A few gems from the past two weeks (long)

[solidmetalgear19]

Just like the title says.

The not so MILF

So I'm tearing tickets when these two women (bout 30-40 roughly) come through.

One of them leans in kinda close and goes

W: Are you single



Me: No, I'm actually arranged to be married "wtf:

Seriously. Not only was this woman soooo not my type, but you also have to figure. I was in diapers when she was in highschool.

Banging my girl

It's winding down at night while I'm sweeping around the lobby. I pass by these kids and our exchange goes like this.

Kids: K
Me: Want's to go home.

K: Hey man, what's up.

At this point I'm not going to bullshit him

Me: I'm tired and i want to go home.

K: You got a girlfriend?

Me: What does that have to do with anything?

K: You gonna go home and bang her?

That little pissant. Who the hell does he think he is asking a total stranger that. I mean, i don't have a girlfriend. But still.

Me: *angry tone* I don't think that's any of your business.

And i walked away.

I am not a bank you f-ing moocher

I'm walking around when I pass this preteen girl.

Girl: Can I have a dollar.

Yeah sure, okay. How abou tin exchange for your immortal soul?

Me: *quickly* No

Girl: Why?

Are you f-ing kidding me?

Me: Because I am not the first national bank of (insert theater name here).

Yes I said that.


The lights are on, I'm cleaning, get out

It's simple, if you see us in a theatre, cleaning, with the lights on, it is NOT an open invitaion to come in and sit down. Have some f-ing patience.

Yet people still do it time after time after time.

People: Can we sit down yet?

What the hell do you think. Does this picture scream "Now seating" to you? Do you want to sit in other people's garbage?

There's a little invention called a clock

Guy: What time does my movie start

Look at your ticket numb-nuts

Me: 6:40

Guy: What time is it now?



(insert time that my watch says)

With this much lack of commen sense, I'm surprised our entire species hasn't starved to death.