Anyone feel like this too, or am I the only one?

[ShadowBall]

Apparently I have an interview next week at a convenience store/gas station that just re-opened, but I already know I'm not going to get the job. Why? Well my mother decided to go down there and ask if I could apply. I can only imagine what they think of me. "This girl is 25 and needs her mommy to find her a job...she probably can't work without Mommy holding her hand either."

Also tried a temp agency, but they seem to specialize only in hard labor. I'm not very physically strong and I don't feel like taking a job and herniating myself and then getting fired the first day because I take five hours to move a pile of cinder blocks seven feet. I'm not trying to be picky, but I just know my limits and I don't trust myself to do shit like working with chemicals or welding or lifting heavy stuff.

I actually feel content staying cooped up at home - is it bad that I have no desire to not go outside? Not out of depression, but just because? I truly do enjoy being a homebody and I think that's one of many reason why I have zero desire to work, not to mention that I feel I can work from home (even if it pays shit). That and I hate having no time alone when I am employed - at work I have to deal with asshole bosses, asshole co-workers and asshole customers. Then I come home and deal with my asshole mother. Not working means I get time to myself and some glorious silence with only one asshole at the end of the day.

I can't guarantee success, but I can only try (fuck Yoda - trying is the road between doing and not doing ). I just know not to get my hopes up because I know I will inevitably fail at everything I do. I just really don't think there is anything I could take seriously enough to do on a regular basis, paid or not. I get my small obsessions now and then, but I often lose interest quickly in stuff in general. I just know I'm gonna do a half-assed job at everything unless I sincerely want to do it for myself (or for someone I care about), and there's hardly anything I can say fits that criteria. It's damn hard to build myself back up when I gave up on pretty much everything a long time ago; those who have responded may know how impossible it is to say, "I can do it" without feeling like you're lying to yourself.

On the upside, I have been busying myself a bit more with art and just kind of playing around making tattoo designs (for potential tats for me and just in general). It's nice to draw again and to WANT to draw.

[Rapscallion]

I actually feel content staying cooped up at home - is it bad that I have no desire to not go outside?

Yes.

Put it this way. Are you going to want to stay at home, clean the house, be available for some guy's sexual needs, cook for him, etc? I have to ask, as that's the only way you're going to be able to afford to go through life.

Even staying at home costs.

Rapscallion

[Ree]

I think some of the members are starting to get frustrated, and some of that is coming through in the comments.
Please, people, as disheartened as we may get at the lack of action on the OP's part, we do still have to remember that one basic CS rule of
While we do want Shadowball to improve her lot in life so we don't have to keep reading these types of posts that leave us feeling powerless to help, I think we are just going to have to take it as a fact of life where this member is concerned.

Shadowball,

You have some mental and emotional issues that the members of our board are not qualified to help with.
We have a great group of armchair psychologists, and a wonderful bunch of very caring people who are willing to offer a shoulder, but that's all we can do, and I think that is becoming very frustrating for many of us.

We see someone sitting on a hot stove, crying about the terrible burns she's getting, and we keep shouting, "GET THE HELL OFF THE STOVE...NOW!!!" but what we are hearing is, "Oh, but it's just so warm and cozy, I hate to move, and look, I can cook my dinner while I sit."

We can read your vents and tell you that, yes, your life sucks, but seriously, there is not much more that anyone here can offer, short of driving to your home and physically taking you to a qualified therapist to work out your codependency issues with your mother, your apathy toward life in general, your seemingly agoraphobic tendency, your lethargic and lackadaisical view toward employment and financial stability, and your fear of independence.

So, yes, we have always had a policy where we allow our members to vent and get support, and we want that to continue.
We never want to find out that a member was feeling so despondent and alone that they felt they had no other choice but to end it all.

I suspect that nothing is going to change with you, and we are always going to be reading the same types of post over and over again on here, and that's fine.
That's who you are.

You're the one who has a crappy life and complains about it, but you aren't the one who is willing to take any advice or make any effort to change the situation.

I think our members are going to have to just accept that and either stop offering advice, or try to be more understanding that any advice offered is going to be met with numerous reasons as to why it will not work and just hang in there.

[ShadowBall]

Well if people are so frustrated, no one's making them respond. I expect some number of responses like, "Oh just skip out without a plan or money or a place to live, tee hee!" because I realize some people simply cannot understand things from my perspective. And I don't mind; there are people I don't understand either and my advice to them might not be helpful or practical or realistic. It happens.

