Tech/customer support rules

[godaistudios]

While on this, I won't say where I work, but I will say I work for a wireless provider.

That said, I have a few rules that will make your time spent with me much easier.

1. When I ask for your name, it means I want YOUR name, not your mother's, brother's, friend's, cousin's, boyfriend's, boss's, teacher's, dog's, pastor's, therapist's name. YOUR name. If you are Bob, don't tell me your name is Sarah. And yes, I do need your last name, because I don't know if you are Tom Smith, Tom Baker, or Tom Johnson.

2. Don't give more information than I ask you for. I don't need your life story. While I'm happy to be understanding about whatever distress you might be having, I have a reason for the questions I'm asking you.

3. When we ask you what your number is, don't ask "you mean the one I'm calling from?" Think. If you are on your next door neighbor's cell phone, or another family members phone, how is knowing his or her number going to help us fix YOUR phone that is having problems?

4. Don't give vague answers like "it's not working" or "it's broke." That tells me nothing.

5. Don't lie about the steps you've taken, especially if you are calling back in. Calls are documented for a reason.

6. Don't call back in for a different answer than the last one given you. The answer is the same 99% of the time.

7. If we give you steps to fix your problem, don't think we got it wrong. Don't say, "I don't think that's it." You are not the expert. Can show me your I.T. certifications and/or degrees in MY field? No? Okay then, let me do my job.

8. When I ask you a question that requires a Yes or No answer... that's what I want. Yes or No. If I want you to elaborate, I'll ask.

9. Since we are troubleshooting your wireless device, if you have a 2nd phone, call from it first. If you absolutely need us to call you back on your alternate line, we will, but don't ask if we need the number. This isn't the psychic friends network.

10. If you are calling from the device having the problem, don't assume we can fix it - that's like asking your mechanic to fix your brakes and transmission while you are driving the car.

11. Two or Three steps that you have to do on your own is NOT complicated. It may be annoying, but that doesn't define complexity.

12. If we don't make it, don't assume we support/ or are able to fix it. If we have to send you elsewhere, don't argue the point.

13. Don't ask the obvious. If it says click "next" to continue, don't ask me if you need to click next. It should be clear that if you don't hit "next" you won't be getting anywhere. And yes, you don't have to ask me at each and every step... take the step that actually makes sense.

14. Don't talk down to me just because you can't see my face. I am a human being too, and I deserve to be treated like one. I can assure you however, if you call in often enough, you will be put on "the list." This list actaully resides with our legal department, and yes, there are steps that will be taken where if you wish to remain our customer, you can write to us for support.

15. Don't get into conversations with other people in the background. I'm giving you my time, give me yours.

16. Don't ask "are you there?" if you get 3 seconds of silence. I'm here, and it's annoying to be asked that every other moment.

17. Don't curse on the phone. I'm expected to remain civil and professional, so you can afford to meet me halfway on that.

18. Don't use "The customer is always right" with me. You can tell me that trees run with blood in them, the moon is made of gouda and JFK was killed by aliens - but that doesn't require me to agree with you. Yes, you do have the right to be heard, but you do not have the right to be disrespectful.

19. Don't call when you only have 2 minutes to spare. I'm sorry, but don't think we can simply fix your issue if you are calling just to "check." We don't have magic wands.

20. Take the steps to fix the issue. Yes, the steps may mean you will lose information. No, we aren't doing that to you on purpose. Yes, if we could save your information, we would. I'm sorry, that's life.

[Eric the Grey]

Quoth godaistudios

13. Don't ask the obvious. If it says click "next" to continue, don't ask me if you need to click next. It should be clear that if you don't hit "next" you won't be getting anywhere. And yes, you don't have to ask me at each and every step... take the step that actually makes sense.

Be careful about this one. It can get you in trouble if the user starts clicking next before entering in information necessary on the screen. Not all apps hide the "next" button until all the info is entered in.

Other than that, I agree.


Eric the Grey

[godaistudios]

Quoth Eric the Grey

Be careful about this one. It can get you in trouble if the user starts clicking next before entering in information necessary on the screen. Not all apps hide the "next" button until all the info is entered in.

Other than that, I agree.


Eric the Grey

Well, in my line of work with PDA devices and having people install things like blackberry desktop software and the like, the programmers have been, generally speaking, intelligent enough to actually require the necessary info be put in first before they can click next... but I suppose the point is about putting in the obvious.

