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Wherein I pick up a hooker

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  • Wherein I pick up a hooker

    I picked up a hooker. I think she was a hooker. I'm like 95% sure she was.

    So this happened back in January on the first weekend the quarter started. I was making excellent time on my paper route and was literally two blocks from being done when a crying woman approached my car. She told me that she was lost and her phone was dead and asked if I had a charger. I did not, but I let her borrow my phone.

    She told me she was from out of town and was visiting her sister who lived nearby, but she wasn't exactly sure of the address. She said they were at a party near [cheap motel I used to work at] and had gotten separated, and that she'd hitched a ride this far but now wasn't sure where to go. She said she was calling her friend because her sister "gets kinda messed up now and then" and hadn't been answering her phone.

    So she gets a hold of her friend, and it's this terrible connection, and her friend is giving her weird directions, but I think I can sort of follow them so I let her get in the car and we head off to try and follow the vague directions. Her friend told me to "turn right at the gas station" and we were like, coming from the interstate or going towards the interstate? But her friend was always "just turn right at the gas station." Okay that's helpful....

    So as we're driving around trying to follow these lame directions, this crying gal is on my phone telling her friend how they were actually at [cheap motel I used to work at] and how "everything got f**ked up and I think [sister] got arrested and please just tell me how to get to the apartment! I'm with this woman and she has to get back to her job and she's overhearing everything just please tell me where to go!"

    And as I'm overhearing about the motel and the cops, I start to realize that her "sister" is probably not biologically related.

    Her friend tells us she'll text us the address because we end up hella lost trying to follow her stupid directions. The gal tells me the name of the apartment complex is "Village-something" and after some quick Googling I find a "Something-Village" that is in the general neighborhood so we head there. Along the way the gal tells me how her dad died a few months prior and she was freaking out because she was lost and no one was around (it being 5am on a Sunday morning) and how she just tried to pray to her late father and then I showed up. It was a kinda sad, kinda sweet story.

    Eventually we find the apartment complex. She goes to where she thinks it is and some guys answer the door, and she gives me the thumbs-up signal that it's the right place, so I left to finish my route.

    I later looked up what went down at [cheap motel]. Apparently a fight broke out that involved a woman taking a tire iron to a parked car. I wonder if that was her "sister".

    And that's the story of how I helped a lost probably-hooker.
    Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • #2
    She knew you had a job you had to get back to and respected that. This right there puts a hooker (if that is indeed what she was and not just someone a little enthusiastic about the makeup) on a higher tier of "descent human being" than a lot of business owners in fancy suits.
    "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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    • #3
      This town is so classy. People are also... odd about giving directions. First, some main streets go north/south and I've had almost-arguments about it. I'll say "You go north on Main Street" and they'll interrupt and say "Main Street goes East/West." Really dude, you just asked for directions and now you know better than me? You want me to pull up Google Maps right now to prove you wrong? But I can't because I'm at work.

      Or the person will be from out of the country, not know anything other than where I-5 is, yet still expect me to give complicated directions to a location across town. Doubly frustrating when they can't understand something as simple as "get back on I-5 going north, then get off at the Mall exit." Triply frustrating since our store has free wifi now, so they could check a map instead of pestering me.
      Replace anger management with stupidity management.

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      • #4
        Quoth WishfulSpirit View Post
        She knew you had a job you had to get back to and respected that. This right there puts a hooker (if that is indeed what she was and not just someone a little enthusiastic about the makeup) on a higher tier of "descent human being" than a lot of business owners in fancy suits.
        Yeah I mean she was cool, at least she acted cool to me, even though she left my car smelling like booze and weed. People she seemed to hang with did not seem as cool though.
        Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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        • #5
          Quoth notalwaysright View Post
          ...I'll say "You go north on Main Street" and they'll interrupt and say "Main Street goes East/West."
          In my area, the main north/south streets actually go almost directly east/west. Elsewhere, they do turn, and the termini of the streets (and highways) are to the north and to the south of here, but at this point they actually do run just about east/west.

          Yes, it's confusing. I usually tell people directions relative to landmarks, such as the Bay or the Hills.
          “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged.
          One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world.
          The other, of course, involves orcs." -- John Rogers

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