Please say that again so I can write it down

Oniontears · #1 06-16-2012, 08:46 AM

I got a job as a telemarketer a few weeks ago. The company works exclusively for charities, so it's a really low-pressure job and I've hardly gotten any rude responses. What I do get are some really weird/funny ones. Names changed to protect the hilarious (though I have called several people with these names).

Great conversations

Me: Hello, is that Mrs. Smith?
Them: No.
Me: Is Mrs. Smith available?
Them: No.
Me: I'm sorry, have I got the wrong number?
Them: No.
Me: Is Mr. Smith available?
Them: No.
Me: ...

Me: Hello, is that Mr. Brown?
Them: Maybe.

Me: Hello, is that Mrs. White?
Them: Yes, who's this?
Me: My name's Oniontears and I'm calling from <charity name>.
Them: How did you get my phone number?
Me: We get our information from the White Pages online.
Them: But how did you get my number?!

Me: Hello, my name's Oniontears and I'm calling from <charity name>. How are you this evening?
Them: Cold.
Me: Is it a bit chilly, isn't it?
Them: So I can't help you. *click*

*after spiel*
Them: No, sorry, I can't help you.
Me: No worries, thanks for your-
*smoke alarm starts going off in background*

Them: Sorry, I don't believe in raffles.
(What I really wanted to respond with: BUT RAFFLES BELIEVE IN YOU).

Them: "You have called the voicemail box of X."
(Voicemail box? I gotta get me one of those).

Small child: (yelling off the phone) Mum, there's someone on the phone for you!
*pause, murmuring in background*
Small child: (to me) What are you.
(I had to try SO HARD not to laugh, he said it so seriously).

Them: I've just had knee surgery, so I'm not up to talking.

Them: I'm really busy, I'm up to my neck in potting mix!

*spiel for charity that works with children*
Them: No thanks, I don't have any kids.
(Holy crap, I didn't realise you needed to have kids to be able to donate to this charity! I'M DOING IT ALL WRONG)

Them: Sorry, I'm financially embarrassed at the moment, so I can't help.
(Best. Phrase. Ever)

Awesome or awful names I've seen:
Mr. Posthumous
J. Harkness
M. Marples
Mr. McShang
Mr. Butt (who told me he was a teacher)

The job can be pretty repetitive but 1) I'm getting paid more than I did in retail, 2) I can pretty much wear whatever I want to work, 3) it's a hundred times less stressful than my last two retail jobs!

ADeMartino · #2 06-16-2012, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Quoth Oniontears

Them: Sorry, I'm financially embarrassed at the moment, so I can't help.
(Best. Phrase. Ever)

I heard that one once, a long time ago - back in the '80s, I think. I adapted it for my own use..... 'Financially HUMILIATED'....

bhskittykatt · #3 06-17-2012, 06:10 PM

Financially embarrassed...I'm going to have to remember that one!

Mr. Butt is a teacher.....oh God, I feel sorry for the poor guy already!

Oniontears · #4 06-18-2012, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Quoth bhskittykatt

Financially embarrassed...I'm going to have to remember that one!

Mr. Butt is a teacher.....oh God, I feel sorry for the poor guy already!

I had another one today! Between calls I leaned over to a co-worker and asked, "If your last name was Butt, would you change it?"

His response: "No, I'd change my first name to... Head."

I nearly had to mute my headset, I was laughing so hard.