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A Night(club) of Idiots Part Deux: Hands Off!

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  • A Night(club) of Idiots Part Deux: Hands Off!

    Back with more tales of idiocy on the dancefloor

    Don't touch me

    Yeah, that's right, there is no need to touch me at all. Sure I expect the occasional bump and nudge as I move across the floor, or a tap on the shoulder asking for s photo, but in no way are any of the following appropriate; grabbing my arm, kicking my elbow, pinching my kidney, groping or feeling me up, or trying to open my belt and jeans on the floor...

    I wish I could say it was just drunk girls doing this, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that I appreciate the attention, but I'm 100% off the market, and guys groping me, well that's just not something I enjoy...

    Oh and if you're too drunk to see straight, grabbing at my camera to see the photo I'm showing won't help, so don't touch. I’d rather keep it free from drool, beer, lipstick or whatever else is on your hands.

    Mind your manners

    I respond to excuse me, my name (regulars know me by now)or some variety of camera/photo man/guy/dude etc. I do not respond to OI!, hey you, c*nt, or any other name.

    "Please" goes a long way too if you want a photo of your two dozen mates scattered across the venue, as I’m less likely to wait around for you to collect your mounted and intoxicated mates if you simply demand that I “stay right there!”

    You’re not cool, bro

    You all know the type, tight (or no) shirt, hair glued in place so permanently that when archaeologists in 20,000 years dig up their bones they’ll be amazed at how perfectly each strand is preserved. The type who’s ego is only matched by the inverse of their IQ.

    The type of guy who wants a photo of just himself, pulling some stupid stunt. I, however, get to be the lucky one to tell him (loudly enough that his mates and anyone else nearby hears) that a photo of him on his own makes him look like a loser. Also the same type of guy who tries to photobomb*, pulling exactly the same type of stupid face, only to get a slow shake of the head from me as I wait for him to bugger off and the people I’m taking a photo of laugh at him.

    And finally, the type of guy who likes to stick up the middle finger in any photo or show of “the guns," whether he’s a subject or trying to photobomb. Receives the same head shake of shame.

    Basically the type of guy who’s idea of an awesome photo is one that no one else wants to see, and doesn’t put the venue in a good light. I also have a “No Shirt, No Photo” rule I’ve had to bring out a few times in the past.

    *Photobombers can be fun, but you’ve gotta do something special to make it worth my while of taking the shot.

    *Side note: Regulars are fun
    Every venue has them. Once you’ve been working the same place for a while, you tend to get to know them. Sure there’s the regular trash, sleezebags and d*ckheads, but most of the time the regulars are pretty cool (otherwise they’d have been banned long ago).

    It makes the job fun, and it means that when I’m rocking’ my small 40mm lens (that protrudes about 2cm from the camera body) instead of my normal 24-70 (that’s about 20cm+ long) and one of them asks, “Where’s your big… thing?” I can respond with, “It’s cold alright?” and it’s all good fun.

  • #2
    I absolutely hate dudes and bros. I just want to write Douche across their forehead in eyeliner. Them and the Whooooo girls and the reason I really no longer like to go to my favorite night clubs

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    • #3
      I've ranted at length about my hatred of bros, but, at least now I have a pretty good idea what they're off doing... while I'm towing their car away for illegal parking.
      - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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      • #4
        We'd make a good team, I deny them bragging rights on the net and you deny them their ride home.

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        • #5
          Quoth prjkt View Post
          It makes the job fun, and it means that when I’m rocking’ my small 40mm lens (that protrudes about 2cm from the camera body) instead of my normal 24-70 (that’s about 20cm+ long) and one of them asks, “Where’s your big… thing?” I can respond with, “It’s cold alright?” and it’s all good fun.
          Damn, I can think of nothing but pure bravery taking a 24-70 in to an environment like that. I have enough trouble keeping peoples hands off my 70-200 when I shoot weddings, hate to think what it's like in a nightclub. In your situation, I'd be sticking with the 40mm pancake. At least it's cheap and easy to replace.
          Mytical: A SC? Make a mistake? Oh goodness no. Must have been the little pink men from the planet parsley in the butternut galaxy. We all know that SC's could NEVER make mistakes.

