A myriad of musical jokes.

[PossJB]

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner

[Kheldarson]

Also, neither Cb or B# actually exist. (Look at a piano keyboard.)

Actually, they do. Cb is B, B# is C. Had a music major friend try to explain that one to me....I never really got why you would do that. But they do technically exist.

[Chromatix]

I do know that you can *write* those notes down - and also double-sharps and double-flats on most notes. I have some interesting music qualifications of my own, though not at university level.

They're useful when you are working in keys that already have a lot of sharps or flats in their signature, but need to switch to the minor mode, and you don't want to have the performer confused between B# (C natural) and C# which might be struck at the same time... and this happens surprisingly often in high-level pieces. The same goes for double-sharps and double-flats.

But if you ask for a single note, independent of any key signature, there's no point in asking for B#, just ask for C instead. On the other hand, whether you ask for G# or Ab is up to you.

[smileyeagle1021]

OK, as a band geek I need to add some

Q- why is the french horn considered a divine instrument?
A- because man blows into it but only God knows what will come out.

Q- what is the difference between a band and a bull?
A- the bull has the horns in front and the asshole in back.

Q- what do you do when someone can't play any instruments?
A- give them two sticks and have them play drums.
Q- and what if they can't even play drums?
A- take one of the sticks away and make them conduct.

Q- what is the difference between a trumpet player and a government bond?
A- eventually the bond will mature and make money.

Q- what is the difference between a saxaphone and a chain saw?
A- Vibrato... though this can be minimalized by holding the chain saw very still.

Q- what is a bassoon good for?
A- firewood
Q- and what is an oboe good for
A- kindling

So, two tuba players walk past a bar... well... it could happen...

Little Johny once told his mother he wanted to be a trumpet player when he grew up... his mother said, "but Johny, you can't do both"

and my personal favorite (a bit long)
The Seattle Symphany was performing Beethoven's 9th Symphany. Just before the final part of the symphany there is a very long rest for the bass players.... being bass players they decided dearing this long rest they would go across the street to the bar and have a few drinks. Of course they lose track of time and before they know it they're drunk and it's time to rush back across the street. They barely make it in time and are terrified that they won't be able to get ready in time. One of the drummers turns to them and said "don't worry, I knew you guys were going to do this, so before the performance I tied the pages of the conductors score together so he'd have to slow down and give you some more time"... at about that moment the conductor looked up and oh did he look pissed.. but it's understandable, after all, it was the bottom of the 9th, the basses were loaded, and the score was tied

[edible_hat]

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner

The creators of Beaconsfield: The Musical changed the name from "A Musican in A Flat Minor" because it was in "bad taste". Like a musical about a mine collapse in which 1 minor died and 2 were trapped underground for a week could be in good taste...

http://www.defamer.com.au/2008/10/be...d_russell.html

[fireheart]

OK, as a band geek I need to add some

Heehee, yay a fellow band geek! *offers a hug*

[wolfie]

I don't get it.
Did you mean B# and Cb, and the joke is that they are enharmonics of the same note?

The key is that it's a steamroller, and the horn is to warn people around it. It's a pun on "see sharp" (i.e. don't get in the way) or "be flat" (get run over).

Another one: A piano falls down one of the shafts in Sudbury. What key does the crash when it hits bottom result in?

Answer: A Flat minor.

[Gawdzillers]

So, two tuba players walk past a bar... well... it could happen...

Oh, that's rich.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Q: What does Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
A: They both suck without Cream.


One day a drummer sick of all of the "stupid drummer" jokes decided to change instruments. So he went to the local music store and said that he wanted to learn a new instrument. The store owner cheerfully replied ok and asked what he would be interested in playing. After looking around the shop he said I'll try those things over there, pointing to the accordion section.
After looking through the accordions from over an hour the shop keeper said, "Have you found what you looking for?"

The drummer replied, "Yes, I'll take that big red one over there."

The store keeper smiled and and stared laughing. When the drummer asked why he was laughing the store keeper replied, "Are you a drummer, son?"

"Yeah!" replied the drummer.

"Well that big red thing is a radiator"


Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listened to the distant pounding war drums.
One cowboy muttered to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums."
Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, "It's not our usual drummer!"


A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"


Two girls are walking along when they hear...
"Psst! Down here!"

They both look down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The frog says to them, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you both rich and famous!" The two girls looked at each other, and one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.

The other girl said, "What did you do that for?"

The first replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!!!"

[wolfie]

When a band is setting up, how can they be sure the stage is level?

The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

[Slytovhand]

Why do sound engineers test with "1,2...1,2"?

To remind the drummer how many sticks he should be holding.

[Slytovhand]

What are you doing in that piano?

I'm hidin'.

Don't be stupid - Hadyn's been dead for years.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Q: How do you know if Peter Criss is at your door?

A: The knocking is out of time.


Q: What's the last thing a drummer says before he's fired?

A: "Hey guys, I've just written a song!"


Q: Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?

A: Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!


(This joke refers to the, shall we say, vertically challenged drummer of Metallica. No, it's not a real life event. XD)

I once had a traffic accident; I crashed my car into Lars Ulrich's car. He got out and the first thing he said was "I am not happy." Sadly, the first thing I said was, "So which one are you, then?"


Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?

A: A tattoo.


A man goes to a pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "Very bad when drumming stops."

Later that day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been spooked. "Very bad when drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.

After a couple of days with little sleep, the man had had enough. He grabbed the first native he saw, slammed him up against a tree, and shouted, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"

The native trembled in terror and replied, "Bass solo."

[derangedperson]

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to screw it in and the other four to discuss how much better Neil Peart could do it.

[Nurian]

Q) How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A) 4. One to screw it in and 3 to complain about how high it is.

Q) How many sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A) One. She holds it in place and the world revolves around her.