Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[KiaKat]

I am not allowed to throw ice at The Boss.

I am, however, allowed to threaten to throw ice at The Boss.

It's a very effective technique.

[Rapscallion]

I am probably not allowed to describe a constantly malfunctioning piece of equipment as 'a bag of wank'.

Rapscallion

[Bella_Vixen]

Probably not allowed to take a picture of a sheriff's horrible parking job and post it on your parking sucks dot com.

(I asked the sheriff in question if I could--he said no because even if I took out the license plate number, his coworkers would know it was him. He did think it was funny, though.)

[fireheart]

Probably not allowed to take a picture of a sheriff's horrible parking job and post it on your parking sucks dot com.

(I asked the sheriff in question if I could--he said no because even if I took out the license plate number, his coworkers would know it was him. He did think it was funny, though.)

Does such a website exist?!

[AriRashkae]

Does such a website exist?!

Google shows me .net and .us, but not .com. That's not counting all the Flickr groups and blogs, etc.

[Bella_Vixen]

Does such a website exist?!

Like AriRashkae said, there kinda is. I think someone posted some links to one site or another a few years ago.


ETA: youparklikeanasshole dot com FTW

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I'm not allowed to stand guard at the entrance and give out IQ tests to customers so that they can shop.

Nor am I allowed to slap signs on the foreheads of those who flunk the test that say "STUPID".

Nor can I get on the PA every half hour and sing the "Here's Your Sign" song as a PSA.

[fireheart]

I'm not allowed to stand guard at the entrance and give out IQ tests to customers so that they can shop.

Nor am I allowed to slap signs on the foreheads of those who flunk the test that say "STUPID".

Nor can I get on the PA every half hour and sing the "Here's Your Sign" song as a PSA.

Thank you, you've made my day.

ETA:

-I am not allowed to suggest that we are to be equipped with Kevlar vests ahead of May 4 (plastic bag ban comes into effect)
-Nor cattle prods.
-Nor tasers.
-Nor a full medieval knight's suit of armour.
-Nor a plexiglas booth.
-Yelling "the apocalypse is nigh!" the day before or after a public holiday is inappropriate. (we get FLAT OUT)

[Kagato]

Not allowed to write up false problems on Workshop Repair Sheet (“Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs”, “flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged”, "Voltage gauge only reads 24V instead of 1.21 gigawatts")

[edible_hat]

I'm not allowed to, and I quote, "put 2 million dollars in there".

[coldcupofjoe]

I am not allowed to make noisemakers rigged with timers out of car horns and put them in my service managers office.
I am not allowed to offer to shave off all the hair on my body for 20 bucks.
I am not allowed to know more about computers than the computer guy my service manager hired to fix our computers.
I am allowed to fix the problems he creates while 'fixing' our computers.
I am not allowed to jump on top of cars and sing 'Like a Virgin' by maddona.
Even if I can hit the high notes.
I am not allowed to try to coerce the make ready guys into bouts to the death with the pressure washers.
I am not allowed to inform customers of the interesting things one can do with carb cleaner.
I am not allowed to play this song over the intercom.
I am not allowed to call the FOM and play that song to him.
I am not allowed to show my coworkers the weird shit I find on the internet.
I am not allowed to car joust.
I am not allowed to talk my coworkers into car jousting.
I am not allowed to bring paint grenades to work.
I am not allowed to bring paintball guns to work.
I am not allowed to bring airsoft guns to work.
I am allowed to bring my shotgun to work however.
I am not allowed to make dry ice bombs and launch them at the Ford shop.
Or the Chrysler shop across the street.
I am not allowed to have pizza delivered to the owners office.
I am not allowed to rifle through my coworkers toolbox looking for my '1up mushroom.'
I am not allowed to offer to remove the catalytic converters from customers vehicles. It's illegal.
Even if the cat is what was causing their problems. It's still illegal.
I am not allowed to climb on top of the building. Ever.
Even if I was retrieving a frisbee.
I am not allowed to make plans for overthrowing the government at work.
Even if I was making them with a cop and a soldier in the Army.
No matter how hard I try I will never be able to convince my Service Manager that I'm psychic.
Even the fishing wire and pulley system I worked up to make my tools 'float' did nearly convince him.
I'm not allowed to stuff a pair pants with cotton, sew a pair of shoes to the bottom and hang it out of the trunk of a car when I go on a test drive.
If I'm on a test drive and the car breaks down, I'm not allowed to flag down a passing motorist and ask for a ride. If I do I'm not allowed to hang aforementioned pants out of the trunk of his car.
I am not allowed to hop on my service managers motorcycle and take it for a spin.
The shop truck is not for 'mudding.'
The shop truck is not for racing.
The shop is not for rockclimbing.
The shop truck is not a 'pimpmobile.'
The shop truck not a deathtrap when giving a customer a ride home.
I am not allowed to use the shop truck to remove stumps.
I am not allowed to use the shop truck as a battering ram.
I am not allowed to tow customers cars to the middle of nowhere using the shop truck.
Not even if I'm good friends with the guy and I owe him one.
I am not allowed to use the shop truck. Ever. For any reason what-so-ever. Period. The End.
I am not allowed to wear a bra stuffed with paper towels to work.
I am not allowed to wear a thong to work.
I am not allowed to curse in Japanese in front of anybody who might ever possibly understand what I'm saying.
I am not allowed to quote Firefly. Especially the Chinese. Someone might understand me.
I am not allowed to spray leak tracing powder on the FOM's personal vehicle.
I am not allowed to pour ethylene glycol in the used oil tank. The Ford shops heaters burn that oil and it messes them up.
I am definitely not allowed to pour gasoline in the used oil tank.

[Arm]

Not allowed to squish baby bunnies.

(In my defense, I had merely pointed out that they tended to run around next to the road. I hadn't even MENTIONED the semi-regular roadkill when I got that injunction...)

[crazylegs]

I am not allowed to suggest new acronyms for the Tactical Weaponary Team.

[edible_hat]

I am not allowed to suggest new acronyms for the Tactical Weaponary Team.

you mean you can't call them the Tactical Weaponry Advance Team?

[Andara Bledin]

When I find that some douchebag has taken a bag of chips or candy and paid something rather less than the 50 cents they cost (the worst other than outright theft was 18 cents), I am not allowed to get on the PA system and remind people that the snacks cost 50 cents each.

I am also not allowed to get on the PA and remind my fellow employees that when using the restrooms, they are to not leave any of the toilet paper rolls empty.

.... freaking lazy, thieving bums...

^-.-^