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  • Gonna have a bit of weeble here...

    I'm mainly writing this because I've been up for an hour crying and unable to sleep and I think this will get it off my chest. Some TMI for girlyness...



    So mum's fibroid. Bob.

    Mum got to see the consultant today and the news is bad.

    A few weeks back, Mum was pretty much assured (backed up by our research) that in the case of a hysterectomy, she'd be able to keep her ovaries. 30 years ago, when her mother had a fibroid and a full-hysterectomy, she turned over night into, well, "The Wicked Witch of the West", Mum put it. Mum doesn't want that, and she was told, oh its ok, you can keep your ovaries and you'll still have female hormones.

    But Bob is just too big. Her uterus is the size of a peach and Bob is the size of a grapefruit. and he's just too tied into everything. Its not safe for them to remove him at this size. He's actually grown in the last month, and he's just feeding off her hormones. (He's also making her lose weight and given her anaemia).

    So over the next 3 months, they're going to give her injections to induce menopause, as it will make Bob shrink. Then they'll give her the surgery.

    I feel so terrible for her. She's never been a very confident lady, but I tell you all now, she's beautiful. She's always considered herself fat and ugly, and she's not, she's tiny and she's lovely. She takes great pride in her appearance to make herself feel better and the result is she's gorgeous even though she doesn't realise it. Even my fiance has made a couple of naughty remarks about how he knows how I'm gonna turn out gorgeous like her too! I hate to see what happens when the facial hair kicks in or something, it'll devastate her.

    But then there's the hormones, changing her moods. I've lived through Mum being hormonal before, hell, to paint you a picture, I've lived through mum living with untreated Post-Natal-Depression (during which she tried to kill my Dad- yet that bloke married her twice anyway!). I feel terrible FOR her but now I'm scared of how she'll be over the next 3 months.

    They've also got a non-refundable cruise booked that they can't go on because its too soon after the surgery. She's allowed to go on hormones after that, but I may have to take time off work to look after her (if I have a job by then).

    And then the surgery. Apparently the hospital has improved over the years but its had a bad rep in the past, and was also where my grandfather died 10 years ago. Mum is terrified of dirt and stuff and a bit OCD so she keeps saying she wants to take Dettol with her. And the surgery is scary enough too.

    I feel so guilty for being worried for how hard things will be for me and Dad, because its not going to be Mum's fault, and she already worries so much about us. But I'm a wibbly bunny and Dad has been known to take out his frustrations on me in the past. I don't cope well really.

    I have to say, the consultant sounds like he was ACE. He laughed at my Mum's nervous jokes and made her feel comfortable. He called the fibroid Bob consistently, going along with what mum does. They even had a joke when my Mum had to have an internal and a female nurse was bought in to "chaperone", to which Mum joked "oh its ok, nurse, I won't hurt the doctor!" They all had a laugh apparently. Apparently he was great at just listening to her concerns and explaining everything, and making her feel relaxed. Someone clone this man!

    Oh and he told mum that he wouldn't make her sign the forms authorising the removal of her ovaries yet. It has to be done, but he knows she's too emotional at the moment. He's very considerate.

    I just wish our GP had been a little more forth-coming with the full range of possibilities...but then again maybe I'm just looking for someone to blame?

    What also worries me is that this is my nan, and now my mum...(I've seen how badly my Nan aged after menopause too, she was beautiful as a young lady, but menopause hit her hard, I worry mum will break down if her looks really go badly...). Could it be my turn for all this unhappiness in 20 years time?

    I'm going to try and find some like diet tips and things like different remedies to ease menopause, on her request. I also thought for her birthday, if I could get the money together, I might try and buy her some sort of spa day or makeover thing, so she can get pampered and lovelied and feel better about herself.

    My biggest problem now is just how to get back to sleep. I guess I'll tackle everything us in the morning

    Sorry for the wibbling. I feel like such a twat. Super praises for the awesome consultant though!

  • #2
    Wibble away.

    Make an account with hystersisters, they are very sympathetic over there and chances are you can find someone there who has experience with their own Bob.

    I am 50 years old, and had a hysterectomy a couple years ago. Trust me, losing my ovaries has not changed me all that much, at your mums age, the hormones have been decreasing naturally. If Bob is that advanced, chances are that your mum is already firmly into perimenopause, and would notice very little change. To be honest, other than losing the horrible bleeding, ,pain and hormone swings the other main effect is the very natural thinning of the tissues of the vaginal vault. I no longer have any sort of mood swings, no real increase in hair or lack of hair [funny that - some women get harrier, some women lose hair from the same lack of ovaries. Bodies are funny!] no weight gain or loss ... just an increase in quality of life.

    My mother in law is a nurse, and she opted not to have any sort of hormone replacement when she hit menopause, as many of her co-workers have done. You have got to go through menopause at some point in time and they feel that one might as well get it over with as there are hazards with long term hormone replacement therapy.

    Feel free to pm me, of course. Medical issues even if they are not your own are seriously stressful! Wibbling at someone can be a great help =)
    EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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    • #3
      My mother's appearance hasn't changed much due to menopause (much more due to her efforts to improve her health - and her FINALLY getting appropriate help with it!).

      My grandmother, I only ever knew after her menopause. But she was beautiful, even when she was dying. Oh, sure, some of the beauty in her was her personality; how she held her body, how her wrinkles had come in (smile rather than frown wrinkles, and so forth). But some was just .. she was beautiful.

