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  • Vodka + New Priest

    Ree's religious jokes reminded me of this one!
    ************************************************** ****
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
    The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

    So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
    He proceeded to talk up a storm.

    Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

    1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

    2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

    3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

    4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

    5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

    6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

    7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy,Junior and the spook.

    8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

    9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

    10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

    11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".

    12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".

    13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

    14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
    ~*~"If your gift is that of serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, do a good job of teaching." -Romans 12:7~*~

  • #2
    Why you.....

    That joke just popped into my head the other day and I was going to post it, but never got around to it. You beat me to it!

    So get out of my mind already! It's filthy anyways!
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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    • #3
      Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
      So get out of my mind already! It's filthy anyways!
      hehehe... Answers we would have accepted include:

      "My mind is as clean as a brand new ATV that's just been driven through a mud course."

      And, my favorite... "Get your mind out of the gutter.... you're blocking my light."

      hehe
      hea·then [hee-thuhn] noun
      1. an unconverted individual that does not acknowledge the God of the Bible.
      2. an irreligious, uncultured, or uncivilized person.
      3. the children of NotSoInnocent.

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