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Your All-Time Favorite Quotes!

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  • #16
    Percy Byshe Shelley's "Ode to the West Wind":

    "I fall upon the thorns of life, I bleed!"

    Kinky Friedman, When the Cat's Away:

    "Winnie Katz's lesbian dance class is like God. Mankind knows it's there, but they've rarely seen it. Moses saw God. In the form of a burning bush interestingly enough. Then he took two tablets and went to bed."

    From the movie, Start the Revolution Without Me:

    Gene Wilder: "Meet me and the church, and don't forget to bring the rawhide and honey."

    Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, A Scandal in Bohemia:

    "To Sherlock Holmes, she would always be The Woman."

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    • #17
      "The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." - George Carlin

      "Sex is like a sport. Racquetball, in fact. You play hard for 30 minutes, work up a sweat and hope you don't get hit in the eye." - Dr. Cox on Scrubs

      "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

      "You can't look dignified when you're having fun." Wes Janson in the book Solo Command
      "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

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      • #18
        Rorschach's Journal. October 12th, 1985:

        Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face.

        The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.

        The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us!"...

        ...and I'll look down and whisper "no."
        Rorschach's Journal. October 16th, 1985:

        ...Heard joke once:

        Man goes to Doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel.

        Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.

        Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."

        Man bursts into tears. Says "But, Doctor...

        ...I am Pagliacci."

        Good joke. Everybody laugh.

        Roll on snare drum.

        Curtains.
        From Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.
        "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
        --StanFlouride

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        • #19
          From Stargate: SG1, Episode 2, Season 1:

          Teal'C: "What is an Oprah?"

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          • #20
            Again from Watchmen...

            Rorschach (to prison inmates): "None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you... you're locked in here with ME!"

            "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
            --StanFlouride

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            • #21
              Oh fun thread!

              "We were on the roof of America, and all we could do was yell." - Kerouac

              "And you, to whom adversity has dealt the final blow
              With smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go
              Turn to, and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain
              And like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again.
              Rise again, rise again - though your heart it be broken
              Or life about to end.
              No matter what you've lost, be it a home, a love, a friend,
              Like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again." -Stan Rogers 'The Mary Ellen Carter'

              "You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
              But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
              And filter and fibre your blood.

              Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
              Missing me one place search another,
              I stop somewhere waiting for you." Walt Whitman

              "42" D.N.A

              I have more.....I'll have to remember them
              "Getting to the top is optional. Getting down is mandatory." _Ed Viesturs
              "Love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle" Steve Jobs

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              • #22
                The big advantage of a book is it’s very easy to rewind. Close it and you’re right back at the beginning. –Jerry Seinfeld

                You can’t have everything; where would you put it? –Steven Wright

                I couldn’t wait for success, so I went ahead without it. –Jonathan Winters

                I'm liberal on some issues and conservative on others. For example, I would not burn a flag, but neither would I put one out. -Garry Shandling

                I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go. –Rita Rudner

                Do unto others, then run. –Benny Hill

                Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. –Steven Wright

                Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. –Douglas Adams


                Personally, I’m waiting for caller IQ. –Sandra Bernhard

                I haven’t slept for ten days because that would be too long. –Mitch Hedburg

                Congress wants to require television manufacturers to install a V-chip, which would keep children from viewing violent or explicit programming. The chip would cost about five-hundred dollars and would replace the current free-of-charge device known as the on-off switch. –Dennis Miller

                Famed anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the age of eighty-three. Leakey was buried near her home, where she will rest in peace until some nosy anthropologist digs her up. –Norm McDonald

                Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. –Matt Groening

                The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals, and 362 to heterosexuals. This doesn’t mean God doesn’t love heterosexuals; it’s just that they need more supervision. –Lynn Lavner

                The thing about life that no one can believe is that what we’re doing is actually it. When you’re a kid, you look forward to it. You’re seriously concerned when you’re a kid that you might not be able to take the excitement of being an adult, of driving around and people calling on the phone and getting mail addressed directly to you. Now, it’s like: “You drive; tell ‘em I’m not here; and I can’t believe all this junk mail!” –Jerry Seinfeld

                Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard. –Johnny Carson

                Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made president should on no account be allowed to do the job. -Douglas Adams
                I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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                • #23
                  And now, the wisdom of the Late, Great Douglas Adams...

                  These are from the beginning of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe...
                  There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

                  There is another which states that this has already happened.
                  The story so far:

                  In the beginning the Universe was created.

                  This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
                  "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
                  --StanFlouride

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                  • #24
                    "YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! " - Jake Blues

                    "Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now. " - Elwood Blues

                    Elwood - "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. "
                    Jake - "Hit it!"

                    "I've never been able to get the hang of Thursdays" - Douglas Adams

                    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - A. Einstein

                    B
                    Last edited by Bandit; 06-23-2009, 01:55 AM.
                    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein.
                    I never knew how happy paint could make people until I started selling it.

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                    • #25
                      Here's another of my many personal favorites...
                      Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

                      Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

                      This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole, it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

                      And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

                      Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

                      And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small café in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.

                      Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible, stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever.

                      This is not her story.

                      But it is the story of that terrible, stupid catastrophe and some of its consequences.

                      It is also the story of a book, a book called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...
                      From the opening chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by the Late, Great Douglas Adams!
                      "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
                      --StanFlouride

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                      • #26
                        More DNA goodness:


                        He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife

                        Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

                        In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.


                        Okay....that is enough Adams from me
                        "Getting to the top is optional. Getting down is mandatory." _Ed Viesturs
                        "Love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle" Steve Jobs

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                        • #27
                          Time to change direction for a bit...

                          From the über-classic G.I.*Joe: A Real American Hero issue # 27... "Snake-Eyes: The Origin, Part II"...

                          Hawk (referring to Snake-Eyes' pet wolf, Timber): "He's going to leave that poor animal behind all by itself?"

                          Stalker: "Hawk, that 'poor animal' is a wolf. He don't need no walkies and he thinks Alpo's for sissies."

                          "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
                          --StanFlouride

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                          • #28
                            ~ Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.- Gandhi

                            ~How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards. - Spanish Proverb

                            ~Remember some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.- Lez Barker
                            Hinakiba777- Student of Divinity-Always trying to get laid.

                            Annoying student=I pay tuition here so I pay your salary!
                            Desk Worker=I pay tuition here, too. So I guess I pay myself.

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                            • #29
                              "Outside a book, dog is man's best friend... inside a dog its too dark to read" Marx

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                              • #30
                                You cannot achieve success without the risk of failure. And I learned a long time ago, you cannot achieve success if you fear failure. If you're not afraid to fail...man, you have a chance to succeed! But you're never gonna get there unless you risk it all the way. I was a failure. Sometimes half the fun is failing--learning from your mistakes, waking up the next morning and saying, "Okay, watch out, here I come again. A little bit smarter, licking my wounds and really not looking forward to getting my ass kicked the way I just did yesterday. And now I'm just a little more dangerous."
                                --Paul Heyman (Founder of ECW)

                                Of what use is freedom of speech to those who fear to offend?
                                --Roger Ebert

                                Remember...it's just a ride.
                                --Bill Hicks
                                The New Orleans Saints are your 2009 NFL champions.

                                Believe dat.

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