Like if the field says "Name" - put your name, don't ask me if you need to type it in.

Though perhaps this will lead me to modify my list a little.

[Eric the Grey]

Quoth godaistudios

Well, in my line of work with PDA devices and having people install things like blackberry desktop software and the like, the programmers have been, generally speaking, intelligent enough to actually require the necessary info be put in first before they can click next... but I suppose the point is about putting in the obvious.

Like if the field says "Name" - put your name, don't ask me if you need to type it in.

Though perhaps this will lead me to modify my list a little.

Too true. I just remember talking people through configuring outlook 2003 before we upgraded to 2007 and having them jump ahead of me by clicking next before they entered their email stuff.

The new version is much nicer. Already knows the server names and picks the user name from login credentials. Just click the icon and go, assuming you're logged in with your own ID.... (there's a rant for another day...)


Eric the Grey

[PepperElf]

Tom Baker! Ooo. You have Doctor Who as a client!?

If we give you steps to fix your problem, don't think we got it wrong.

unless the tech we're talking to is in the military.
on my second ship our internet access had to go through another command before it went out into the world. they were notorious for giving us a long list of stuff to check before they finally checked their own settings. and yes, 9 times out of 10 it really was their settings that were off.


and heh yeah, we had a few trouble calls of "computer broke" or "it won't work"
soooo helpful!

[godaistudios]

Quoth PepperElf

Tom Baker! Ooo. You have Doctor Who as a client!?


unless the tech we're talking to is in the military.
on my second ship our internet access had to go through another command before it went out into the world. they were notorious for giving us a long list of stuff to check before they finally checked their own settings. and yes, 9 times out of 10 it really was their settings that were off.


and heh yeah, we had a few trouble calls of "computer broke" or "it won't work"
soooo helpful!

Yeah, a Doctor Who fan here.... I'm glad you got the reference.

[Midorikawa]

Quoth godaistudios

Well, in my line of work with PDA devices and having people install things like blackberry desktop software and the like, the programmers have been, generally speaking, intelligent enough to actually require the necessary info be put in first before they can click next... but I suppose the point is about putting in the obvious.

Like if the field says "Name" - put your name, don't ask me if you need to type it in.

Though perhaps this will lead me to modify my list a little.

Argh. I don't miss the days of "It says First Name...what do I put there?" "...Your...first name?" "but what do I put there?!" "What's your first name?" "Joe" "put that there." "put what where?" *destroys headset in anger*

[Akasa]

I liked in DSL tech support asking them what modem they had to be told "Its the black one!" I can see something similar happening to you.

[sirwired]

I have mixed feelings about number 7. On the one hand, I do indeed have customers that have read a few web articles that somehow think they know more than me, with nearly a decade of experience with the precise technology they are having trouble with.

On the other hand, I work with vendor support reps that clearly haven't been on the job very long, and whose support skills seem to consist of reading crap off of the knowledge base and trying to push it on me if a few keywords line up. Heck, I have one guy my cases regularly get assigned to that doesn't even go that far.

Example: Customer has a CPU util. display problem on product X running version Y. Dumbass vendor support guy insists it's a dupe of known bug Z. Too bad the bug description talks about mem util. display, on a different set of products, running a different version of the code. He then proceeds to argue with me for ten minutes insisting it's a dupe. He even goes so far as to insist: "The bug never says anything about specific products!" Right in the bug title: "Customers using Products Foo and Bar may experience high displayed memory utilization."! (And my customer isn't using Foo or Bar.)

SirWired

[Ironclad Alibi]

Quoth godaistudios

8. When I ask you a question that requires a Yes or No answer... that's what I want. Yes or No. If I want you to elaborate, I'll ask.

If I could only convince my wife to do that. :sigh:

Quoth godaistudios

10. If you are calling from the device having the problem, don't assume we can fix it - that's like asking your mechanic to fix your brakes and transmission while you are driving the car.

That reminded me of this joke:

A Harley mechanic was removing a cylinder head when a famous heart surgeon entered his shop.

The mechanic shouted, "Hey, Doc! Got a minute?"

The surgeon walked over to the mechanic and said, "Sure. What is it?"

The mechanic stood up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take out the valves, repair the damage, put it back together and when I'm done, it works like new. We both do basically the same thing. So why do I get paid peanuts while you make the big bucks?"

The surgeon paused, thought a moment and replied, "Try doing it with the engine running!"