tales from the return desk(long)

[iloveasunflower13]

As background, its been a while since i last posted, due to college and life and such.
I work at a dept store, lets call it "Anthracite's" (if you live in america, you'll get it.) I work at the customers service desk. My store is known for its return policy, which is basically, "Any return, any time, for any reason, no questions asked." I have seen things that should never be seen. ever. I have handled fecal matter, human and otherwise, varying bodily fluids, unidentifiable hairs, slimes, old, well worn gstrings, and more. i have seen it all. my gag reflex has died simply due to my forcing myself not to retch. nothing phases me anymore. its true.

anyway, here's a few gems from my collection.

1. "Is your daughter a hobbit?"

this lady actually wasn't rude, just odd.

she was exchanging a pair of shoes that her daughter couldn't wear due to size. when i opened the box with the shoes she brought back, a smell hit me like you wouldn't beleive. it was bad. also, the shoes were oddly fur lined. Except ...they don't come that way. So, excessive foot oder and foot hair. hence the title. I still beleive her daughter is a hobbit.

2. pretty sure our credit cards don't come in that color...

A lady came in with a dress to return. no receipt, but no problem, we can look it up on her anthracite's card. The anthracite's card is a lovely shade of burgundy. This lady's card..was yellow. and crusty. :/ a Smell wafted off her that nearly fogged up my glasses. i did her refund and left the dress in the bag while i finished some other duties, thinking i would let the area air out a bit. the area did not air out. the smell was in fact the dress...which had been soaked in Cat piss. joy.

3 In which i cannot win.

this happened yesterday, a customer came in with a return and a exchange. no problem.
it went like this.

M=Me
CL=Cranky lady

at first things were great. i did her refund.
Me" Would you like your refund back to your master card? or would you prefer a store credit.
CL: Oh back to my mastercard please.

I finished the refund, and told her she just needed to grab her replacement item for the exchange and that i would gladly swap the items for her. She returned with several items. I did her exchange, then the following happened.

CL"ok, i want my refund put towards this purchase.
M" Sure, you want to purchase these items?
CL: NO. i want my refund put on it first.
M"Ok, i'll just need your receipt from the return so i can redo the refund on a gift card.
CL" WTF? WHY DIDN"T YOU JUST PUT IT ON A GIFT CARD TO BEGIN WITH?
M: erm, maam, you asked me to put it on your mastercard. I would be happy to switch it to a gift card however.
CL"NO! you know what? F*** YOU! YOU IDIOT! YOU WASTE MY TIME. and you know what else? YOU SMILE INSINCERLEY. STOP SMILING. (i really don't see what that has to do with the situation myself.)

she left. thank god.

4: We think he's ex KGB

We have a email coupon offer, where you give us your Email address and we send you a 5 dollar coupon plus all our ads and such. this russian guy has started a racket where he makes about 100 email accounts on google, submits them and uses the coupons. He buys one item for say $5.99. He pays 99 sense. then returns the item, getting a gift card for $5.99. he's done this enough times now, that he's gotten about 500 dollars, but actually spent around 20 bucks. if you say no, he verbally abuses and threatens us. the manager won't do anything about it. He threatened me about a knife, manager still lets him do what he wants. bleh.

5 (Last one i promise!) In which i learn one can have a favorite GString.
M=ME
GSL= Gstring Lady
GSL: I need to return these.
M:Sure, do we have a receipt?
GSL* emptys bag, its is a very VERY well worn gstring.* Um, no, i don't. I'll take store credit.
M:Ok, Sure.* Begins hunt for upc code*
GSL: I'm so sad. thats my favorite thong. But the cloth around the elastic that goes up your crack has worn off so its just rubber elastic and um..like, it irritates my ass hairs.
M:....um..maam? when did you buy these?
GSL...Around 2 years ago. anyway it pulls the hairs in my butt. kinda hurts. I actually bought them at walmart but they won't let me return them. I figure you guys will.
me Maam, our return policy only applies to our store's products. not walmart. My apologies but we cannot refund you for these.

she was apparently fine with that. still. wow.

these people scare me y'all.

