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My Early Christmas Present
The 6th of December was the last real conversation I had with my girlfriend of 6 months. We've been madly in love with one another, and she was so excited that day when I told her that I was able to get the 23rd off so I could come spend an entire day with her before Christmas. And she was looking forward to me getting Saturday/Sunday off if I get a post I put in for at work instead of Friday/Saturday. Because for a couple of months now, Sunday has been her only day off and we haven't seen each other since October.
Starting the next day, I stopped hearing from her. I texted her every morning when I got up, like I always do. No replies. Then last Thursday, I thought maybe she had run out of phone minutes on her prepaid so I'd message her on Facebook. That's when I found out she had removed me as a friend at some point. I texted her on Friday, a full week since I had last heard from her. I said I was really worried about her. She finally answered. "I can't talk right now." I told her when she was able to talk, I'd be right here. Saturday I texted her, asking if she still wanted me to come see her on the 23rd. Because if something bad was going on, I figured I should check. Tonight I checked my phone when I got off work. "No, Kara, I don't want you to come down and I will not be able to see you anymore."
So I've been dumped.
I can't cry. I don't even know WHY this happened. I don't know what changed overnight. Yes, my bestie suggested after I got that message Friday that I had been dumped, but it didn't feel right. It still doesn't feel right.
What has me so confused is her word choice. She didn't say she didn't want to talk to me right now. She said she can't talk right now. She didn't say "Leave me alone, we're done." She didn't say she didn't want to see me anymore. She said she will not be able to see me anymore.
I can't help but think there's something she's trying to protect me from. She has a psycho ex who stalks her, she has a crazy former prison girlfriend who recently sent a threatening letter to her mother trying to get them to send her money in prison, her family life is fucked up... there is some kind of outside factor at work here. It's not "us." But I don't know what exactly it is.
But... no matter what the cause is, no matter what cosmic force is to blame, dumped is dumped. She showed me that my heart still works. That I'm still capable of love. That there are still people worth the risk of trusting them with my heart. And then, without warning, it's over. And I don't know why.
I texted her when I got home, told her I'm so very confused right now and that I don't understand what's going on or why. That I'm not angry, I just want to know what happened and why it has to be this way. I don't know if she'll reply, but if she does I'll share here. I'm sure it will hurt, but I'd rather be hurt than not even knowing what I'm supposed to feel.
Starting the next day, I stopped hearing from her. I texted her every morning when I got up, like I always do. No replies. Then last Thursday, I thought maybe she had run out of phone minutes on her prepaid so I'd message her on Facebook. That's when I found out she had removed me as a friend at some point. I texted her on Friday, a full week since I had last heard from her. I said I was really worried about her. She finally answered. "I can't talk right now." I told her when she was able to talk, I'd be right here. Saturday I texted her, asking if she still wanted me to come see her on the 23rd. Because if something bad was going on, I figured I should check. Tonight I checked my phone when I got off work. "No, Kara, I don't want you to come down and I will not be able to see you anymore."
So I've been dumped.
I can't cry. I don't even know WHY this happened. I don't know what changed overnight. Yes, my bestie suggested after I got that message Friday that I had been dumped, but it didn't feel right. It still doesn't feel right.
What has me so confused is her word choice. She didn't say she didn't want to talk to me right now. She said she can't talk right now. She didn't say "Leave me alone, we're done." She didn't say she didn't want to see me anymore. She said she will not be able to see me anymore.
I can't help but think there's something she's trying to protect me from. She has a psycho ex who stalks her, she has a crazy former prison girlfriend who recently sent a threatening letter to her mother trying to get them to send her money in prison, her family life is fucked up... there is some kind of outside factor at work here. It's not "us." But I don't know what exactly it is.
But... no matter what the cause is, no matter what cosmic force is to blame, dumped is dumped. She showed me that my heart still works. That I'm still capable of love. That there are still people worth the risk of trusting them with my heart. And then, without warning, it's over. And I don't know why.
I texted her when I got home, told her I'm so very confused right now and that I don't understand what's going on or why. That I'm not angry, I just want to know what happened and why it has to be this way. I don't know if she'll reply, but if she does I'll share here. I'm sure it will hurt, but I'd rather be hurt than not even knowing what I'm supposed to feel.
I'm sorry Kara. I hope she at least has the decency to give you an explanation.. 
). I hope you get over it soon.
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