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  • Oh Limp Dicks...(NSFW)

    Today was the day of the penis, I swear. The Universe must be telling me to have more sex or something...

    Small Dicks

    "Thank you for calling Aid of Rite, this is ralerin, how can I help?"

    *14 year old boys pretending to be older, can hear one giggling like a girl in the background* "Um, I wanna know if you have any large condoms."

    *going to ignore the joke* "Oh yes, we do! What size would you like?"

    *little gears in their brain turning* "Um, how large is large?"

    "Oh we have large and magnum size! Large is $x.xx and Magnum is $y.yy."

    "Ok." *click*

    Medium Dicks

    For those of you not in the U.S, this is the back of a U.S one dollar bill. Every so often I'll get an idiot who writes a B and R over the seals, effectively turning it into a "Boner" bill, like this. Yeah, I got one of those today.

    Large Dicks

    "Um, excuse me? Someone drew graffiti on the side of the building, on the windows."

    "Ok...what kind of graffiti?"

    "...Erotic graffiti."

    "...I'll take a look when I have a moment."

    Sure enough when I went to look, someone had drawn a penis spurting cum all over the outside window using a mysterious white paint. Luckily I rubbed it and it came off (yes puns intended). Still. I got several comments when I was working on cleaning it off.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.-Winston Churchill

  • #2
    When you get the boner bill, if you think they are the one who did it, look at them sympathetically and say 'Let me guess. You have an 11 or 12 year old boy. Don't worry, most of them outgrow this kind of idiocy by the time they hit 14." (esp fun if they don't look old enough to have an 11 year old.)

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    • #3
      Quoth ralerin View Post
      Today was the day of the penis, I swear.
      I thought the day of the penis was February 14.
      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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      • #4
        Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
        I thought the day of the penis was February 14.
        I thought it was March 14.
        Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
        Save the Ales!
        Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

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        • #5
          Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
          I thought the day of the penis was February 14.
          Quoth csquared View Post
          I thought it was March 14.
          The info I googled shows March 15. It's celebrated in Japan.

          Just when you think you've heard it all . . . somebody cums along and proves you wrong.
          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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          • #6
            Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
            Just when you think you've heard it all . . . somebody cums along and proves you wrong.
            I thought OP said day of the penis not day of the puns.

            SC
            "...four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed with one..." W. Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing Act I, Sc I

            Do you like Shakespeare? Join us The Globe Theater!

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            • #7
              Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
              The info I googled shows March 15. It's celebrated in Japan.

              Just when you think you've heard it all . . . somebody cums along and proves you wrong.
              So... that warning about the Ides of March is that you have to look out for giant wooden phalli?

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              • #8
                For those wondering about the Japanese festival: here you go http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C5%8Dnen_Matsuri (NSFW)
                The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                Now queen of USSR-Land...

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                • #9
                  If a note has been defaced by writing B and R on it, is it still legal tender? I know for sure that in Mexico, it isn't.

                  Had so many problems with crumpled bills, very small tears or marks.
                  There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                    I thought the day of the penis was February 14.
                    Funny. I thought it was April 15th. Since, in the U.S., that is the day we usually get boned.

                    Quoth Nemesis44UK View Post
                    If a note has been defaced by writing B and R on it, is it still legal tender?
                    You're not supposed to deface bills, but even when they are defaced or marked in some way, they are still legal tender in the U.S.

                    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                    Still A Customer."

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                    • #11
                      In a topic about dicks, is it wrong that I hope someone's post violates the "failing to see the suck" rule?
                      To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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                      • #12
                        Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                        The info I googled shows March 15. It's celebrated in Japan.

                        Just when you think you've heard it all . . . somebody cums along and proves you wrong.
                        Hmm, March 15... even better for me! (My bday is the 16th, I'm also part irish, the 17th sweetens the pot!
                        If anyone breaks the three pint rule, they'll be running all night to the pisser and back.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Teskeria View Post
                          When you get the boner bill, if you think they are the one who did it, look at them sympathetically and say 'Let me guess. You have an 11 or 12 year old boy. Don't worry, most of them outgrow this kind of idiocy by the time they hit 14." (esp fun if they don't look old enough to have an 11 year old.)
                          IIRC you can also refuse to take it.

                          First of all it's defaced currency. Second it could be viewed as sexual harassment if it was obvious that the customer was using it on purpose.


                          Quoth csquared View Post
                          I thought it was March 14.
                          Well you know... in Japan it IS called "White Day".

                          although it's actually a day for women. On V-day women give chocolates to the men in their lives (including coworkers). On W-day men return the favor with gifts.
                          Last edited by PepperElf; 05-04-2012, 02:07 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth Jester View Post
                            Funny. I thought it was April 15th. Since, in the U.S., that is the day we usually get boned.
                            Oh, goodness no! We get boned here every day. April 15th is just the day we have to pay the tab for the privilege of getting boned.
                            The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
                            "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
                            Hoc spatio locantur.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Geek King View Post
                              Quoth Jester View Post
                              Funny. I thought it was April 15th. Since, in the U.S., that is the day we usually get boned.
                              Oh, goodness no! We get boned here every day. April 15th is just the day we have to pay the tab for the privilege of getting boned.
                              This year it was April 17th...the 15th was a Sunday and the 16th was a holiday in DC
                              I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

                              Who is John Galt?
                              -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

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