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I think that's beginning to be every week anymore, but it's getting really bad - especially this week. Fruitcakes aren't exclusively SC's. Some are actually nice, but are weird, and some are just as bad as pulling teeth to deal with.
We have a small office, and we have one out on medical leave (manager). Unfortunately, it couldn't be the one that's allergic to work. I don't think she's picked up the phone all week, and without the manager there to tell her it's part of her job to answer and route calls, she just lets them go. I swear, every time I picked up, I got a weirdo.
These are the highlights (lowlights):
Fruitcake 1: You Know Everything
Me = Me
Wd = Weird Dude
Me - How may I help you?
Wd - Um, yeah, I need to buy some supplies but I don't know what to buy.
Me - Well, what do you need supplies for?
Wd - (launches into description)
Me - Ok, you need x, and y, but not z.
Wd - I know that.
Me - Ok, well what can I help you with?
Wd - How much do you give me with "x" product.
Me - You get (insert amount). I wouldn't advise buying any more because once you open the package, it degrades quickly.
Wd - Okay then. Wow - you know alot.
Me - That's what I'm here for. Is there anything else?
Wd - How (garbled - can't understand him).
Me - Did you ask me how long I've worked here?
Wd - No, but that's a great question! How long?
Me - Seven years.
Wd - WOW! You know everything!
Me - Again, thanks, but not even close. There are people here who have been with the company since day one.
Wd - Ok then. Bye!
My brain hurt after that one.
Fruitcake 2: That $1.50 Will Bankrupt My Company
Me = Me (duh)
Pl = Picky Lady
Me - May I help you?
Pl - Yeah, I buy stuff from you all the time. I need what I got last time.
Me - Can I have the name of your organization?
Pl - (gives me info). I need what I got last time. HELLO? Are you there?
Me - Yes, I'm looking up your information (as an aside, this irritates me - some people think that if you don't talk for 2 seconds that you've hung up)
Pl - Ok. Did you find it yet?
Me - You have 3 previous orders. The last one was 3 years ago (yep - frequent customer there). Which product?
Pl - It's (insert vague product description).
Me - That's not something you ordered before.
Pl - Yes, I have.
Me - Well, maybe I just can't find that order (which isn't true).
Pl - I have ann issue with your website.
Me - Ok. It's new and still has some glitches. What's the problem you are having?
Pl - I order one of these, and shipping is $29.25. When I order two, the shipping is $63. Why is there a difference?
Me - Well, when they ship two they band the packages together to ensure they don't get separated in shipping.
Pl - Well, then I'm just going to order it online and order 1 of them twice.
Me - I wouldn't advise that. There's all kinds of things that can go wrong. They can get separated, the system could kick it out as a duplicate, your credit card could reject it because it's the same amount twice (that does happen). I ran the shipping and $60 is the absolute best I can do. I'm sorry. (the shipping system online probably thinks the address is a residence, but she owns a legitimate business so I waived the residential fee that the shipper charges us).
Pl - Well, that's still $1.50 too much. I'm going online and placing 2 separate orders.
Me - Again, I would advise against that, but it is your choice.
Pl - Fine. Just go ahead, but I don't think it's right you overcharge by $1.50.
After I hung up, I scouted all her orders and she never once ordered what she was ordering. As a courtesy, I called her back and asked again if that was what she wanted, and was it possible she was confusing it with another product she ordered. Yep - she was confused. I told her the price would remain the same. She grumbled and hung up. Yeah - thanks for the thanks for you not getting the wrong product.
Fruitcake 3: I'm Too Busy!
Me = Me (again)
Wl = Whacko lady
Me - May I help you?
Wl - Yeah, I'm in my car driving down the road so I can't get to my computer but I want to buy something.
Me - What would you like to buy?
Wl - (Insert product).
Me - Were you planning on ordering it for "x"? It's not really suitable for that.
Wl - Yes, I was. Why not?
Me - Well, it's not designed for that, and using it for that could result in injury.
Wl - Why sell it?
Me - It's for (insert other purpose, for which it works just fine).
Wl - Well, that's what I'm using it for.
Me - Ok then. That's fine. I just wanted you to be aware of the issues.
Wl - Well then I don't want that one.
Me - Ok, well then.....
Wl - Wait - I have to get this.
At this time, I hear her put the phone down and WALK away (see above comment about driving). I'm about to hang up when she comes back.
