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  • #31
    Here's Crazylegs!

    Time is relative, depends on shift I'm on (you thought i was going to say something deep, nope sorry!)

    1) Stumble out of bed
    2) Put on dressing gown (its not a pleasant sight ladies)
    3) Into bathroom, shave, realise I've missed a huge chunk, shave again
    4) Brush teeth for exactly two minutes (electric toothbrush has timer)
    5) Turn on shower
    5) Step in, get scolded/frozen depending on who was last in
    6) Slide shower head up rail to highest setting
    6) Wash, Rinse Repeat
    7) Turn off shower
    8) Drip dry until steam in bathroom is heading towards extractor fan
    9) Open door to shower, exit then close door bar one inch (it removes the steam better that way)
    10) Dry off, notice big patch of stubble again
    11) Shave (again)
    12) Put dressing gown back on go upstairs and get dressed
    13) Maybe have breakfast, more likely to polish work boots
    14 Leave house an hour after getting up.
    A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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    • #32
      1. roll out of bed
      2. look for towel while still on the floor
      3. stumble towards bathroom stripping off on the way
      4. turn on shower and stumble in
      5. franticly wash as fast as possible
      6. curse the 180 second maximum length shower restriction due to the drought
      7. curse at the towel for still being damp then stand under the heating lights for a while to dry off properly
      8. throw towel back onto bedroom floor while looking for clothes


      is it obvious i'm a bachelor ?
      It is better to be the hammer than the nail.

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      • #33
        I won't go into my complete shower ritual, but I will note that mine involves 'wrestle squirmy child into shower' 'wash squirmy child's hair' and 'let squirmy child escape as soon her hair and self are mostly clean so I can wash myself'
        I also am such a non-morning person that I shower at night before the aforementioned child goes to bed. It's just easier in the long run.
        Arsenic is 'natural'. Hemlock is 'organic'.

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        • #34
          As a girl, I like to think I'm not THAT bad when it comes to having shower items/showering.

          1. Shampoo (Saturday and Wednesday = Head & Shoulders; every other day = Suave)
          2. Rinse for far too long for fear of leaving shampoo in hair
          3. Decide on body wash and use ("White Cherry Blossom" from Bath and Body Works or plain 'ol "Cashmere Luxury" by Caress - the only reason I have 2 body washes in the shower at the same time is because "White Cherry Blossom" cost me $1!)
          4. Wash face with foaming acne wash stuff

          Total shower time = about 5 minutes. If shaving, add 5.

          Everybody tells me I take fast showers . . . oh well, they work. Guess I'm not a typical girl.
          ~*~"If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching." -Romans 12:7~*~

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          • #35
            I shower after gym and walking the muttock at night.
            So generally, here is the iradney shower time:

            1. groan my way upstairs into bedroom
            2. get clean undies and jammies
            3. get into bathroom, close door, whip off sweaty gym togs and get into the shower.
            4. turn the shower on, adjust temperature.
            5. apply anti-dandruff shampoo, leave in while washing everything else.
            6. Rinse
            7. apply conditioner, shave legs etc etc
            8. Rinse
            9. Make a frantic leap for the floormat since TTO always moves it to in front of the sink
            10. Land safely and dry off, put hair in turban.
            11. Moisturise face, floss and brush teeth.
            12. Rub cream in everywhere else
            13. Consider painting toenails
            14. Put leave in detangling anti-split world peace conditioner in hair
            15. Leave hair to dry (I hate blowdryers)
            16. Shuffle into slippers and go downstairs to have tea
            The report button - not just for decoration

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            • #36
              What the hell.

              Wake up, stumble through bedroom shutting off every alarm.

              Undress, grab towel. Blindly stumble into bathroom.

              Turn on water.

              Wash hair twice.

              Use soap on body.

              Get out, shave if needed (Which in my case is every three days)

              Brush hair, then shake head like a dog.

