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things to say on last day of work...

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  • #1

    things to say on last day of work...

    ok I know I started this type of thread with "Wirty Dords customers don't like to hear"....this one is a slight twist.

    things to include are
    1. things you WANT to say that will still not get you in legal trouble
    2. no cursing unless appropriate


    I'll start....
    "I'm sorry I cannot see when your deposit will be released to your card, my magic crystal ball was broken by the last level of stupidity from the previous caller"

    "oh of COURSE! let my wave my magic wand and make all those pesky gas holds/pending transactions be magically released!"

    "of course I have a direct line to see why they released only $xxx onto your account rather then $zzz....mind holding while I consult the bones and then conjure up a few spirits?"

    "Thank you for calling (my company) this is Sarlon, how may i mess up your account today?"

    anyone is welcome to add lets make this interesting but clean of course.
    Last edited by Sarlon; 01-27-2012, 03:58 AM.
    It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    "I'm sorry sir, I don't speak idiot. Is there anyone there who can translate?"
    "You keep saying "unacceptable." I do not think that word means what you think it means."

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    • #3
      "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't help you with your current problem. People with cranial rectal inversion syndrome should consult a proctologist. And the vegetable oil aisle at your local supermarket...it'll help the extraction process"

      *Cue up boombox with Johnny Paycheck's working ode, "TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT*, dance all around the school

      "I weep for our future generations if people of your analytical skill level and inability to retain even the most simple of concepts are in charge of their education"

      (I work in a public middle school, 11-14 year olds, as the tech guy)

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      • #4
        " I know, I understand, it seems like I'm the only one who understands you. I'm sorry your owner doesn't pay attention to you and doesn't get that not making you behave affects your health cause you end up more stressed. Apparently she isn't as smart as you or I."

        "Thank god I'm getting out of this soul sucking, hell hole and out into the world where people don't yell because we are overwhelmed while she is out enjoying her boat over half the year."

        Both said the last day of work, to my boss's dogs, (technically she was a client, since she was SUPPOSED to pay us like a client and when we were taking care of her pets we should treat her like one, but better. While I doubt she paid us at all, I made sure to treat her like one, one I hated.) ignoring the fact she has hidden cameras with sound all over the office. Though considering I flipped off one of the cameras as I left, I doubt they are working or she checks them, cause she called me the next day with her fake caring voice telling me how I was her best employee and she will truly miss having me around. If she saw it, she would have yelled, her bitch switch flips too easily for her not to have yelled for that. While I might have been one of the best, her missing me is only cause of the dollar signs she lost. 3 daily clients walked when I left, a fourth left shortly after when my replacement was asked where I was.
        Last edited by Squeaksmyalias; 01-27-2012, 01:10 PM.
        I'm the 5th horsemen of the apocalypse. Bringer of giggly bouncy doom, they don't talk about me much.

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        • #5
          Good thread. I think it worthy of General Work Chat.

          Rapscallion

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          • #6
            "No. Just, no. You can't do it. See, I can get away with saying it because it's my last day here and I've had to endure months of people like you trying to scam the system and get something for nothing. So no, you're not going to get what you want this time. Ha ha.. haaaa ha HA HA, ha ha... "

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            • #7
              -No, I'm sorry, your internal issue that is stopping you from paying this invoice is NOT my problem. You had three days to tell us there was a shortage and you didn't (and there isn't a shortage anyway - you just haven't booked it in). Five months on and if you were any other client I would have sued you by now.
              I am so SO glad I was not present for this. There would have been an unpleasant duct tape incident. - Joi

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              • #8
                "You want to talk to my supervisor?
                You mean my superior? The person above me? The person over me right now?
                ....your mom?"

                Okay, juvenile, I know, but the amount of satisfaction would be WORTH it!

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                • #9
                  "Ask your Kid how to fix the computer and stop bothering me when i'm eating."
                  "It's all so clear to me now."

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                  • #10
                    "We're full... what do you mean I haven't asked the dates, I don't need to; we're full. Forever."
                    "So you think they named this ship the "Chimera" because there's a monster on board?" Tony DiNozzo

                    "They did not name it the puppy" Ziva David - NCIS, Chimera

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                    • #11
                      Quoth EyeTeaGuy View Post

                      *Cue up boombox with Johnny Paycheck's working ode, "TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT*,
                      I actually did this at one place I worked, but it was a jukebox, not a boombox. I played it over and over that last night!!
                      Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.

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                      • #12
                        To the customers: "Yeah that's right, we're the only game in town, whatever, wow, what an original comment. And for the love of god learn the difference between an email address and a website!"

                        To certain higher-ups who shall remain nameless: "The computer system you bought is a piece of shit. It was designed by idiots and it will always be a piece of shit. Have fun with it."
                        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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                        • #13
                          "When I take your company to Small Claims Court for failing to pay, I shall make sure the paperwork contains your name, so your boss knows why he's getting sued, and why he has to waste a day in Small Claims Court, where he is not allowed to send a lawyer instead. This may have a career-limiting effect."

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                          • #14
                            Directly to owner:

                            "I feel sorry for you. You've reached your forties without realizing that yelling at the people in your employ isn't managing, it is BULLYING. They cannot fight back. And it is one of the most disrespectful, dehumanizing, demoralizing, and COWARDLY things in the world to do. Seriously, get some help for your self-esteem issues. Having someone on your payroll is supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Serfdom and slavery ended a long time ago."

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                            • #15
                              And from the "Going out in Style" vault:

                              My dad had a friend who had been a life-long master carpenter. He retired, partied and said good-bye to the current crew on Friday. On Monday he showed up at the site. Rolled down his window. Poured a coffee from his thermos. Fired up a smoke. Unfolded his newspaper and started reading, glancing at everyone working away from time to time. Did this for a WEEK.
                              Told my dad he never wanted to waste a minute pining over what he'd retired from, so he was giving himself a little reminder right off the bat.

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