      My best friend's mother doesn't take the sort of intense care with her appearance that you describe for your mother: she's sort of 'buy clothes that fit right, then just toss them on' for clothing choice, and her 'beauty' routine would better be described as 'hygeine and basic grooming'.
      In other words: she's fine, she just doesn't do the lipstick/manicure/eyebrow-plucking sort of grooming.
      She shows no moustache or anything like that; she's a handsome sort of woman who could be 'pretty' if she chose to be.


      Anyway: I think I'm trying to reassure you that menopause is not 'loss of beauty' or 'automatically turning into the bearded lady' or anything.
      Seshat's self-help guide:
      1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
      2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
      3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
      4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

      "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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      • #4
        I had a hysterectomy in 94 due to fibroids and they took my ovaries, also. I was on medication to stop my periods for 3 months as I was severely anemic and they couldn't do the surgery until my blood count was up. The way the dr described it was that it was like a mini menopause. Yes, I was very emotional but it really only lasted the 1st month and then it stopped. Also, the dr put me on premaren right after surgery. My dr down here was slowly weaning me off so it wasn't too bad.
        "They gave me a badge with my name on it. In case I forget who I am." Dr Who - Closing Time

        "I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage-Mythbusters

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        • #5
          Ladies, thank you. I'm already feeling a teeny bit better, and when Mum feels a bit better to talk about it, I'm going to pass on what you've told me to her. I actually feel a tiny bit silly about it myself now. Its something that will happen to all of us. I think the fact its going to be so quick is just a bit shocking. But thank you all, really xxx

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          • #6
            I don't have much to add to this, except that my mum went thru menopause recently & she doesn't seem to have changed a bit in appearance.

            I do wish you & your familiy all the best for going thru this tough time tho
            Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum! - Don't you dare erase my hard disk!

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            • #7
              My mother had a hysterectomy at age 49. She had hot flashes but I think those would have come anyway. Her appearance really wasn't affected--no noticeable increase in facial hair or anything like that. In fact she had very few wrinkles even into her 70's! Everyone always thought she was years younger than she really was.

              One thing that ages you is stress and worry. So once "Bob" is gone, your mom will be able to relax a lot more, and feeling good does wonders for your looks! I love your spa idea. Go for it, and treat yourself as well! A mother-daughter spa day sounds like heaven.
              When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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              • #8
                Talk with the doctor; if the medication works well and she's feeling better, it might be possible to postpone the surgery until after the cruise.

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                • #9
                  I had my hysterectomy at age 39, they took ovaries and all. I was on HRT for about a year, then just got tired of changing the patch every 2.5 days and went off of it.

                  The relief at the ending of the pain and all of the suckiness of the fibroids, etc., more than made up for the occasional hot flash and a few chin hairs (which I had anyway).

                  Your mom will still be beautiful, but she will be less stressed, more herself and happier due to less pain after recuperating from her surgery. Her "Divorce" from Bob will be the best thing she ever did.
                  Remember, stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth kansasgal View Post
                    I had my hysterectomy at age 39, they took ovaries and all. I was on HRT for about a year, then just got tired of changing the patch every 2.5 days and went off of it.

                    The relief at the ending of the pain and all of the suckiness of the fibroids, etc., more than made up for the occasional hot flash and a few chin hairs (which I had anyway).

                    Your mom will still be beautiful, but she will be less stressed, more herself and happier due to less pain after recuperating from her surgery. Her "Divorce" from Bob will be the best thing she ever did.
                    I second this!
                    "They gave me a badge with my name on it. In case I forget who I am." Dr Who - Closing Time

                    "I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage-Mythbusters

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                    • #11
                      And I third it. But that does not diminish your feelings in any way.
                      Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

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                      • #12
                        My aunt went through something very similar while still in her thirties. It actually turned out very well for her, as her mood swings stopped, she no longer worried about getting pregnant, and she just felt better.

                        I do wish your mother the best (surgery is not fun), but she will probably feel so much better not long after the surgery that you'll be surprised.
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                        • #13
                          I'm 34 and have been without my ovaries since I was 30 or so. In my case, it wasn't due to fibroids but benign tumors, but the result was the same. I've been on HRT ever since and, honestly, I feel thousands of times better than I did when I was younger and the tumors hadn't even developed yet.
                          Don't wanna; not gonna.

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                          • #14
                            Thank you, everyone, I have passed on your words of encouragement to Mummy Rabbit and I would like to hope in some small way she feels comforted.

                            She's very scared at the moment. A little over a fortnight ago, she had her hormonal implant inserted into her tummy, and its gotten to work quickly; a bit too quickly for her liking. She had a week of very pronounced stomach cramps as though she were on her period, but it wasn't until the following week that she actually bled, and it was a lot, bless her (anaemia has been a problem also).

                            She's also starting to get hormonal. She has managed to keep her temper very well reigned, she's more emotional than anything, crying at sad news stories (I think she might have even teared up during Kung Fu Panda 2 earlier! Very unlike her!). She's very worried about lashing out at people, and feeling very strained and scared. We're just telling her to do what she feels is best for herself (her job has been warned, but is apparently not helping much, although the manager has offered her 2 hour shifts after she comes back after recovering from surgery- a very good idea, I thought).

                            She was alarmed by the increase in sex drive I did warn her about that though haha! Dad is amused by it. He keeps making jokes which seems to help her through it.

                            She is having difficulty seeing ahead right now, but before the hormones really kicked in, she seemed comforted by the fact so many of you described feeling great after the surgery was done with.

                            She's due to go on a cruise 8 weeks after the surgery (shes going to power-rest during her 6 week recovery), so I suspect that the holiday may actually be very well timed and she may come back feeling...well...like a new woman!

                            Thank you everyone...we have a long way to go yet, but I appreciate everyone's kind words and support

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