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  • Customer Service Quickies...

    ...no no, not those kind of quickies...just some brief sucky customer blurbs that have amused and disgusted me.

    ***

    Me: I'm sorry sir, we don't have technicians available to assist you today.
    SC: I understand. However, my wife is black and I will tell the press that you refused service to us because she is black, can you get a tech out now?
    Me: Sir, we had no way of knowing your wife's ethnicity, and all of these calls are recorded, there is no way we will get a tech out there anytime soon.
    SC: Why you racist son of a... [hangs up]

    ***

    Me: Thank you for calling my name is ominous oat, how can I help you today?

    SC: Where the hell is your technician?

    Me, after getting account information: It looks like he was unable to make it out today due to several natural gas emergency calls and it was pushed forward to another date.

    SC: That is unacceptable! No one should be considered more important than someone else, I want that technician out there today.

    Me: Sorry, we can't do that, and according to the state of Mi...

    SC: NO! Listen to me, I make more money in a minute than you will EVER make in an hour at any time in your life, and I will not tolerate this!

    *call gets "accidentally" disconnected*

    Funny, I thought no one was more important than anyone else? The funny thing is that all she needed was a furnace inspection, which in no way is an "emergency" since nothing is even wrong with it. Sigh.

    Consequently I'm going to school to get a Ph.D in Neurosciences...but no, I doubt *THAT* will ever be a money maker...

    ***

    Creepy Guy: I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady.
    Me: Um, well I'm sorry I can't transfer you to any women. Can I help you?
    CG: I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady.
    Me: You'll have to hang up and try again then.

    *click*

    -a few moments later-

    Fellow Male Associate: Hey! Did you just have a guy who insisted on talking to a lady?
    ME: Yup.
    FA: He just called again, he kept saying "I wanna' talk to a laaaaaady." So I told him he'd just have to hang up and try again.
    Me: laughing

    -a few moments later-

    Another Male Associate accross the floor: HEY GUYS! I just got that guy who wants to talk to a laaaaaady!
    Us: laughing.

    -a few more moments later-

    Female Associate: Augh! I just got this creepy guy who started off by saying "Are you a laaaaaady?."
    Us: laughing.
    FA: It's not funny! I had to hang up on him!
    Us: Still laughing

    "I wanna talk to a laaaaady." is now a call floor catchphrase.

    ***

    Me: I'm sorry sir, I can't refund the amount of [willing overpaid portion of bill] to you within a week, and it may take upwards to two months.
    SC: You WILL send that to me and it WILL arrive on [insanly close date] and it WILL be in that amount or I WILL be driving to your call center and I WILL HURT YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND! I WILL DRIVE DOWN THERE TO [supposedly confidential city and state] AND GET YOU!

    (me, clearly alarmed since customer really shouldn't know where we are actually located)

    Me: Sir, do you understand you just issued a terroristic threat against me? I am required to let you know this conversation is taped and will be reported to the local police in your area.

    SC: I was jus' kiddin'! *click*

    I did indeed contact the police in his area, and they will indeed be contacting him. He also didn't officially give me the word to send through that refund, so he's going to be sorely disappointed when it doesn't come through in a few weeks.

    ***

    (not mine, but still fun)

    SC: I EAT BREAKFAST WITH THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR COMPANY EVERY MORNING! AND I WILL BE SURE TO GIVE HIM YOUR NAME!

    Associate: Uh huh, what is *his* name?

    SC: *click*

    ***

    [beep and boop are the sounds of a phone buttons being pressed, this happens more than I'd like to admit]

    Me: Thank *beep* you for *boop* calling *beep* how can I *boop*

    SC: Oh...hello...do you have my account number?

    Me: No...

    SC: *beep* *boop* *beep*

    Me: [realizing the customer is entering their account number into the phone] *slaps head*
    Your dignity shredded in five minutes or less, or your abuse is free.

  • #2
    Beeping and Booping

    Quoth ominousoat View Post
    [beep and boop are the sounds of a phone buttons being pressed, this happens more than I'd like to admit]

    Me: Thank *beep* you for *boop* calling *beep* how can I *boop*

    SC: Oh...hello...do you have my account number?

    Me: No...

    SC: *beep* *boop* *beep*

    Me: [realizing the customer is entering their account number into the phone] *slaps head*
    Been there. Several times. I specifically remember two of them.

    Me: Thank you for calling to order (something stupid from TV), my name is HawaiianShirts. May I have your phone number, area code first please?
    Caller: *beep* *boop* *beep* (enters phone number into phone, making me pull my headphones away from my ears to prevent auditory damage).
    Me: ...Okay. Now can you TELL me your phone number please?
    Caller: *gasp* Omigosh! *click*

    And...