I think my initial concern was addressed and my question of, "What can I do to not feel like this?" was answered in some ways I thought were of use. And I'm grateful for all advice and suggestions, both the kind I could use and the kind I could not. Is there a feature on this site that allows people to ignore members? If so, I may suggest those who don't feel like reading my posts to just make anything I say invisible.

Sometimes it's venting and bitching that is the real therapy...not so much being told what to do (I asked for it in this case, so that doesn't apply here totally), but just flat-out ranting and hearing from others who can say, "I know what you mean." Hell if I understand it, but that alone can help.

Dammit I took four psychology classes in undergrad - I ought to be able to give myself therapy. I knew I should have taken that abnormal psych class.

[ExArtShopSlave]

Sorry if this is a bit off topic, but...

I've been lurking a little bit on this thread. As you've mentioned dozens of times, you like to draw and write. Have you tried other sites such as freelance.com, elance.com or even Craigslist? I used to be a freelancer myself, in the world of 3D models. A client that I did quite a bit of work for was found on Craigslist. As you know, with these sites, you do have to be careful, as there are scammers out there but there are also a lot of legit people/companies looking for an artist. You just really have to look. I am not sure what you'll find for writing or drawing, but it worked for me, so I think its worth a try. Some places may also allow you to work from home too.

I am in no way familiar with your town, but is there perhaps an art gallery? If so, it might be worth checking out for jobs or even volunteer work. I worked in an art store for a couple years, and let me tell you, I met a lot of interesting people there. Some of which I even did work for.

As I studied 3D Animation/Design in college, I know a few people that work in the field. Most of them, (myself included, to an extent) had to move to another city and even province to get their desired jobs. Heck, a good friend of mine moved to different provinces three times within last five years, just to find 'That Job.' So, yes, its doable but may require you to come out of your comfort zone.

Anyways, just some thoughts and ideas. Sorry if this is long and out of place.

-ExArtShopSlave.

[Rapscallion]

Dammit I took four psychology classes in undergrad - I ought to be able to give myself therapy. I knew I should have taken that abnormal psych class.

Would you say it's worked so far?

Rapscallion

[ShadowBall]

Yup, tried both those sites and found them to be a pain in the neck. I don't remember the exact issue...I think maybe a membership fee or them not liking that I don't have a "physical" address or not having a "valid" cell number because I have a prepaid phone. Some stupid shit.

ELance looked promising, but I couldn't join for the aforesaid reasons. Craigslist is just a pain right in my ass too...I may send out a couple dozen resumes and sample sheets to people and never hear anything back. If I do, the person will run for the hills when I mention I expect payment or I want them to sign a contract. I've gotten two legit clients off CL since 2005.

The problem with my art, I know, is that I don't do anything that sets me apart from everyone else artistically. And when you're one of the dime-a-dozen artists, you have to do the same work cheaper than the other people in order to get hired. And then it's not even worth it when you're illustrating an entire children's book for 25 cents a page and the client still tries to haggle the price down.

So you can probably see why I've given up on doing art for a living - I refuse to pour my heart and soul into something for someone else for pennies. There are times I have even offered to do work for free (usually for charity events) and either got turned down or the person I did the work for didn't even thank me for it.

I know it's not all about money, but if I'm going to fine-tune my style and work out of my comfort zone for some asshole, I want to be compensated fairly for my time, efforts, and materials. And I don't want to move to some big city like NYC to find a job and then have professionals clarify how much I suck and, oops, I'm stuck in a huge and expensive city with no job and then I'll be even more fucked than before.

Sadly, there are no galleries around here. Nothing for hand-drawn art anyway - the local archaeological center has a jewelry exhibit, but that's about it. I swear if I knew for a fact reincarnation was for real, I would blow my brains out and start fresh in another life. Surely it'd be a hell of a lot better than this one. If I could come back as a house cat, I would be so happy - wouldn't need to work and I could do nothing but eat, sleep and clean myself all day. That would be ideal for a lazy piece of shit like myself.

ETA: So much for that interview. For some reason, my mother told me that I was to turn in my application and then I would be interviewed that very same day. Weird, but whatever. Nope, turns out I was just to turn in the application and then it would be reviewed in the normal way and I would get called for an interview if I seemed like a good candidate for the job. Well I felt silly showing up ready for an interview (and telling an employee I was there for one) and being told to GTFO after 30 seconds. Eh well, they looked pretty heavily staffed already, so I doubt I'll get hired anyway.