My Turn....

[blas]

Wow, looks like several of us had a shitty New Years.

I'm probably over-reacting and most likely, nothing will happen, but as of yesterday and all of today, I've just been waiting for the police to come pounding on my door.

Things with Asshole Ex came to a head on New Years at 6 AM when the bars closed and he tried to pick a fight with my boyfriend (who I might mention was less drunk than him and almost twice his size) and then magically disappeared as he always does (always starting things with people, but yet always has the ability to run off and sneak away without a hint before anything can be done). Well, then his luck ran out.

There was a bar that didn't close that night. That's where everyone else went after our bar closed. My bf and I went back to my place and promptly passed out.

I received a text message from my friend Big Sis around 9 am. Someone literally beat the shit out of my ex boyfriend, and now she was being harrassed by all of his friends as to "What is blas' boyfriends name and where were they when this happened?" automatically assuming that we were there and my bf was the one who did it.

I worried all damn day and wouldn't get out of bed and made my boyfriend call me every so often so that I knew he wasn't arrested, and I promised myself I was not answering the door, and I made Big Sis promise NOT to tell any of his friends my bf's name. No, we have nothing to hide, but I firmly believe in the "Don't talk to cops" and I do NOT want my boyfriend's info being divulged and him being falsely arrested when we weren't even there.

No one knows who did it. He had been cruising for a bruisin' all night. Not saying that he deserved what it got, and no I didn't see him being put in the hospital coming, but I knew one day his luck of being able to start shit then run away would run out. I'm sure he messed with the wrong guy....he had been on a roll ever since he got to the bar. He was so drunk he was walking sideways and running into people and running his mouth.

I'm just so angry that my phone got flooded and everyone was accusing my boyfriend of doing it. I am really hoping that Big Sis and I were able to set them straight and get them to believe that bf and I weren't there and he didn't do it. Yes, it makes sense because they know Asshole stalks me and bugs me when bf isn't around, they know my bf is a huge muscular guy who could squash him without even trying, but we weren't even there! I made my boyfriend promise he wouldn't hurt him, that I'd be the one to do it because Asshole is doing everything because of me and it's my problem and my issue to fix.

Everyone please just cross your fingers that they do find the guy who did it, that my ex does get better. I certainly hate him but I never wanted this to happen. Everyone please hope and cross your fingers that the cops don't come after my boyfriend and me. And everyone please hope that if they do, I am able to do what Kinkoid always says to do!

[persephone]

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

My suggestions (this coming from someone who used to work for a criminal defense firm) which you do NOT have to take but might come in handy if you or boyfriend ARE ever questioned:

• DO NOT talk to any cops without a lawyer present. Yes, this can suck because sometimes it means they might arrest you if they think their "evidence" is enough to hold you on (I doubt it) but, as has been said on a thread over in Cursing Out CoWorkers, cops HAVE been known to get "confessions" out of innocent people and demanding a lawyer is in no way admitting guilt. If you don't have money for a lawyer or if you don't know one that can help you (any friends / family lawyers?), they will get a public defender for you to talk to.

• Sit down, as soon as possible, and write out a detailed time line of what happened that night. Be as specific as possible. I say do this soon, because the sooner you do it, the more you are likely to remember. Is there anyone you saw when you were coming home that might be able to confirm you were both there at *time*? Maybe a neighbor or a cab driver or bus driver? If you took a cab or bus home, make sure you note what time and company you used, so if they need to they can talk to the drivers.

• DO NOT give out your boyfriends information or anything to your ex's friends. If the cops think there is evidence, they will take care of it. It is NOT his friends' responsibility to "take the law into their hands" or whatever it is they want to do.

• Don't go after ex in anyway. Let the police handle it. This is their issue now. If you have to, start making a list of the times he's bothered you so if you need to, you can file for a restraining order or something if things keep up or get worse.

• Don't let this affect your life. You know you did nothing wrong. You know boyfriend did nothing wrong. My guess is the cops won't even talk to you and, if they do, it will be very minor. No matter what, you know you are innocent. Maintain that.

I'll keep my fingers crossed and keep you in my thoughts. Good luck, keep us posted and I'm really really sorry you're having to deal with this. PM me if you have any questions or need someone to vent to. *hugs*

[blas]

The main reason I don't want any of Asshole's friends knowing my bf's name is because I definetly don't want him falsely arrested. They won't be taking the law into their own hands, what they were doing by harrassing Big Sis and me was just proving they were just trying to pick out the first person that THEY would think hurt their friend, without even knowing who really was there and who wasn't. That really irritates me.

Edit to add: We won't have to worry about Asshole himself for at least a week or more. He's in the hospital....I don't think he'll be after anyone again for quite a while. It was a really sad way to learn to control yourself when drinking and not start stuff with people, but it happened. I have no intention of going after him or doing anything unless after he heals, he goes after me or my bf again.

[persephone]

If he goes after you or BF, go to the cops. And I agree, I don't want your BF arrested either.

I think you'll be alright. Keep us posted though.

[blas]

I thank you for your kind words and your advice. I do think I am over-reacting, even my boyfriend thinks I am. He's repeatedly told me to quit thinking about it, and that no one is going after us. Although the only proof that we weren't there is word of mouth from my friends. I drove us home....I can't recall anyone watching us leave.

I really just need to calm down.

[calulu]

Sounds like it's time to take out a restraining order against the Ex.

Karma was dished up on his ass and if he was that drunk and obnoxious it could have been anyone making a human bongo out of him. A million suspects.

Sorry you're having a horrible time.

[draftermatt]

Quoth blas87

I thank you for your kind words and your advice. I do think I am over-reacting, even my boyfriend thinks I am. He's repeatedly told me to quit thinking about it, and that no one is going after us. Although the only proof that we weren't there is word of mouth from my friends. I drove us home....I can't recall anyone watching us leave.

I really just need to calm down.

But can anyone place you/him at the scene where he was beaten? If there were a lot of people in the bar and not one saw you, it would help your cause there.

If you're really worried you can check to see if your apartment has cameras that would have seen you come in. And I hate to say it but what about Sheriff? The way you describe him he probably heard or saw you come in.

Or the people in the apartments around you, if the walls are thin then they could have heard you, especially if you were making noise.