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When your mouth opens stupid comes out.

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  • When your mouth opens stupid comes out.

    A customer calls me to discuss the completely custom piece of furniture that I'm helping them to design. They ask for things that are impossible, I reign them back into reality. I give them a ballpark on pricing, they ask why it is so much, they complain, I suggest cheaper alternatives, they like them, done. It is a process I go thru 30 times a day with people.

    So, I give this guy a total price of $38,000 for the offices. I get to the part where I suggest the cheaper alternatives.

    Me: ok, so we can change the cabinet doors from glass to wood for a big cost savings, we can drop the length of the desk by 6" or go up by 6" and get to a standard size for a good savings. Also, the wood you chose is a premium with a 30% upcharge. Changing to a standard wood would be the single largest savings.

    Customer: Well, the wood is non-negotiable, they need to match the existing stuff. They really wanted the glass doors, so I don’t think I should change that. The desk....I just don’t like the standard sizes so we should do the special length.

    Me: Ok, well then that ball park is good. I should have the quote done and returned to you tomorrow.

    Customer: But we didn't drop the price.

    Me: Well, I offered the three large savings options, and you rejected those changed. The only other changes are trivial

    Customer: But they are over budget by 20%.

    Me: Well, then you would want to choose one or two of those changes.

    Customer: What other things could you change?

    Me: If you are over by almost 20%, then nothing. The other changes are trivial and will only amount to a few percent.

    Customer: What are they, they might work.

    Me: Not really. The changes are things like removing wire pass thru grommets in the desk. You have three at $50 each, so that is $150. Changing from Glass to Wood doors saves $2300. The special desk size is costing you almost $1000. The premium wood charge alone is $11,400.

    Customer: So, how many grommets are there that we can remove.

    Me: There are 3. So that is $150 in savings out of the $7600 you need to save to get into budget.

    Customer: Can we remove more than 3 of those?

    Me: No, there are only three. We can not remove more than we have in there. Even if we could that would require us to have 152 grommets in three desks. That would be excessive.

    Customer: How old are you?

    Me: I don't see how any of this is relevant.

    Customer: It is a simple question.

    Me: I'm 30.

    Customer: See, you are just a young pup. When you have been around the block as many times as I have you will realize that I WILL get these offices for the price I want. I just have to go over your head.

    Me: Ok, well, I only quote in list price. List price does not change. If you get an extra discount that is not something I deal with.

    Customer: Fine.

    So, he hung up.

    I get an e-mail 20 minutes later from someone in sales to the guy and copying me saying that they are going to give him 5% off for this project.

    I had not written the quote yet.

    When I did the quote I knew that whatever price I assign to those special pieces is up to me. I took the price I would normally charge, and added 10%.

    So, he ended up paying 105% of what he should have after getting his "extra" 5% discount.

    Being able to do that was all the vindication I needed to make my day, but it got better.

    I send the quote out to the customer. He sends an e-mail back to me

    Customer: Thank you for the quote. Just as an FYI, I was in contact with your sales department and got an extra 5% off, so in the end I got what I wanted. This is what happens when you deal with someone with more experience.

    I replied simply "I'm glad I could be of service."

  • #2
    *snickers* Somebody in this dude's company is not going to be happy with him I think.
    My NaNo page

    My author blog

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    • #3
      Quoth bob the goat View Post
      Customer: But they are over budget by 20%.

      I get an e-mail 20 minutes later from someone in sales to the guy and copying me saying that they are going to give him 5% off for this project.
      Even with the 5% discount, wouldn't that still make him 15% over the budget? So, how in the world would he even accept 5% in the first place as a "good deal"???

      Well, no matter what his reasoning, a young whipper snapper like you could never figure tha out.
      "I'm still walking, so I'm sure that I can dance!" from Saint of Circumstance - Grateful Dead

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      • #4
        That. Is. AWESOME.

        I hope that he had to report the quote he received, and then the price he agreed to, so that someone above him will give him a call to ask why the company is paying 5% more than he originally was quoted, and he can sputter about his special discount.
        My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

        Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

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        • #5
          Since Bob never really gave him a quote before he hung up, they can't do that. They just got the quote with the 105% price.
          http://www.deezer.com/#music/album/100130
          Melody Gardot

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          • #6
            Quoth friendofjimmyk View Post
            Even with the 5% discount, wouldn't that still make him 15% over the budget? So, how in the world would he even accept 5% in the first place as a "good deal"???

            Well, no matter what his reasoning, a young whipper snapper like you could never figure tha out.
            As a wild guess, his "needed to reign it in by 20%!" was what's charitably called a "lie" to go for the sympathy discount. For him the 5% discount (on whatever price) meant he "Won" against the "idiot sales rep" (no offense)
            Lady, people aren't chocolates. D'you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. Dr Cox - Scrubs

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            • #7
              So the client is already over budget by 20%, and they're going to be paying an additional 5% more than normal on these pieces.

              Wow. If stupid were painful that guy would be in traction.
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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              • #8
                Yay for Stupidity Tax!
                A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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                • #9
                  Quoth bob the goat View Post

                  I send the quote out to the customer. He sends an e-mail back to me

                  Customer: Thank you for the quote. Just as an FYI, I was in contact with your sales department and got an extra 5% off, so in the end I got what I wanted. This is what happens when you deal with someone with more experience.
                  Dear Sir,

                  As someone with more experience, you should know better then to ask for a discount before getting a price quote.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth crazylegs View Post
                    Yay for Stupidity Tax!

                    I love stupidity tax. I wish we could charge that more often.
                    whohatesshrimp?

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                    • #11
                      As utterly totally completely awesome as this was, this was also the perfect opportunity to see if the customer would like some add-ons. Heck you could even offer another couple percent discount if they added a few grand in accessories, budget be damned
                      A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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                      • #12
                        woohoo for 39,900 bill

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                        • #13
                          Quoth bob the goat View Post
                          So, he ended up paying 105% of what he should have after getting his "extra" 5% discount.
                          --pedant alert--

                          He paid 104.5% of what he would have if he'd left it alone, not 105%. His 5% is now 5% of the inflated price, not half of your 10% of the original price.

                          Sorry, we now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast.

                          --end pedantism--

                          Awesome story though - don't you wish you could do that to all of them? Don't you wish you could tell him - just for the look on his face? LOL

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                          • #14
                            I replied simply "I'm glad I could be of service."
                            I :heart: you.
                            I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                            I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                            It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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                            • #15
                              Customerssuck.com does not approve of actions that could get you fired for fraud...

                              Ah, what the dingus - that was hilarious!

                              (Not that I've ever done similar myself when I didn't like a customer...)

                              Rapscallion

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