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          • #6
            Being tall, I usually just rest it on my shoulder, though the weight of a gripped 6D, lens and flash is annoying at times. I'm tempted to get the new 24mm pancake for my 600D (~38mm equiv) and use that instead for low requirement jobs.

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            • #7
              Quoth prjkt View Post
              We'd make a good team, I deny them bragging rights on the net and you deny them their ride home.
              And I show them no sympathy when they show up in the ER puking their guts up, or threatening them with a catheter if they don't pee RIGHT NOW! in the cup.
              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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              • #8
                Quoth registerrodeo View Post
                I just want to write Douche across their forehead in eyeliner.
                Sharpie. Eyeliner wipes away too easily. Not enough time to warn an appropriate percentage of the population.
                "If your day is filled with firefighting, you need to start taking the matches away from the toddlers…” - HM

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                • #9
                  Quoth prjkt View Post
                  I also have a “No Shirt, No Photo” rule I’ve had to bring out a few times in the past.
                  Only applying to the guys?
                  How ever do they manage to breathe for themselves without having to call tech support? - Argabarga

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                  • #10
                    Quoth registerrodeo View Post
                    I absolutely hate dudes and bros. I just want to write Douche across their forehead in eyeliner.
                    Quoth Crossbow View Post
                    Sharpie. Eyeliner wipes away too easily. Not enough time to warn an appropriate percentage of the population.
                    Does anyone make battery-operated tattoo guns?
                    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth wolfie View Post
                      Does anyone make battery-operated tattoo guns?
                      Of course they do. Battery Operated Wireless Tattoo Machine.
                      "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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                      • #12
                        Quoth wolfie View Post
                        Does anyone make battery-operated tattoo guns?
                        Surely we could make it happen if they don't. But unfortunately the authorities still frown on forcible tattooing, even if the receiver does truly deserve it.
                        Life: Reality TV for deities. - dalesys

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                        • #13
                          It's amazing the double standard that applies. OP mentions groping, feeling up, and attempted undressing by drunk women while he's on the job. Can you imagine the (justified) stink they'd raise if some random drunk guy tried this with THEM while THEY'RE on the job? Then why does society consider it no big deal when they get drunk and do it to OP?
                          Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth wolfie View Post
                            It's amazing the double standard that applies. OP mentions groping, feeling up, and attempted undressing by drunk women while he's on the job. Can you imagine the (justified) stink they'd raise if some random drunk guy tried this with THEM while THEY'RE on the job? Then why does society consider it no big deal when they get drunk and do it to OP?
                            Yes, I have to agree it's mind-boggling the double standards we have today and, come to think of it, that would be a great topic for Fratching.

                            I've never been a partyer type anyways. I've been to a couple of clubs back when I was in my younger days (first visit was when I was out for a girls' night w/one of my female coworkers when I was 19 and we found ourselves at a rather smoky, grungy looking pool hall. Second time was to one of those country themed nightclubs back in the mid 90's when line dancing was the rage) and really just didn't feel like I fit in with those types of folks.

                            I'm shy when I'm around new people, I get a bit paranoid in a crowd and if I had to deal with people bumping/puking/spilling stuff on me, then the wrath will be felt by the entire planet.

                            So if getting sloshed and making an ass out of yourself is considered a good time, then I'll just sit back and watch you . . . and make mental notes on how to work such a scene into a story. That would be my idea of a good time . . . watching idiots on parade, preferably from a safe distance.
                            Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                            • #15
                              Quoth TimmyHate View Post
                              Only applying to the guys?
                              Not necessarily.... I don't really like publicly shaming people (in that way at least)


                              Oh and don't get me started on screaming girls. The music isn't the only reason I wear earplugs.
                              "Take a photo of just me with this person, and now just me and this other person"
                              "No"
                              "But it's my birthday!"
                              "Then hire me to shoot your birthday and I will"

                              Seriously cannot stand birthday, or even worse, hens night groups - screaming, demanding, thinking the world revolves around them. They piss the DJs off too - "Why won't you play my (completely wrong genre/already played) sooooonnng. Waaah. I brought 10 people with me!"

                              "There's 300 people in the venue that don't want to hear that song...."

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