Wl - That was my kid. He wants me to pick him up.
Me - (internally: and I care why?) Do you need to go (oh please please go)? You can call back later if you want.
Wl - No. He can wait.
Me - Ok. What were you using.....
Wl - Why can't I have that other one?
Me - As I explained, you can have it if you want, but .....
Wl - Well, I can't have people getting hurt.
Me - Ok, well what are you looking to......
Wl - (garbled - on a cell phone).
Me - I'm sorry, I didn't catch that?
Wl - (garbled)
Me - I'm sorry, I can't hear you. You're breaking up.
Wl - (garbled) wrong with the first one?
Me - I'm sorry. I only caught part of that.
Wl - WELL, I'M JUST TOO BUSY TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS AND I'M JUST TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW. GOODBYE!
Ummmm.....YOU called ME!
Fruitcake 4: It's For My Kid For School
Me = Me
Sm = Strange Mom
Me - May I help you?
Sm - I need samples of every product you have. It's for my kid.....for a science project.....he loves your stuff and wants to do a presentation about the different kinds of stuff you have.
As an aside, there is science somewhat involved in what we do, but nothing that would make any kind of decent presentation.
Me - Well, I could send you one or two things, but they would be raw materials only - nothing "finished".
Sm - That's fine, but I need more than one or two.
Me - Well, that's just an unusual request......
Sm - I see how it goes. I'll pay for it.....if I HAVE to......
Me - I need to talk to the manager over that department. I'll have someone call you back.
So I go to our fill-in manger and explain. We're in agreement that if it were really a science project (and a crappy one at that), that we'd make the kid call himself. She calls back. (Fi = Fill in Manager)
Fi - You were calling for product samples? If you can narrow it down to two different types, I can send you some raw samples.
Sm - Is that all?
Fi - What kinds were you looking to talk about?
Sm - Rattles off tech specs like she's an expert all of a sudden.
Fi - Woah - that one kind you mentioned hasn't been used in years. I can't provide that.
Sm - Then just send the others instead. Are you going to make me pay for it?
Fi - Not if I can send just one or two small samples via regular mail.
Sm - I guess that will work.
Yeah - it's for your kid my foot!
There were more, but that's the cream of the crop of National Fruitcake Week. At least until National Fruitcake Week II next week - when it's full moon......
We have a small office, and we have one out on medical leave (manager). Unfortunately, it couldn't be the one that's allergic to work. I don't think she's picked up the phone all week, and without the manager there to tell her it's part of her job to answer and route calls, she just lets them go. I swear, every time I picked up, I got a weirdo.
These are the highlights (lowlights):
Fruitcake 1: You Know Everything
Me = Me
Wd = Weird Dude
Me - How may I help you?
Wd - Um, yeah, I need to buy some supplies but I don't know what to buy.
Me - Well, what do you need supplies for?
Wd - (launches into description)
Me - Ok, you need x, and y, but not z.
Wd - I know that.
Me - Ok, well what can I help you with?
Wd - How much do you give me with "x" product.
Me - You get (insert amount). I wouldn't advise buying any more because once you open the package, it degrades quickly.
Wd - Okay then. Wow - you know alot.
Me - That's what I'm here for. Is there anything else?
Wd - How (garbled - can't understand him).
Me - Did you ask me how long I've worked here?
Wd - No, but that's a great question! How long?
Me - Seven years.
Wd - WOW! You know everything!
Me - Again, thanks, but not even close. There are people here who have been with the company since day one.
Wd - Ok then. Bye!
My brain hurt after that one.
Fruitcake 2: That $1.50 Will Bankrupt My Company
Me = Me (duh)
Pl = Picky Lady
Me - May I help you?
Pl - Yeah, I buy stuff from you all the time. I need what I got last time.
Me - Can I have the name of your organization?
Pl - (gives me info). I need what I got last time. HELLO? Are you there?
Me - Yes, I'm looking up your information (as an aside, this irritates me - some people think that if you don't talk for 2 seconds that you've hung up)
Pl - Ok. Did you find it yet?
Me - You have 3 previous orders. The last one was 3 years ago (yep - frequent customer there). Which product?
Pl - It's (insert vague product description).
Me - That's not something you ordered before.
Pl - Yes, I have.
Me - Well, maybe I just can't find that order (which isn't true).
Pl - I have ann issue with your website.
Me - Ok. It's new and still has some glitches. What's the problem you are having?
