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Sigh, well, least I'm on my days off. =p
English Lessons
SC: "Yeah I just got a crank call from your number saying I buy banana flavoured condoms!"
Um.....ok? I'm not really sure what to say to that.....do you?
SC: "It was very offensive and very embarrassing!"
Offensive? I think you mean "insulting". Something that offends you is a term or concept you find unacceptable. If you find the concept of purchasing banana flavoured birth control offensive you either A) Prefer strawberry or B ) Think Tinky Winky is secretly advancing the gay agenda.
Embarrassing? I think you mean "shameful". Embarrassment is an emotional state that occurs when something personally or professionally unacceptable is revealed to or witnessed by other people. If you found this call embarrassing it means you A) Really do buy banana flavoured condoms and B) Had this call on speaker phone at dinner with your parents while the bag with said condoms was sitting on the dinner table.
I hope you enjoyed today's lesson. Please stay tuned for tomorrow's lesson where we will explore the concept of "Only".
Breaking News
( This account is the afterhours for a local news station thats an affiliate of one of the big network news conglomerates. We're here to notify the reporters/camera crews if something happens that they need to get a story/footage for at night. IE: Only big stories that are time sensitive such as major accidents, disasters or international incidents. )
1) Caller calls to inform us that a cab driver was rude to his friend who may or may not be, and I am directly quoting what he said: "Male/Female, Straight/Gay, White/Black/Red."
Yes, he actually said "slash" as in "Male slash Female". So we've established his friend is a bisexual she-male of mixed descent and a cab driver was rude to him...er, her....uh...it.
He called the cab company and they "didn't care". By which I assume he means "They apologized but did not promise to make an international incident out of". He also says he called the COPS and they too "Didn't care". By which I assume he means "Told him bluntly to not call 911 unless he had a real emergency.".
2) Caller is informed we can follow up on that when the news desk gets back in if he wants to leave his name and number with us.
3) Caller reveals himself to be mentally unstable entitlement whore and begins to deny reality and substitute his own. Caller wants us to consider this a huge news story and appears to be under the impression that the media is not a business but rather a civil right and he can make them do whatever he wants because that is his right as a member of the "public".
4) Caller is eventually hung up on.
5) Caller calls back and begins argument anew with such wonderful sound bites as:
SC: "I believe the news is there to accept my story! I believe every news story has a place of urgency!"
What you believe is of no consequence. I am not waking up a news crew at 3am because a cab driver of all people was rude to your bisexual she-male "friend" of mixed descent.
SC: "The driver was rude to 3 of my friends just because they were women!"
Er...wait, what? Your bisexual she-male friend of mixed descent has undergone a rather drastic change. Apparently the surgery was a success and she has grown two additional heads. I shall have to revise the victim's description to Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra.
SC: "Obviously you're not listening to me. They haven't trained you very well."
Actually they have trained me very well which is why I'm not listening to you. Also, -10 points for implying that the issue here is not that you're a delusional, unreasonable entitlement whore whom believes the world revolves around them but that I am, in fact, merely incompetent.
SC: "I believe I have the volition, the will and the NEED to leave a message."
....what?
SC: "Put me through to the news crew!"
Me: "I'm sorry I don't have a number for them that I can give you."
SC: "I believe you do and you will give it to me."
Did you just try to use the Jedi mind trick on me?
6) Caller eventually grew tired of my incompetence and hung up. But not till after threatening to report my incompetence to my superiors in the morning. I informed him he was quite welcome to do so. I'm sure they'll be quite upset with me following all of their policies to the letter.
I Am Surrounded by Fools.
Raging Cocktard: "Everyone who's cool get off the Skytrain now!"
Unfortunately, this was my stop so I was forced to get off lest I be late for work. This prompted a "Wessst Siiiide~!#" and a flashing of what I can only refer to as "Lame White Guy Gang Sign" at me.
Pitfall
SC: "That's Bobby Macdonald. B-O-B-B-Y space M-A-"
Oh thank you for lighting the way, kind sir! If you hadn't had given me a heads up I would have had no idea what key to press there! I could have been KILLED!
Still Surrounded
7/11
Guy 1: "Chewing gum, chewing gum, chewing gum. Ah ha! Chewing gum! Dude over here!"
Guy 2: "Is it chewy?"
That would be the implication, yes. They do sell "unpleasantly crunchy gum" however I believe its marketed under the brand name "Skor".
Tell Us How you Really Feel
Me: "Good morning, <tech support>. Can I help you?"
SC: "I'm very upset."
Me: "......?"
SC: "......"
I'm not even remotely qualified for this but none the less I suppose I can take a shot at it. But we will need a few items first before I can walk you through a quick fix. A bottle of sleeping bills and an entire bottle of Jack Daniels should about do it.
Brought to You By the Letter Duurrr
SC: "Yeah, ya'll charged me $3 and now I'm out $20!"
I make no claims to having formidable mathematical skills but even my Sesame Street inspired capabilities have detected a crucial flaw with your calculations.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Every overheard someone else's conversation and almost had to stop and interrupt them just to ask them to explain themselves? You know, something like
"Yeah, but YOU had sex with a pipe organ!"
Have I mentioned yet I hate having to come down town on Friday nights?
Workin' the System
SC: "Can I get some catalogs sent to a few different addresses?"
Me: "I'm sorry but I have to limit catalogs to one per caller or household."
SC: "Fine! That's stupid! I'll just keep calling back to get the rest then!"
Happy Fun Time Super Facts:
- She did indeed call back for more catalogs
- The rest of the addresses she tried to give us were in France.
- This product is only sold in North America and requires the company to come install it in your home.
- The fact a Canadian company would not sell the product in France AND hop a plane to come install it in France is, of course, "Stupid".
