We've all dealt with clueless customers... the ones who are totally puzzled by big words like "modem." We'll all dealt with helpless customers... the ones who want a tech to come out and change the channel for them. And we've all dealt with arrogant customers... the ones who like to pretend they're richer, smarter, and all around better than us.
Tonight I had the good fortune to meet a customer who combined all three into one fairly spectacular show...
Caller: You guys are having another internet outage!
Me: (Runs some tests) Maybe... somewhere... but not where you are. Everything looks great.
Caller: I'm telling you there's an outage.
Me: And I'm telling you that your modem is online and so are the modems of your 300 closest neighbors.
Caller: Well, my internet's not working. If you say there's not an outage, then fix it.
I ask the caller if he has a router... surprisingly, he seems to understand... sort of.
Caller: Yes... and I have a network.
Me: Great. Unplug the modem and the router from the electric, and shut a computer down.
Caller: (laughs dismissively) If you knew anything about networks, you'd know I can't do that.
Me: Um... why not?
Caller: (laughs dismissively again) This is not some toy, or a game. This is a vital communications network that people depend on.
Oh, good... I'm going to get some hear some fantastic tale of the incredible home-based business that takes in thousands of dollars a minute... alas, no such luck...
Me: Just what kind of network are you running on your residential internet account?
Caller: I have four computers. [Oh, gee whiz wow! I'm talking with the reclusive Mr. Novell Ethernet himself!] Again, if you knew anything about networks, you'd know it's impossible to shut something like down.
Me: I must admit, I've never heard that before.
Caller: They must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel for employees.
Me: Yeah... and I'm one of the better ones. Anyhow, I think it's entirely possible we can unplug the modem and router and it'll all be okay in the end.
Caller: Absolutely not. You need to fix it. That's what you get paid for. Let's see if you really know what you're doing.
Actually, I don't get paid enough to care about his network. And anyways, that's when I figured it out...
Me: You don't know which one is your modem and which one is your router, do you?
Caller: Ha, ha, ha. Blaming me for your lack of knowledge? You, sir, are an idiot. <click>
Whoa... he really stuck it to me, huh?
Tonight I had the good fortune to meet a customer who combined all three into one fairly spectacular show...
Caller: You guys are having another internet outage!
Me: (Runs some tests) Maybe... somewhere... but not where you are. Everything looks great.
Caller: I'm telling you there's an outage.
Me: And I'm telling you that your modem is online and so are the modems of your 300 closest neighbors.
Caller: Well, my internet's not working. If you say there's not an outage, then fix it.
I ask the caller if he has a router... surprisingly, he seems to understand... sort of.
Caller: Yes... and I have a network.
Me: Great. Unplug the modem and the router from the electric, and shut a computer down.
Caller: (laughs dismissively) If you knew anything about networks, you'd know I can't do that.
Me: Um... why not?
Caller: (laughs dismissively again) This is not some toy, or a game. This is a vital communications network that people depend on.
Oh, good... I'm going to get some hear some fantastic tale of the incredible home-based business that takes in thousands of dollars a minute... alas, no such luck...
Me: Just what kind of network are you running on your residential internet account?
Caller: I have four computers. [Oh, gee whiz wow! I'm talking with the reclusive Mr. Novell Ethernet himself!] Again, if you knew anything about networks, you'd know it's impossible to shut something like down.
Me: I must admit, I've never heard that before.
Caller: They must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel for employees.
Me: Yeah... and I'm one of the better ones. Anyhow, I think it's entirely possible we can unplug the modem and router and it'll all be okay in the end.
Caller: Absolutely not. You need to fix it. That's what you get paid for. Let's see if you really know what you're doing.
Actually, I don't get paid enough to care about his network. And anyways, that's when I figured it out...
Me: You don't know which one is your modem and which one is your router, do you?
Caller: Ha, ha, ha. Blaming me for your lack of knowledge? You, sir, are an idiot. <click>
Whoa... he really stuck it to me, huh?
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