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"This Could Hurt Someone"

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  • "This Could Hurt Someone"

    So, I'm sitting here at my desk, and the "Lady in Accounting" who shall be called Lia wandered up and shared this gem from the weekend.

    The scene: My company buys and sells just about anything we can lay our hands on. One of the places we sell is at specialized swap meets. One of those swap meets was this past Saturday. The owner, manager, and lackey #1 were all in attendance, as usual, and Lia went because she is married to the manager and enjoys helping out.

    The players:
    Lia - the lady in accounting
    Pita - the idiot looking at the widgets
    Widgets - one of the many items we were selling

    It's still early in the morning, and the rest of the crew has gone wandering to check out what other sellers have in case the boss wants to buy some undiscovered gem. It sometimes happens. It also sometimes happens that he buys back things we sold earlier in the day. *shrug*

    Pita comes up to the table and starts checking out the widgets. The widgets are electronic devices that have at least one component that could come loose inside, and at least some internal wiring and come in extruded-plastic casings. Other than that, I have no idea what they are or what they look like. We sell them for $3 each.

    He picks up the first widget. He shakes it. Hard. He puts it down. He then proceeds to go down the line of widgets and does the same exact thing to every single one of them. Every. Single. One.

    He finally finishes with that and holds one up. "This one's broken. Something's loose inside." He gives it another good shake. "You can hear it rattling."

    Lia thinks, with all that shaking it's no wonder something's come loose, you idiot. She remains silent.

    Pita finally finds one of the widgets that meets his standards, but before the sale can commence, he gets a look of dismay on his face. "Oh, no, this things dangerous!" He holds out the widget. "It's got a wire sticking out, that things sharp!"

    At this point, a random buyer who happened to be wandering by adds his two cents, "That's probably just plastic left over from the extrusion process," and goes on his merry way.

    Before Lia can confirm that it is, indeed, essentially just extra plastic, he shakes his head, "Oh, no, this thing's dangerous. I'm not going to buy something that's dangerous."

    He dumps the poor widget back on the table and departs. Lia is not at all sad to see him go. Curious, she picks up the widget and starts fiddling with the plastic and confirms to herself that it is a bit on the sharp side.

    The rest of the crew returns to the spot and she discusses it with them, sharing the saga of Pita in the process. A knife is procured and the plastic is cut away, proving that Pita was, indeed, a PITA.

    And so, the rest of the day goes as it usually does until after the show has actually closed for the day. As they're packing everything up and getting everything into the van, who should come running but Pita himself.

    "I've changed my mind. I'm going to get a widget." He doesn't wait for a response, but goes for the case that holds the widgets, having recognized it from that morning. Then, rather than just grabbing the first widget he sees, he starts shaking them. Again. One by one.

    Lia is valiantly resisting grabbing his throat and doing some shaking herself.

    Pita finally finds one that meets with his approval and holds it up. "How much?" he asks.

    "$3," he's told, at which point he opens up his wallet, exposing a single $20 and a single $1.

    Now, anyone who does swap meets or any sort of show where you sell things from a table knows that you start the day with a certain amount of change. You have to, because customers won't have any at the start of the day. But by the end of the day (if you haven't tanked), you have usually amassed a large amount of change that you no longer need or want.

    Lia speaks up, "Oh, we can make change, no problem," she tells him.

    "Oh, no," he says, "I don't want to do it like that." He then puts his wallet away, including both bills, and digs out a handful of change from his pocket.

    Lia is >< this far from just refusing to sell to him at all and going home. But she's tired and doesn't really have the energy to fight with him over his change.

    He finally counts out the $3, mostly in pennies and nickels, with a few dimes for variety and hands it over, leaving with his widget.

    Lia turns to the boss. "It's not right to main our customers, is it?" she asks.

    He gives her a grave look and answers solemnly, "Oh, it would be very wrong to maim this customer. No, the right thing to do would be to kill him outright and bury his body out in the desert."

    ^-.-^
    Last edited by Andara Bledin; 09-12-2007, 10:00 PM.
    Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

  • #2
    Tell Lia that you know of someone online who knows where there's 400 acres that would be perfect, including a miniature swamp.

    Of course, I'm not sure who on the board would know.
    Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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    • #3
      Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
      Lia turns to the boss. "It's not right to main our customers, is it?" she asks.

      He gives her a grave look and answers solemnly, "Oh, it would be very wrong to maim this customer. No, the right thing to do would be to kill him outright and bury his body out in the desert."

      ^-.-^
      no no no hes got it wrong-
      Its okj as long as you miam them enough so they have no memory of who or why. Or you remove soemthing fun or vital.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Sliceanddice View Post
        no no no hes got it wrong-
        Its okj as long as you miam them enough so they have no memory of who or why. Or you remove soemthing fun or vital.
        I like the desert idea better, you never know if the amnesia is temporary or permanent. Better safe than sorry.
        By the way tell lia that an alibi and a shovel can be provided on top of the 400 acres already offered.
        How was I supposed to know someone was slipping you Birth Control in the food I've been making for you lately?

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Sliceanddice View Post
          no no no hes got it wrong-
          Its ok as long as you maim them enough so they have no memory of who or why. Or you remove something fun or vital.
          But... how can it be fun if it's not vital?
          ...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?! -- Kalga
          And I want a pony for Christmas but neither of us is getting what we want OK! What you are asking is impossible. -- Wicked Lexi

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth JustADude View Post
            But... how can it be fun if it's not vital?
            technically somethings aren't vital, no matter what you think.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Sliceanddice View Post
              technically somethings aren't vital, no matter what you think.
              What, you mean like ripping out one of a guy's kidney's and leaving him the other? Because the only thing making contact with the part the gutter-dweller in me thinks you're talking about is a steel-toe boot.
              ...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?! -- Kalga
              And I want a pony for Christmas but neither of us is getting what we want OK! What you are asking is impossible. -- Wicked Lexi

              Comment


              • #8
                yeah sure.... a kidney.... thats what i was talking about....
                *btw i was origanally thinking removing a hand would be fun.... then my mind went into the gutter world

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                • #9
                  Just remember what I tell every boy that gets involved with my teenage nieces:

                  "I have a lot of friends with boats and a whole ocean to work with."

                  You do the math.

                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                  Still A Customer."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
                    Lia turns to the boss. "It's not right to main our customers, is it?" she asks.

                    He gives her a grave look and answers solemnly, "Oh, it would be very wrong to maim this customer. No, the right thing to do would be to kill him outright and bury his body out in the desert."


                    Yaaaaaaaaaaay to Lia and bossman.
                    Unseen but seeing
                    oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                    There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                    3rd shift needs love, too
                    RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Feh! You're all amateurs! THIS is what you use to get rid of Pita->

                      I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                      My LiveJournal
                      A page we can all agree with!

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