[Sunshine]

Ew. Ew. Bitch. Scary scammer. And ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Food Lady]

And she admitted her scam. o.O

[PepperElf]

and this is why i wish you didn't have to deal with such a "generous" return policy.
the scammers are taking advantage of it way too many times.

[MoonCat]

Why, oh why, did I read that last one....

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. In so many ways.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

and this is why i wish you didn't have to deal with such a "generous" return policy.
the scammers are taking advantage of it way too many times.

I wish Anthracite's didn't exist, or at least dropped this stupid policy, because then the SCs expect it to be policy everyplace else.

[Catwoman2965]

Oh wow. The last one just had me shaking my head and gagging at the same time. First of all, HOW much would a g-string from WM cost? Not much. and to try and return it USED after how much time? Just plain nasty.

I will admit I buy a lot from your store, and I do return. But mainly because I order a lot online, and sadly, a lot of times, it just doesn't fit. But....I will not wear it, i fold it nicely in the bag, AND bring all my receipts and have them organized. I work in retail too so I know what a sh*t job it can be sometimes. But yeah, that type of policy really lends itself to abuse.

[sirwired]

You need to go to HR about the threatening customer. That should be grounds for a perma-ban at any store, for worker safety reasons.

[iloveasunflower13]

I wish Anthracite's didn't exist, or at least dropped this stupid policy, because then the SCs expect it to be policy everyplace else.

I agree with you there. I wish that the policy was different. The company isn't horrible, Its WAY better working there than at any of the other Dept stores i've worked for, but dear god that policy. Customers. JUST SAY YES. We had a lady that wanted a price adjustment that was 6 weeks over the date we normally do adjustments. it turned out to be a 400 dollar difference and the manager told me to put it through because "we want the customer to be happyyyy" aaaaand our sales goal was down by 400 bucks.

[retailsweetie]

When Bustice was still Restricted Also, we had a "No purchase is EVER final" return policy. The company hasn't had that policy in quite a while, but some customers still insist that's the case. At the Bustice I used to work at, the closest department store was Nordstrom, who as everyone knows is super lenient with their customers because they do literally anything to make the customer happy. The customers tended to throw a fit when our policy wasn't the same as Nordstrom's.

[PepperElf]

i know how you mean about changing policies.

my last company USE to have a policy (unofficial one I think but I'm not sure) allowing people to get loaner computers while theirs were in for repair IF they were using <company repair plan>. We weren't allowed to suggest it though; the customer had to ask.

they changed policy and discontinued loaners. Still had a customer try to argue for one claiming he knew an employee at another store and knew the policy. but .. no. policy discontinued.

[EricKei]

YOU SMILE INSINCERLEY. STOP SMILING.

...Er, yeeahhh... They company MAKES you wear a plastic smile >_> It's part of the job. Nothing wrong with you doing that. I'm impressed that you were able to maintain it in a situation like that

[iloveasunflower13]

...Er, yeeahhh... They company MAKES you wear a plastic smile >_> It's part of the job. Nothing wrong with you doing that. I'm impressed that you were able to maintain it in a situation like that

Thank you actually my plastic smile i think has become permanent. I just do it automatically now. Fortunately for me, I'm planning to intern and become a manager in this company, which is why i trawl this board. To see what NOT to do to my poor employees.

[Thana]

-blinks- I thought my store's return policy was bad. Yikes. Just....yikes. I dun think I'll complain about Wally's return policy ever again after reading this thread.

[Ophbalance]

I am so glad someone else has thought of it as plastic. In the case of my wife, I called it "plastic happy". To which I would point out how grossly unfair it was that she couldn't at least throw it on for me as well . This was back in her days working for the versioning system company, that which is concurrent.