The End(tm)
English Lessons
SC: "Yeah I just got a crank call from your number saying I buy banana flavoured condoms!"
Um.....ok? I'm not really sure what to say to that.....do you?
SC: "It was very offensive and very embarrassing!"
Offensive? I think you mean "insulting". Something that offends you is a term or concept you find unacceptable. If you find the concept of purchasing banana flavoured birth control offensive you either A) Prefer strawberry or B ) Think Tinky Winky is secretly advancing the gay agenda.
Embarrassing? I think you mean "shameful". Embarrassment is an emotional state that occurs when something personally or professionally unacceptable is revealed to or witnessed by other people. If you found this call embarrassing it means you A) Really do buy banana flavoured condoms and B) Had this call on speaker phone at dinner with your parents while the bag with said condoms was sitting on the dinner table.
I hope you enjoyed today's lesson. Please stay tuned for tomorrow's lesson where we will explore the concept of "Only".
Breaking News
( This account is the afterhours for a local news station thats an affiliate of one of the big network news conglomerates. We're here to notify the reporters/camera crews if something happens that they need to get a story/footage for at night. IE: Only big stories that are time sensitive such as major accidents, disasters or international incidents. )
1) Caller calls to inform us that a cab driver was rude to his friend who may or may not be, and I am directly quoting what he said: "Male/Female, Straight/Gay, White/Black/Red."
Yes, he actually said "slash" as in "Male slash Female". So we've established his friend is a bisexual she-male of mixed descent and a cab driver was rude to him...er, her....uh...it.
He called the cab company and they "didn't care". By which I assume he means "They apologized but did not promise to make an international incident out of". He also says he called the COPS and they too "Didn't care". By which I assume he means "Told him bluntly to not call 911 unless he had a real emergency.".
2) Caller is informed we can follow up on that when the news desk gets back in if he wants to leave his name and number with us.
3) Caller reveals himself to be mentally unstable entitlement whore and begins to deny reality and substitute his own. Caller wants us to consider this a huge news story and appears to be under the impression that the media is not a business but rather a civil right and he can make them do whatever he wants because that is his right as a member of the "public".
4) Caller is eventually hung up on.
5) Caller calls back and begins argument anew with such wonderful sound bites as:
SC: "I believe the news is there to accept my story! I believe every news story has a place of urgency!"
What you believe is of no consequence. I am not waking up a news crew at 3am because a cab driver of all people was rude to your bisexual she-male "friend" of mixed descent.
SC: "The driver was rude to 3 of my friends just because they were women!"
Er...wait, what? Your bisexual she-male friend of mixed descent has undergone a rather drastic change. Apparently the surgery was a success and she has grown two additional heads. I shall have to revise the victim's description to Bisexual Trans-gendered Hydra.
SC: "Obviously you're not listening to me. They haven't trained you very well."
Actually they have trained me very well which is why I'm not listening to you. Also, -10 points for implying that the issue here is not that you're a delusional, unreasonable entitlement whore whom believes the world revolves around them but that I am, in fact, merely incompetent.
SC: "I believe I have the volition, the will and the NEED to leave a message."
....what?
SC: "Put me through to the news crew!"
Me: "I'm sorry I don't have a number for them that I can give you."
SC: "I believe you do and you will give it to me."
Did you just try to use the Jedi mind trick on me?
6) Caller eventually grew tired of my incompetence and hung up. But not till after threatening to report my incompetence to my superiors in the morning. I informed him he was quite welcome to do so. I'm sure they'll be quite upset with me following all of their policies to the letter.
I Am Surrounded by Fools.
Raging Cocktard: "Everyone who's cool get off the Skytrain now!"
Unfortunately, this was my stop so I was forced to get off lest I be late for work. This prompted a "Wessst Siiiide~!#" and a flashing of what I can only refer to as "Lame White Guy Gang Sign" at me.
Pitfall
SC: "That's Bobby Macdonald. B-O-B-B-Y space M-A-"
Oh thank you for lighting the way, kind sir! If you hadn't had given me a heads up I would have had no idea what key to press there! I could have been KILLED!
Still Surrounded
7/11
Guy 1: "Chewing gum, chewing gum, chewing gum. Ah ha! Chewing gum! Dude over here!"
Guy 2: "Is it chewy?"
That would be the implication, yes. They do sell "unpleasantly crunchy gum" however I believe its marketed under the brand name "Skor".
Tell Us How you Really Feel
Me: "Good morning, <tech support>. Can I help you?"
SC: "I'm very upset."
Me: "......?"
SC: "......"
I'm not even remotely qualified for this but none the less I suppose I can take a shot at it. But we will need a few items first before I can walk you through a quick fix. A bottle of sleeping bills and an entire bottle of Jack Daniels should about do it.
Brought to You By the Letter Duurrr
SC: "Yeah, ya'll charged me $3 and now I'm out $20!"
I make no claims to having formidable mathematical skills but even my Sesame Street inspired capabilities have detected a crucial flaw with your calculations.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Every overheard someone else's conversation and almost had to stop and interrupt them just to ask them to explain themselves? You know, something like
"Yeah, but YOU had sex with a pipe organ!"
Have I mentioned yet I hate having to come down town on Friday nights?
Workin' the System
SC: "Can I get some catalogs sent to a few different addresses?"
Me: "I'm sorry but I have to limit catalogs to one per caller or household."
SC: "Fine! That's stupid! I'll just keep calling back to get the rest then!"
Happy Fun Time Super Facts:
- She did indeed call back for more catalogs
- The rest of the addresses she tried to give us were in France.
- This product is only sold in North America and requires the company to come install it in your home.
- The fact a Canadian company would not sell the product in France AND hop a plane to come install it in France is, of course, "Stupid".
The End(tm)
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