Married ladies, I need help. (and happy news within)

[Caffienated_Caramel]

Current mood: and

I honestly didn't think this was going to happen but it's going to happen.




I'm getting married.




J came home on the 4th and as soon as we got to the bedroom, he dropped to one knee and presented me with a ring. Hot damn was I shocked, then happy.

We both know his next deployment date is up in the air this winter. We don't have enough time to plan a nice wedding so soon since both our schedules are busy, (his more than mine). So we're going with going to the courthouse and getting the license and having our pastor marry us. Since a lot of paper work will need to be done and J wants me protected while he's deployed again.

What's making me nervous and angst is that it's happening in a short amount of time and I'm 'OMG I need to get stuff DONE!' The date is July 28th and thankfully he'll be on leave.

It's just where J's mom and my dad (I'm floored he's coming! O,O) are the witness's at our church where we're just gonna get married. But I'm like...'what about a dress and a bouqet? Will dad walk me down the aisle? How does this work? and I gotta get the house super clean! Aaaahhh!'

It doesn't help that I work late at night >< also having pre marriage counseling and making it to that with our contradicting schedules... The best option I have is telling my boss (since I'm a temp) that I wont be working cuz of..all this...but I need money too ><

Help meeee Any of you been through this? I'm so....SO nervous. I can't sleep! T-T

ohyea, I'm not looking for a full wedding dress but more for a nice white summer or white cocktail dress. It's summer! I don't wanna be sweating in a dress I'll wear for a few hours >>

[KiaKat]

Hit up the OffBeat Bride site/community. It was incredibly helpful when I was planning... and I just realized I never switched my account over to the new community. Oh well, not like I had a ton of thought-provoking posts there.

Just the blog alone is enough to give you resources. ModCloth is a great place to find dresses, and they're reasonably priced. Zappos for shoes. Find a local florist that is willing to throw together a bouquet & bout for you and hubby-to-be, and maybe a few small bouquets for the church (you can transfer them to wherever you're having your post-wedding celebration as decor). If you want to have a nice dinner somewhere, find a great local restaurant willing to set aside a corner for your group, and see if they have a recommendation for a bakery for cake. Etsy is useful for accessories (and rings!), as well as design elements for either the ceremony or the celebration.

Music: It doesn't have to be traditional. Find music YOU like (I used Apocalyptica and IZ for mine), and the question of escorting you down the aisle... that's up to you! Do you want him to walk you down? You don't *have* to do anything other than state your intent and exchange limited vows. Everything else is up to you (and whatever cultural norms you care to go with). Sit down with your fiance and talk to him. Start at the beginning (clothing), and work your way through ceremony and celebration. Decide what is absolutely necessary, and toss everything else in the bin.

And most of all, remember: This is about you, your fiance, and your desire to share this very intimate moment with the people you most care for. Nothing else matters, truly. It's all just trappings.

[fireheart]

You don't *have* to do anything other than state your intent and exchange limited vows. Everything else is up to you (and whatever cultural norms you care to go with). Sit down with your fiance and talk to him. Start at the beginning (clothing), and work your way through ceremony and celebration. Decide what is absolutely necessary, and toss everything else in the bin.

And most of all, remember: This is about you, your fiance, and your desire to share this very intimate moment with the people you most care for. Nothing else matters, truly. It's all just trappings.

Pretty much this. You don't need to make it huge and spectacular.

You could even write your own vows as some people have done. And yes, different things occur at weddings depending on what you feel comfortable doing. For instance, at a few weddings we had the bouquet toss, while the last wedding I went to also had a garter toss (making me go because I'd heard of it but not seen it).

I know that some wedding ceremonies would involve flower girls, pageboys and ring bearers. Down here, I've only seen junior bridesmaids (with the younger ones not being part of the ceremony) and groomsmen (with the best man having the rings). Some weddings might go on forever (the first wedding I went to had the priest asking the bride's two kids for permission to marry, along with various vows, exchange of rings and verses), while others might be shorter (my cousin's wedding had a couple of verses, the vows and the exchange of rings).

Also who says that the dress has to be white?! I've heard of some brides wearing pink, green or even wearing costumes on their wedding day. So if you can't find (or make) a white cocktail dress, don't stress.

A friend's wedding had the groom wearing knights armour with his suit, while both he and the groomsmen all carried swords.