              Get dressed and out I go.
              The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

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              • #37
                Turn off alarm after 4th snooze.
                Get out of bed and put robe on over PJs.
                Grab hair towel and open door.
                Slip out carefully so cat doesn't get in bedroom.
                Open bathroom door.
                Slip in carefully so cat doesn't get in bathroom.
                Hang hair towel over shower curtain, turn on fan, turn on water, and pee while it gets hot. Flip through magazine if water is taking unusually long time to heat.
                Remove clothes, toss on floor, and get in shower.
                Shiver, wet hair, shampoo (Pantene, or John Frieda depending on what I want to smell like that day).
                Wash face.
                Rinse out shampoo, apply conditioner.
                Wash with body wash/puff or Dove bar (the soap, not the chocolate), depending on mood and fragrance preferences.
                Rinse out conditioner, wrap hair in towel.
                Shave and rinse.
                Turn off water and get out.
                Dry off, put on robe.
                Apply face lotion.
                Apply body lotion to legs.
                Open door, slip out carefully so cat doesn't get in bathroom.
                Enter bedroom (cat is now allowed in), get dressed, snuggle with cat.
                Go to kitchen and fix hot chocolate, return to bedroom. Snuggle with cat.
                Comb hair, and depending on mood, blow dry or twist up in a clip.
                Rinse hot chocolate cup, and pack lunch in work bag.
                Pet cats, tell them to be good boy/girl, leave.
                I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                Comment


                • #38
                  Oh come on, who showers anymore?

                  Down here in florida, i just take some soap outside when it's raining, and I'm good for a week!









                  This is a joke people. I only do that during hurricane season.

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                  • #39
                    Oh come on, who showers anymore?

                    Down here in florida, i just take some soap outside when it's raining, and I'm good for a week!
                    And if you do it on the beach, you can get some nice exfoliation going on there
                    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                    • #40
                      Unless you've ever had a mountain of sand in your crack, you have no idea how weird that feels.

                      Sand is good for your pores, and itching.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Quoth Broomjockey View Post
                        Pfft. Soap? Talk about adding an unnecessary extra step! You just use the extra shampoo foam after you've lathered your hair!
                        +1 That's what I do.
                        "Magic sometimes sounds like tape." - The Amazing Johnathan

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                        • #42
                          JAM's Boring Ass Shower Routine (The Solo Version)


                          Let water heat up while I brush my teeth.

                          Jump in, adjust the temperature some more. (I'm picky)

                          Wash hair

                          Wash body

                          Rinse hair

                          Condition

                          Shave legs/armpits/fun zone as needed

                          Rinse

                          Hang up wet towels

                          Comb hair

                          Moisturize

                          Dump dirty laundry into hamper

                          Bed

                          See, told you it was boring.
                          "This is the first time I've seen you look ugly, and that makes me happy!"

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                          • #43
                            Roll into self-service bay. Check that all windows are up and tight. Shut off engine and lights, as applicable.

                            Insert quarters. Usually $0.50-.75 more than required to allow extra time for rinsing. Unhook hose and nozzle from receptacle on side of bay.

                            Set dial to "Soap." Spray roof, glass, hood and decklid, side panels, front, back, into wheelwells. Occasionally spray (low pressure) under engine compartment such as to clean oil and transmission pans. (Esp. in road salt season.)

                            Put hose and nozzle back in receptacle and grab foaming brush. Set dial to "Brush." Apply soap in circular pattern along bumpers & trim, lower halves of doors, rocker panels, wheels, and any spots of bird shit missed by first soak.

                            Insert more quarters. Set brush next to holder, remove hose, and set to "Rinse." Spray off brush because no one else seems to clean the grimy damn thing. Put brush back, make sure hose is spraying just water and not soap. Rinse soapy water off of roof, glass, hood, decklid, and sides. Spray inside of wheelwells, tires, and grille, head and tail lights, front and rear bumpers. Spend a little extra time with high pressure setting getting bugs off of license plate.

                            Replace hose, open garage door if applicable, drive car out of bay. Remove wrappers and other fast-food detritus into trash cans by vacuum stand, vacuum if necessary, and if any quarters remain.

