Thank you and I'm sorry

[Kanalah]

Some of you guys know that I was raised by abusive parents. I was constantly told that I was worthless, stupid, ugly and I ruined thier lives. I used to hear "Why don't you make everyone happy and just kill yourself?" on a daily basis.

I'm still a bit confused that I'm still alive, to be honest.

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to the people here. You guys and gals have been so welcoming and friendly towards me. I've never seen so many nice people in one place before.

The sorry is because I'm still in the process of "fixing things", and sometimes I just try to avoid people, because I believe that by just being around, I cause other people pain. Also I cry a whole lot.

I wish I could just snap my fingers and make my brain work normally, but I know it's a long process in changing how I think. I just wanted to express my gratitude to the people here for being so loving and supportive.

[Dilorenzo]

The fact that you're actively in the process of trying to overcome your past speaks volumes, Kanalah.

[cashierbex]

I know I haven't been here long, but I am here now. If you just need to vent, feel free. We all have our problems. Everyone here is a community that just wants to help. Even if we are 1 foot away or 10000 miles away. Not trying to speak for other people here, but it just feels like that.

[RayvenQ]

Nothing to be sorry about Kana, you're turned out as a great person, despite the treatment by your parents, which is entirely to your merit and credit, you're also amazingly generous.

[MaggieTheCat]

*big hugs*

[Slayer]

I don't really know you, but just wanted to post that I'm thinking of you and giving you a hug. So *hug*.

[Eireann]

One of the hardest realizations to make is that we are not what other people say we are. When people abuse us, it's because they are abusive, not because we deserve it. When people praise us, on the other hand, unless they're trying to get something out of it, they are good, supportive people who can recognize quality when they see it.

I know how it is. My parents weren't like yours, but I've had quite a few abusers in my past. But that's in the past. Every day, I focus on being better and letting go of the abuse, whatever it is. I let go of them. I'm still working on forgiveness; when I start speaking it towards someone (not in person; just to myself) another face will come up, and I'll forgive that person next. It's not about saying that I deserved the abuse, or that the other person is being given permission to treat me badly again. Forgiveness is simply letting go, letting go of the anger and resentment and everything else, so I can live my life without those people hanging around my neck and continuing to cause me pain. I'm not giving them any more space in my thoughts or my life.

It took me some time to realize, too, that trying to fix outward things is pointless. We have to fix ourselves. That's where it all begins. It's not an easy process, and there have been times where I felt that I had failed utterly, but I kept going. Something kept me going. I still have a long way to go, but now I can appreciate the spring flowers and the buds on the lilac trees and my friends.

So ironic, that a site set up for complaints has attracted the warmest, nicest people in the world!

[shadowpanda]

Keep going, each day is a new day and it's good to cry sometimes :-) This is a wonderful and welcoming community and we all support eachother in times of need xx

[ArcticChicken]

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.

[Rapscallion]

You're not them - you're you. You are what you make of yourself. I'd like to see you continue posting.

Rapscallion

[Mytical]

I've said it a couple of times, and I will keep saying it until you believe it. You are an awesome person, I wish I had a quarter of your talent with quilts...I would consider myself very good if I did. If you ever need a reminder how amazing you are, I am just a PM away. *hugs*

[XCashier]

You have nothing to apologize for. Truth is, you're a decent and kind human being. Sometimes you have off days, everyone does, but you don't need to become a hermit. You've come a long way already, and shown that you are stronger and better than your abusers. We're all here for you, as you have been for many of us.

[Marmalady]

This is a wonderful community, Kanalah, I knew it anyway but it was brought home to me in full force when Myt was so ill, all the love and support not just for him but me as well.

You are an amazing person with a huge talent. I know that the voices you hear while growing up can take a long time to drown out, but we'll do our best to help you by shouting over them

[Bardmaiden]

This board is awesome and having recently had an experence where my sister posted on another and got shouted at for being stupid and basically attacked for her point of view grateful that CS is so well moderated which leads to the helpful and generous people staying.

Kana, I still look at the quilt you sent me every day and admire the work and love that went into it and ask you to remember the message you put on these quilts "You are loved" it has helped me in dark days may it remind you of this community and those who love you.

[Seraph]

/flomps on Kana

mrrt. Call me if you ever need to talk. I wuvs you, and you know it. :P