Pl - I order one of these, and shipping is $29.25. When I order two, the shipping is $63. Why is there a difference?
Me - Well, when they ship two they band the packages together to ensure they don't get separated in shipping.
Pl - Well, then I'm just going to order it online and order 1 of them twice.
Me - I wouldn't advise that. There's all kinds of things that can go wrong. They can get separated, the system could kick it out as a duplicate, your credit card could reject it because it's the same amount twice (that does happen). I ran the shipping and $60 is the absolute best I can do. I'm sorry. (the shipping system online probably thinks the address is a residence, but she owns a legitimate business so I waived the residential fee that the shipper charges us).
Pl - Well, that's still $1.50 too much. I'm going online and placing 2 separate orders.
Me - Again, I would advise against that, but it is your choice.
Pl - Fine. Just go ahead, but I don't think it's right you overcharge by $1.50.
After I hung up, I scouted all her orders and she never once ordered what she was ordering. As a courtesy, I called her back and asked again if that was what she wanted, and was it possible she was confusing it with another product she ordered. Yep - she was confused. I told her the price would remain the same. She grumbled and hung up. Yeah - thanks for the thanks for you not getting the wrong product.
Fruitcake 3: I'm Too Busy!
Me = Me (again)
Wl = Whacko lady
Me - May I help you?
Wl - Yeah, I'm in my car driving down the road so I can't get to my computer but I want to buy something.
Me - What would you like to buy?
Wl - (Insert product).
Me - Were you planning on ordering it for "x"? It's not really suitable for that.
Wl - Yes, I was. Why not?
Me - Well, it's not designed for that, and using it for that could result in injury.
Wl - Why sell it?
Me - It's for (insert other purpose, for which it works just fine).
Wl - Well, that's what I'm using it for.
Me - Ok then. That's fine. I just wanted you to be aware of the issues.
Wl - Well then I don't want that one.
Me - Ok, well then.....
Wl - Wait - I have to get this.
At this time, I hear her put the phone down and WALK away (see above comment about driving). I'm about to hang up when she comes back.
Wl - That was my kid. He wants me to pick him up.
Me - (internally: and I care why?) Do you need to go (oh please please go)? You can call back later if you want.
Wl - No. He can wait.
Me - Ok. What were you using.....
Wl - Why can't I have that other one?
Me - As I explained, you can have it if you want, but .....
Wl - Well, I can't have people getting hurt.
Me - Ok, well what are you looking to......
Wl - (garbled - on a cell phone).
Me - I'm sorry, I didn't catch that?
Wl - (garbled)
Me - I'm sorry, I can't hear you. You're breaking up.
Wl - (garbled) wrong with the first one?
Me - I'm sorry. I only caught part of that.
Wl - WELL, I'M JUST TOO BUSY TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS AND I'M JUST TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW. GOODBYE!
Ummmm.....YOU called ME!
Fruitcake 4: It's For My Kid For School
Me = Me
Sm = Strange Mom
Me - May I help you?
Sm - I need samples of every product you have. It's for my kid.....for a science project.....he loves your stuff and wants to do a presentation about the different kinds of stuff you have.
As an aside, there is science somewhat involved in what we do, but nothing that would make any kind of decent presentation.
Me - Well, I could send you one or two things, but they would be raw materials only - nothing "finished".
Sm - That's fine, but I need more than one or two.
Me - Well, that's just an unusual request......
Sm - I see how it goes. I'll pay for it.....if I HAVE to......
Me - I need to talk to the manager over that department. I'll have someone call you back.
So I go to our fill-in manger and explain. We're in agreement that if it were really a science project (and a crappy one at that), that we'd make the kid call himself. She calls back. (Fi = Fill in Manager)
Fi - You were calling for product samples? If you can narrow it down to two different types, I can send you some raw samples.
Sm - Is that all?
Fi - What kinds were you looking to talk about?
Sm - Rattles off tech specs like she's an expert all of a sudden.
Fi - Woah - that one kind you mentioned hasn't been used in years. I can't provide that.
Sm - Then just send the others instead. Are you going to make me pay for it?
Fi - Not if I can send just one or two small samples via regular mail.
Sm - I guess that will work.
Yeah - it's for your kid my foot!
There were more, but that's the cream of the crop of National Fruitcake Week. At least until National Fruitcake Week II next week - when it's full moon......
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