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You Really Are Useless

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  • You Really Are Useless

    Just got off the call with this one. I seriously had to resist the urge to try to KILL HER WITH MY BRAIN.

    Luser had been working on a document, went to save it, and "it just... went away."

    Now, it took her a bit to actually articulate this. Because I very quickly realized that she's either not that bright or not very techno-literate, or both. Because when I asked her for her ID# (standard question), she went quiet for a few moments, and then said to give her a minute because she can never remember it.

    Anyway, once we got that squared away, we got down to the business of trying to fix her problem with her document "going away." I mistakenly assumed we were talking about a Word issue or something, and asked if I could remote in to assist.

    Pause. I swear I could hear the hamster spinning furiously in its wheel. Then she agreed.

    I send the remote-assist command. Once this happens, she has to click 'Yes' in a pop-up window to allow me to see her screen. Then I send another remote-assist command, which requires another 'Yes' to allow me to remotely control her computer.

    She couldn't find the remote-assist window. IT WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER SCREEN.

    J2K: "Click 'Yes' in the remote assist window."
    Her: "I don't see any remote assist window."
    J2K: "It should be right there in the middle of your screen. Click 'Yes.'"
    Her: "Send?"
    J2K: "No, the 'Yes' button. In the window titled 'Remote Assistance.'"
    Her: "There's no 'Yes' button."
    J2K: (for the love of...) "The window in the middle of your screen. 'Remote Assistance--'"
    Her: "I'm not seeing it. I see a 'Send' button..."
    J2K: "To the right of that window. 'Remote Assistance - (etc. etc.)' Click 'Yes.'"
    Her: "Oh. Okay."

    Great, so now we're working.

    Except, no. The document she'd been working on wasn't a Word document. It was for a program that The Client uses. A program that ITSD does not have access to, nor do we have access to even troubleshoot it. But I had to make sure whether the database I was seeing was connected to [Program] to be sure I gave her the right information.

    J2K: "Is this a [Program] database?"
    Her: "... ... ... ... ... ..."
    J2K: (oh god) "Is this [database] database a [Program] database?"
    Her: "... ... ... ... ... ..." (hamster spins its wheel)
    J2K: "Is this a [x] database?"

    [x] being another common Client term for [Program]-related things. Mentioning this seemed to fire some neuron, because I got a response.

    Her: "I don't know what it's from."
    J2K: "You don't know whether [database] is a [x] database?"
    Her: "I don't know what it's from."

    CUE BLINDING RAGE. I seriously had to clamp my eyes shut and try reeeeeally hard not to send MIND-RAYS OF DEATH at her. This woman works for The Client, meaning that she is presumably an intelligent person. She evidently works with [database] regularly, but she couldn't tell me whether [database] was part of [Program], which is what I was guessing, since I could see another database open which explicitly said [x] on it.

    After a moment or three, I clamped the rage down and finished up with the Luser. I admitted that, if [database] is part of [x] or [Program], then ITSD does not have access to troubleshoot it. Luser decided she'd wait until tomorrow and talk to someone then.

    I could understand if my mentioning [Program] might have confused her. [Program] produces [x] documents, from what I understand, though [x] documents can be generated in other ways. But mentioning [x] to her, if her database does have anything to do with [x], should have triggered an "Oh! Yes, it is" kind of reaction instead of a furiously spinning hamster wheel.

    Arrrgh.
    PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

    There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

  • #2
    I'm of the firm opinion that lusers must be treated with kid gloves. That way, you don't damage your hands when you smash the keyboard over their heads.
    Mytical: A SC? Make a mistake? Oh goodness no. Must have been the little pink men from the planet parsley in the butternut galaxy. We all know that SC's could NEVER make mistakes.

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    • #3
      Keyboard? Nah, I prefer a crowbar. It knocks just as much sense into someone. Plus, there's less danger of getting hurt by flying keys
      Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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      • #4
        Quoth protege View Post
        Keyboard? ...
        As long as the rest of the baby grand is still attached...
        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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        • #5
          Quoth protege View Post
          Keyboard? Nah, I prefer a crowbar. It knocks just as much sense into someone. Plus, there's less danger of getting hurt by flying keys
          Yes, but there's always the possibility the flying keys will spell out an amusing message while flying through the air.
          PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

          There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

          Comment

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