    Me: (Proceeds through script as normal to the credit card number. So far, the customer has been friendly, vocal, and apparently sane.) And may I have your credit card number?
    Caller: *beep* *boop* *beep* (again with the deafening touchtones).
    Me: I'll need you to tell me your credit card number, ma'am.
    Caller: Oh, no. If I tell you my number, you might go on a shopping spree with it or give it to one of your friends so he can steal my identity. No, no, no. This goes straight into your computer. *beep* *beep* *boop* (and she tries it again).
    - And so I argued with her for a few minutes about how that doesn't work. She demanded a manager. I don't think her order ever got placed.

    I can't say calls like that were my biggest pet peeve in the call center, but they were really annoying. Especially if I had just turned up my headset volume and smashed my headphones against my ear just to hear the last caller, but that's a complaint for another thread.
    I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
    - Bill Watterson

    My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
    - IPF

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth ominousoat View Post
      [beep and boop are the sounds of a phone buttons being pressed, this happens more than I'd like to admit]

      Me: Thank *beep* you for *boop* calling *beep* how can I *boop*
      This happens to me ALL THE TIME. I don't mind at the start, but once you hear me talking, STOP IT!

      And, oh yay! The return of the "you will!" customer. One of my favorites, for sure.
      "In the end I was the mean girl/or somebody's in between girl"~Neko Case

      “You don't need many words if you already know what you're talking about.” ~William Stafford

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth ominousoat View Post
        Me: I'm sorry sir, we don't have technicians available to assist you today.
        SC: I understand. However, my wife is black and I will tell the press that you refused service to us because she is black, can you get a tech out now?
        Me: Sir, we had no way of knowing your wife's ethnicity, and all of these calls are recorded, there is no way we will get a tech out there anytime soon.
        SC: Why you racist son of a... [hangs up]

        It's a pity he hung up. That's when you ask him to hold, and fill in a black (and if possible, female and disabled) co-worker on the situation.

        "Sir, I am about to transfer you to a black associate. I'm sure she will be able to give you the service you deserve."

        The co-worker then gets to vent years of frustration about the real discrimination they've suffered being ignored because of situations like this one. Yay!
        Seshat's self-help guide:
        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Seshat View Post
          It's a pity he hung up. That's when you ask him to hold, and fill in a black (and if possible, female and disabled) co-worker on the situation.

          "Sir, I am about to transfer you to a black associate. I'm sure she will be able to give you the service you deserve."

          The co-worker then gets to vent years of frustration about the real discrimination they've suffered being ignored because of situations like this one. Yay!
          Actually I am good friends with one of our black female associates here, I told her that story and I thought her head was going to explode at that guy's stupidity. If that does happen again though I'll certainly enlist her aid.
          Your dignity shredded in five minutes or less, or your abuse is free.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth ominousoat View Post
            ...no no, not those kind of quickies...just some brief sucky customer blurbs that have amused and disgusted me.

            ***

            Me: I'm sorry sir, we don't have technicians available to assist you today.
            SC: I understand. However, my wife is black and I will tell the press that you refused service to us because she is black, can you get a tech out now?
            Me: Sir, we had no way of knowing your wife's ethnicity, and all of these calls are recorded, there is no way we will get a tech out there anytime soon.
            SC: Why you racist son of a... [hangs up]

            ***
            That hurt my brain...
            Check out my webcomic!

            Comment


            • #7
              I want to speak to the owner

              I used to work for one of the cable companies as an assistant supervisor. We took all of the complaint calls. One went like this:

              Me: Thank you for calling. This is "nhollywood". I understand you are having some trouble, how may I help you?
              SC: I want a technician out here now.
              Me: (checking schedule) I'm sorry, a technician there the day after tomorrow.
              SC: I want to speak to the owner of your company.
              Me: I'm sorry ma'am I don't have the owner's number. (The owner is Paul Allen. You know, the guy who started Microsoft with Bill Gates.)
              SC: I can't believe that you wouldn't have the owner's number.
              Me: Ma'am, the owner is Paul Allen. He has several companies and asking for his number is like asking for Bill Gate's number. I don't have his number.
              SC: Bill Gate's number? I have Bill Gate's number.
              Me: Then call Bill Gate's and if he's a good friend then I'm sure that he'll give you Paul Allen's number.
              SC: *click"
              "If ignorance is bliss, then I work in Heaven."

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth ominousoat View Post
                Actually I am good friends with one of our black female associates here, [snipped] If that does happen again though I'll certainly enlist her aid.
                I'm sure she'll be delighted to help you!
                Seshat's self-help guide:
                1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

                Comment

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