95% Waxing Gibbous or Wanker Gibberish
Does anyone else notice that the crazier customer interactions happen right around the time of the full moon? The moon is 95% on the way to full so tonight I had a few doozies.
Tonight was a grand experiment by Sucky Flowers my employer. Usually at 9 pm est Monday through Friday, 7 pm est Saturday and 5 pm est Sunday the corporate center closes and all calls are routed through to an overnight call center out west that answers phones for lots of companies. We've had a boat load of troubles with each overnight center the company has used, first in Pakistan, then in the Phillipines and now somewhere in California. I don't know where they get their employees but they seem to employ every semi iliterate dumbass not in the entertainment industry in California. They screw things up mightly, mostly because they have very little understanding of how we work, what happens after the order is entered into the computer. Enormous headaches created by those that just don't know the flower business.
Corporate decided that this week that the calls would flip to we remote agents working from home when corporate shut down for the night. They offered we remoters double wages to each pull one extended shift. So tonight, the first night, was my turn to work from 5 to 10 from home on top of my usual weekly shift. Easiest money I ever made, the calls were few and far between, I was sipping a mojito, reading and listening to music between calls. But, boy did I did a slew of crazy making 95% full mooners.
Candygram For Mr Stupid
Guy calls up at 9:30 pm eastern time wanting to get a dozen roses delivered to his girlfriend tonight. I point out that a) 90% of all florists are not open on Sunday and b) 100% of all florists are closed at 9:30 pm. He then gets shirty with me and points out that our telephone ad says '24 hour ordering' and I have to explain the difference between actually placing that order 24 hours a day and the florists only delivering during standard business hours.
Stupid guy then asks me if I know if Western Union can get out a Candygram tonight. I tell him I don't know. He insists I know. I point out to him several times I don't work for Western Union, he has to actually ask Western Union if they can get out a Candygram at 9:30 pm on a Sunday night. I'm sure they're just sitting around waiting for this ill prepared assclown's order with baited breath.
Then he demands to know what Western Union's phone number is.
Lady calls up crying and yelling that she done paid us what for to deliver them flowers days and daysis ago and she wants to know where they is. She sounds really drunk and quite like an escapee from Jed Clampet's Hollah. Keep looking for her order in the system and start asking her when and how she ordered her flowers. She says, "Well, I paided you in you store in downtown Bug Piddly Kaintuck! You tooks my cash and didnt'gimme my flawruus!"
So Moonshine Milly paid her local florist cash last week and decides to call up a national florist chain to scream that someone else didn't do their job? And this is my problem how?
The Wrong Accent
This very high and mighty acting gentleman with a straight out of the BBC accent calls up to order flowers yet refuses to deal with me, asking that I transfer him to someone else. Why? Was I rude? Oh no, he didn't want to deal with me because I had a Southern accent. He said he refused to deal with uneducated hicks so I transferred him to the drop out on duty with the thick Long Island accent. And my Southern accent is slight, shades of Ellie Mae Clampett creep into my voice slightly only when I'm over tired or extremely drunken. And I have a couple of degrees.
Another citizen of the UK, this time calling from the Emerald Isles, placing an order for a semi-celebrity on the west coast. It was obvious it was an obsessional fan adulation drooler going on. His message read - Dear Miss So-N-So, please forgive me for the 300 letters I sent you. Spring is arriving with all it's fair glory and I shall be in your town in a few days. There's a lonely girraffe waiting for you at the zoo. Shall we visit him together next week? Call me.
Mixed Nuts & Bolts
Woman calling claiming the flowers someone sent her had potato bugs on them and that the potato bugs had infested her house and where watching her undress at night.
Various drunk guys ordering roses roses roses for strippers.
Some guy asking if he ordered flowers right then and there could I get the florist to swing by the 7-11 and pick up a few 40 ounce beers to go with it. He'd broken both legs and was craving his 40s.
People describing various crazy things they'd seen on informercials wanting to order them from us. None of these things was floral related.
"No, I will not poop a shopping cart out for you." - Irving Patrick Freleigh