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  • Animals in the Bible.

    Greetings to all. I've been reading for a long time but this is my first attempt at a major post. I hope it will meet the standards set by Grave Keeper, Rapscallion, Jester, Slice and Dice, Irving Patrick and many others in this wonderful place.

    [Cue Twilight-Zone Music and the voice of Rod Serling]

    Presented for your consideration, 'Animals in the Bible'. It's an innocent, even an endearing title for a post, isn't it? Read on, dear friends and you will learn how 'Animals in the Bible' became the code word for an SC in our Library.

    [Organ Sting]

    I'm a Librarian in a museum library. We have wonderful collections in many fields of art history. One of our finest collections concerns the history, art and culture of the ancient Holy Land. Therefore, we were quite happy when, many years ago, we received a phone call from a teacher of Bible Studies.

    This worthy gentleman wanted to provide a holiday treat for his students in the form of a slide show about 'Animals in the Bible'. In the days before digital imaging he'd certainly come to the right place. We had plenty of images he could shoot. We had plenty of texts he could use to write his narration. We even had a professional copy stand to make sure his slides were properly framed, in focus and lighted. This project might also be fun to help. When did he want to visit the Library and do his work?

    [Cue eerie SC logic music]

    He had no intention of coming to the Library. Our institution receives government money. He pays taxes. Ergo, it is our obligation (OBLIGATION. I TELL YOU!) to provide him with a professional slide show with several levels of narration. We were to provide a full Kodak carousel of slides that he could keep. The carousel was also something we'd give him so he didn't have to worry about loading and unloading slides.

    We'd also provide appropriate narration for different levels of students. He needed four levels:

    1) Young children.

    2) Middle School age students.

    3) High School students.

    4) A College/Adult audience.

    Of course, all this would be provided at no cost to him.

    I didn't take the call but, I can assure you that language was used that would not have been acceptable in a class devoted to Bible Study.
    Research is the art of reading what everyone has read and seeing what no one else has seen.

  • #2
    Jolly good post, I dare say. And yeesh, whatta twit.
    A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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    • #3
      Props on a fantastic first post. Dramatic, entertaining, and chock full of SC nonsense. Glad to have you.
      "In the end I was the mean girl/or somebody's in between girl"~Neko Case

      “You don't need many words if you already know what you're talking about.” ~William Stafford

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth LibraryLady View Post
        I didn't take the call but, I can assure you that language was used that would not have been acceptable in a class devoted to Bible Study.
        Bwah hahahaha!

        Awesome. I wonder if he phones road construction crews to take him to work every day?
        I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

        Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

        Comment


        • #5
          Well done, good sir. Jolly good x2. Keep up the good work at the library. bI'm very surprised the SCs can enter without having their skulls explode from being in the prensence of so much knowledge. That's probably why the "gentleman" couldn't come in.
          "Oh, by the way..." All of my HATE

          Ou kata nomon = Not according to the accepted norm

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          • #6
            Quoth LibraryLady View Post
            Ergo, it is our obligation (OBLIGATION. I TELL YOU!) to provide him with a professional slide show with several levels of narration.
            What?!? you don't do projects for the public? Who's gonna do my Spanish project then?

            Seriously, why the heck did he think a library would do that for him? Some people......
            "...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?!" ~ Kalga

            "DO NOT ENRAGE THE MIGHTY SKY DRAGON." ~ Gravekeeper

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            • #7
              Now that takes a big clanking pair right there.

              Welcome BTW. Keep 'em coming like that and we'll be talking about you the way you talk about us.
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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              • #8
                Wow. What an entitlement whore.
                Unseen but seeing
                oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                3rd shift needs love, too
                RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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                • #9
                  first- How the HELL did i earn a mention? I am barely articulate, cant spell, post a fraction of my good storys cause i cant mentilese the story well, and most of the storys i post reflect rather poorly on me. Im just weird!!!
                  Second- wow... how do they... live?

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                  • #10
                    The first slide is a picture of the guy who demanded you do the project. The four narrations are:

                    1) This is a douchebag, it goes "I want I want I want".

                    2) Hey kids, let's all point and laugh at the lazy moron!

                    3) Here's why you shouldn't try to get other students to do your work for you: They make stuff like this slideshow, which is supposed to be about animals in the Bible but is really about this guy and why he sucks.

                    4) Seriously, this idiot wanted someone else to do his work for him for free.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth edible_hat View Post
                      1) This is a douchebag, it goes "I want I want I want".


                      i'm totally thinking that next time i get that type of asshat

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                      • #12
                        Quoth edible_hat View Post
                        The first slide is a picture of the guy who demanded you do the project. The four narrations are:

                        1) This is a douchebag, it goes "I want I want I want".
                        Does this mean that, thanks to Noah, there were TWO douchebags?
                        "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Sheldonrs View Post
                          Does this mean that, thanks to Noah, there were TWO douchebags?
                          No, five because they were unclean!
                          A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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                          • #14
                            Slice, you just happen to be prolific, and don't hold back!
                            Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.

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                            • #15
                              hell, replace it with a 'douchbags through the ages' slide show instead; fun will be had by all (well, except one) and a point will be made.

                              a total win-win situation.
                              look! it's ghengis khan!
                              Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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