[Lyse]

I've known quite a few people that were in this situation due to deployments or ships going underway. One option is to simply have a justice of the peace type ceremony, with your witnesses, in order to have the paperwork for the military.

At that point you can take a breath and plan a ceremony for a future date. On that will allow the two of you to have a ceremony that is personal and meaningful to the two of you, and have friends and family there for it.

[Caffienated_Caramel]

I've known quite a few people that were in this situation due to deployments or ships going underway. One option is to simply have a justice of the peace type ceremony, with your witnesses, in order to have the paperwork for the military.

At that point you can take a breath and plan a ceremony for a future date. On that will allow the two of you to have a ceremony that is personal and meaningful to the two of you, and have friends and family there for it.

That's what J and I are planning to do. I'm angsting about avoiding to be sucky since this is happening so quick.

On top of that, trying hold onto my temp job with a death like grip until I find a stable one closer to home.

[Lyse]

Oops - that will teach me to read while half asleep. Sorry.

[Crossbow]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing a simple ceremony first for legal reasons and the full one later. I've been part of three such weddings now, and they've all be wonderful.

[KiaKat]

Also.. CONGRATS! Remember to take a few moments and just ENJOY. You're doing this because you love each other, and you have to revel in that love, especially on the day of.

This is one of my favourite photos from my wedding day - because it was taken during one of those moments. Ditto, this one.

[Ellain]

Congrats, and remember to breathe!

I found it helpful to make lists- what needs to be done by when. Look at the list in the morning, is there anything you have time to cross off today?

[kpzra]

Mine was a pre deployment courthouse wedding, and there is nothing wrong with that. All the military needs is a marriage certificate to process you. We know a couple that had their pastor marry them in secret and then hold a big wedding that everyone thought was the actual one. For DEERS purposes they were covered but they had time then to plan the big ceremony. They use the big wedding day as their anniversary.

Oh, and I wore a sundress but it was pink since we were supposed to get married on a Friday and hubby took the Monday (same day) slot that gave me 2 hours to get ready...grrr We are tentatively planning on renewing our vows next year (10th anniversary) at Ranger Rendezvous though, so I'll get my fancy sundress (Georgia in August).

[Gizmo]

The only thing you need is YOU! (and witnesses and pastor of course).

However I tried to make my wedding as simple as possible (for a 'formal' wedding at least) by getting everything out of the way early:
- I chose a dress from a prom dress shop. picked it up on the day I choose it as it was a standard fit and no need to amend.
- Hubby went to a 'proper' suit shop and chose something he liked off the shelf. (His actually cost more than mine did. )
- I didn't have bridesmaids. Hubby had a best man but we didn't try to match outfits among the group (we still managed to by pure chance!).
- I had silk flowers and only had my own bouquet and didn't have table decorations.
- We had a buffet so that it wasn't as difficult to fit in everyone's food choices.

[PepperElf]

So we're going with going to the courthouse and getting the license and having our pastor marry us. Since a lot of paper work will need to be done and J wants me protected while he's deployed again.

Also, if it's anything like the Navy he will get an extra bonus just for being separated from you while deployed.

One of the women on my second ship did this on purpose. We had a deployment coming up so she & her fiancé had a legal wedding before getting underway... and she arranged to have her actual wedding ceremony after we got back. So for the 4 months we were gone she got a bonus in her paycheck just for the hardship of being away from her husband.

[kpzra]

Congrats, sorry I forgot that in my first post. Now, take a deep breath and prepare to jump head first into the military real quick since you said he will be on leave.

There is no special pay for being separated during a deployment, only the standard hazard and hardship pay that everyone gets. You will be eligible for BAH if living off post (amount varies by location, use his duty location to calculate not your locastion). BAS (food allowance) will stop when he is deployed and restart when the unit comes back. Make SURE you get processed into DEERS before he goes, that gets you your ID card and medical coverage. He should also update his will, insurance policy and POA. This can all be done in one day.

[Andara Bledin]

First off,

Now, as for the courthouse ceremony, you can go as formal or as simple as you want. My parents got married in whatever they normally wore with an aunt and some random passerby for witnesses. Needless to say, that's about as stripped down as a wedding gets (neither of them does ceremonies).

Since this is mostly a quick "formality" affair, you shouldn't really stress over the arrangements; save that for the "official" wedding with the guest list and catering and whatever you choose to put together for your real ceremony. At least, that's how I'd do it.

^-.-^