...no no, not those kind of quickies...just some brief sucky customer blurbs that have amused and disgusted me.
***
Me: I'm sorry sir, we don't have technicians available to assist you today.
SC: I understand. However, my wife is black and I will tell the press that you refused service to us because she is black, can you get a tech out now?
Me: Sir, we had no way of knowing your wife's ethnicity, and all of these calls are recorded, there is no way we will get a tech out there anytime soon.
SC: Why you racist son of a... [hangs up]
***
Me: Thank you for calling my name is ominous oat, how can I help you today?
SC: Where the hell is your technician?
Me, after getting account information: It looks like he was unable to make it out today due to several natural gas emergency calls and it was pushed forward to another date.
SC: That is unacceptable! No one should be considered more important than someone else, I want that technician out there today.
Me: Sorry, we can't do that, and according to the state of Mi...
SC: NO! Listen to me, I make more money in a minute than you will EVER make in an hour at any time in your life, and I will not tolerate this!
*call gets "accidentally" disconnected*
Funny, I thought no one was more important than anyone else? The funny thing is that all she needed was a furnace inspection, which in no way is an "emergency" since nothing is even wrong with it. Sigh.
Consequently I'm going to school to get a Ph.D in Neurosciences...but no, I doubt *THAT* will ever be a money maker...
***
Creepy Guy: I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady.
Me: Um, well I'm sorry I can't transfer you to any women. Can I help you?
CG: I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady.
Me: You'll have to hang up and try again then.
*click*
-a few moments later-
Fellow Male Associate: Hey! Did you just have a guy who insisted on talking to a lady?
ME: Yup.
FA: He just called again, he kept saying "I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady." So I told him he'd just have to hang up and try again.
Me: laughing
-a few moments later-
Another Male Associate accross the floor: HEY GUYS! I just got that guy who wants to talk to a laaaaaady!
Us: laughing.
-a few more moments later-
Female Associate: Augh! I just got this creepy guy who started off by saying "Are you a laaaaaady?."
Us: laughing.
FA: It's not funny! I had to hang up on him!
Us: Still laughing
"I wanna talk to a laaaaady." is now a call floor catchphrase.
***
Me: I'm sorry sir, I can't refund the amount of [willing overpaid portion of bill] to you within a week, and it may take upwards to two months.
SC: You WILL send that to me and it WILL arrive on [insanly close date] and it WILL be in that amount or I WILL be driving to your call center and I WILL HURT YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND! I WILL DRIVE DOWN THERE TO [supposedly confidential city and state] AND GET YOU!
(me, clearly alarmed since customer really shouldn't know where we are actually located)
Me: Sir, do you understand you just issued a terroristic threat against me? I am required to let you know this conversation is taped and will be reported to the local police in your area.
SC: I was jus' kiddin'! *click*
I did indeed contact the police in his area, and they will indeed be contacting him. He also didn't officially give me the word to send through that refund, so he's going to be sorely disappointed when it doesn't come through in a few weeks.
***
(not mine, but still fun)
SC: I EAT BREAKFAST WITH THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR COMPANY EVERY MORNING! AND I WILL BE SURE TO GIVE HIM YOUR NAME!
Associate: Uh huh, what is *his* name?
SC: *click*
***
[beep and boop are the sounds of a phone buttons being pressed, this happens more than I'd like to admit]
Me: Thank *beep* you for *boop* calling *beep* how can I *boop*
SC: Oh...hello...do you have my account number?
Me: No...
SC: *beep* *boop* *beep*
Me: [realizing the customer is entering their account number into the phone] *slaps head*
***
Me: I'm sorry sir, we don't have technicians available to assist you today.
SC: I understand. However, my wife is black and I will tell the press that you refused service to us because she is black, can you get a tech out now?
Me: Sir, we had no way of knowing your wife's ethnicity, and all of these calls are recorded, there is no way we will get a tech out there anytime soon.
SC: Why you racist son of a... [hangs up]
***
Me: Thank you for calling my name is ominous oat, how can I help you today?
SC: Where the hell is your technician?
Me, after getting account information: It looks like he was unable to make it out today due to several natural gas emergency calls and it was pushed forward to another date.
SC: That is unacceptable! No one should be considered more important than someone else, I want that technician out there today.
Me: Sorry, we can't do that, and according to the state of Mi...
SC: NO! Listen to me, I make more money in a minute than you will EVER make in an hour at any time in your life, and I will not tolerate this!
*call gets "accidentally" disconnected*
Funny, I thought no one was more important than anyone else? The funny thing is that all she needed was a furnace inspection, which in no way is an "emergency" since nothing is even wrong with it. Sigh.
Consequently I'm going to school to get a Ph.D in Neurosciences...but no, I doubt *THAT* will ever be a money maker...
***
Creepy Guy: I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady.
Me: Um, well I'm sorry I can't transfer you to any women. Can I help you?
CG: I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady.
Me: You'll have to hang up and try again then.
*click*
-a few moments later-
Fellow Male Associate: Hey! Did you just have a guy who insisted on talking to a lady?
ME: Yup.
FA: He just called again, he kept saying "I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady." So I told him he'd just have to hang up and try again.
Me: laughing
-a few moments later-
Another Male Associate accross the floor: HEY GUYS! I just got that guy who wants to talk to a laaaaaady!
Us: laughing.
-a few more moments later-
Female Associate: Augh! I just got this creepy guy who started off by saying "Are you a laaaaaady?."
Us: laughing.
FA: It's not funny! I had to hang up on him!
Us: Still laughing
"I wanna talk to a laaaaady." is now a call floor catchphrase.
***
Me: I'm sorry sir, I can't refund the amount of [willing overpaid portion of bill] to you within a week, and it may take upwards to two months.
SC: You WILL send that to me and it WILL arrive on [insanly close date] and it WILL be in that amount or I WILL be driving to your call center and I WILL HURT YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND! I WILL DRIVE DOWN THERE TO [supposedly confidential city and state] AND GET YOU!
(me, clearly alarmed since customer really shouldn't know where we are actually located)
Me: Sir, do you understand you just issued a terroristic threat against me? I am required to let you know this conversation is taped and will be reported to the local police in your area.
SC: I was jus' kiddin'! *click*
I did indeed contact the police in his area, and they will indeed be contacting him. He also didn't officially give me the word to send through that refund, so he's going to be sorely disappointed when it doesn't come through in a few weeks.
***
(not mine, but still fun)
SC: I EAT BREAKFAST WITH THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR COMPANY EVERY MORNING! AND I WILL BE SURE TO GIVE HIM YOUR NAME!
Associate: Uh huh, what is *his* name?
SC: *click*
***
[beep and boop are the sounds of a phone buttons being pressed, this happens more than I'd like to admit]
Me: Thank *beep* you for *boop* calling *beep* how can I *boop*
SC: Oh...hello...do you have my account number?
Me: No...
SC: *beep* *boop* *beep*
Me: [realizing the customer is entering their account number into the phone] *slaps head*
Comment