                            Find stretch of highway, accelerate to cruising speed. Make sure no county mounties, local yokels, smokies, or other law enforcement is close by.

                            Tromp the gas, hit 100 mph a time or two, and hope that by this point most of the car has been air-dried. Hope that you haven't been seen and reported to sheriff's dept. or Iowa State Patrol.

                            Oh, what, like I'd tell you what I do in the shower.
                            "Love keeps her in the air when she ought fall down, let's you know she's hurting 'fore she keens...makes her a home."

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                            • #44
                              Quoth counterjockey View Post
                              Spray off brush because no one else seems to clean the grimy damn thing.
                              I love it when people clean the car wash when they're done. And I hate it when they manage to get grease all over the hoses, because the next person to use it gets grease all over their car before they notice and they throw a hissey fit.

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                              • #45
                                Bandwagon Person Extraordinaire reporting for duty....

                                Saydrah's shower routine:

                                Avoid showering for as many days as possible because hair lady says color will last longer if washed less and hair is healthier the less it is washed, and the longer color lasts the longer one can avoid paying $100 to have it redone.

                                Finally reconcile self to fact that hair is coated in enough grease to cook a batch of french fries and decide to shower.

                                Go stare at self in mirror for several minutes. Space out completely. This has always been a trait of mine- mirrors hypnotize me, not because I'm just that gorgeous, but... they just do. If I look at a mirror long enough, I'm off in imaginationland until a lous noise startles me.

                                Wake out of trance and wander into living room/roommate's de facto bedroom.

                                Ask whichever man is sitting on the couch playing video games if he wants to shower with me.

                                Invitation inevitably declined because A) this is the boss fight B) he just got to level 2,000 in survival mode C) he showered earlier D) he knows I turn the water on too hot for him

                                Grump about lazy men who'd rather play video games than see their lady in the nude.

                                Conveniently forget that I sleep naked and regularly forget to dress for breakfast, so it's all old news.

                                Lock self in bathroom and toss clothes in a pile on the floor.

                                Grump about lazy men who have not cleaned the toilet yet when I told them to do so two days ago.

                                Notice bathroom trash has been overturned by kittens AGAIN.

                                Write ANOTHER note on the door of the bathroom to the effect that the next person who leaves the bathroom door open long enough for kittens/rats/dog to get in the trash will be drawn and quartered.

                                Note ignored like the last 10,000 similar notes.

                                Grab booty, crane neck over shoulder and observe whiteness of booty, make mental note to put tanning lotion on legs and booty one of these days.

                                Squeeze boobs and ponder whether or not the left one is just a smidge larger.

                                Tiptoe into shower and do the COLD TUB COLD TUB dance.

                                Turn water on hot enough to make me look like a freshly cooked lobster.

                                Zone out under hot water for at least 10 minutes of pure bliss.

                                Wash hair with dime-sized amount of very expensive shampoo that hairstylist talked me into.

                                Rinse thoroughly, dismayed at the amount of hair shed in the process.

                                Stick head out of shower, towel dry hair because hairstylist says this is the way one should do things because conditioner works better on dryish hair.

                                Slather cheap conditioner in hair.

                                Shave armpits, rub legs and shave if necessary.

                                Contemplate shaving bikini area- decide against it on grounds of itchiness.

                                Wash with bath pouf and froofy exfoliating body wash with sea salt.

                                Still don't feel clean, wash with a regular bar of soap.

                                That's better.

                                Rinse body and hair, again dismayed at the rate of shedding hair.

                                Dry off with hopefully somewhat clean towel.

                                Put on socks because in a house with over 20 pets it is not always safe or smart to be barefoot.

                                Prance about in the nude save for socks and yell at whichever male is STILL on the couch to help me find my pajamas.

                                Find pajamas in the dresser where they belong- whyever would I look there?

                                Wear pajamas until retiring to bed, at which point pajamas are removed and set out for the next time I need clothes to cover the time in between removing day clothes and removing all clothes for bed.

                                Nudge whichever kitten INSISTS on licking my wet hair off my face.

                                ZZZZ.
                                My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

                                Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

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