
Or get a drink of water
No drinks are allowed on the floor

Grocery Store

No having water fights with the sprayer
even if someone else started it
No eating samples
No eating any food
even if they are just going to throw it away
Cranking up of the Jute Box in the Cafe area is frowned upon
No smoking when you take trash out
You must ask permission to take trash out (some ppl were taking it out 4-5 times a night...just to sneak a smoke)
No hitting on sexy male customers
or coworkers for that matter
No talking with friends/relatives
even if they came into the store to your dept to purchase something, if you are seen conversing with them, you will be wrote up
even if other people did have friends/relatives come in..they would be seen talking to them for 15-20 min instead of working
No using the company phone as personal phone
Breaks are 15 min. leaving early to buy something to eat while on break is considered stealing company time and you will be terminated
No smoking in the bathrooms (i never did this but knew plenty of people who did)
Not answering ppl when they ask "if I work there" is frowned upon
Taking naps in the break room is prohibited
Apparently shopping at other stores because they are cheap was also forbidden (not me but a co worker...she was on her own time too!!...long story)