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"Weird Al" strikes again! "Mission Statement"

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  • "Weird Al" strikes again! "Mission Statement"

    This is an illustration about how you can speak a lot, and not say a whole heck of a lot...

    If I ever start talking like this, smack me...

    First the video:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyV_UG60dD4

    then the lyrics (maybe we should translate this from Corporate-Speak):

    We must all efficiently
    Operationalize our strategies
    Invest in world-class technology
    And leverage our core competencies
    In order to holistically administrate
    Exceptional synergy
    We'll set a brand trajectory
    Using management's philosophy
    Advance our market share vis-à-vis
    Our proven methodology
    With strong commitment to quality
    Effectively enhancing corporate synergy
    Transitioning our company
    By awareness of functionality
    Promoting viability
    Providing our supply chain with diversity (versity, ooooh)
    We will distill our identity
    Through client-centric solutions and synergy (oooooh oooh oooh)
    (ahhhhhh)

    [Bridge:]
    At the end of the day (at the end of the day)
    We must monetize our assets
    The fundamentals of change
    Can you visualize a value-added experience?
    That will grow the business infrastructure and
    Monetize our assets
    Monetize our assets
    Monetize our assets

    [Verse 2:]
    Bringing to the table
    Our capitalized reputation
    Proactively overseeing
    Day-to-day operations
    Services and deliverables
    With cross-platform innovation
    Networking
    Soon will bring
    Seamless integration
    Robust and scalable, bleeding-edge and next-generation
    Best of breed
    We'll succeed
    In achieving globalization

    [Outro:]
    And gaining traction with our resources in the marketplace
    It's mission-critical to stay incentivized
    Our business plan will foster flexible solutions for our customer base
    If you can't think outside the box
    You'll be downsized
    It's a paradigm shift!
    Hey, hey! Look out!
    Well, it's a paradigm shift, now!
    Here we go! Here we go! Here we come! Here we come! Ha!
    Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

  • #2
    One thing not mentioned in the lyrics was "floating a trial balloon" - would that be a paradigm shift without using the clutch?
    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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    • #3
      The music video should involve the Pointy-Haired Boss from Dilbert.
      Persephone is the reason for the season.

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      • #4
        Some years ago, our department had a young, dynamic new manager, and one of his ideas was that we should craft a "mission statement" for the dept. The very thought made me gag. I never understood why he bought into that nonsense, as he was otherwise a good manager.

        I recall one of the salesmen saying that in his last job, he had been on a mission statement committee and it took them 8 months to create one.
        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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        • #5
          Quoth MoonCat View Post
          I recall one of the salesmen saying that in his last job, he had been on a mission statement committee and it took them 8 months to create one.
          Sadly, that doesn't surprise me.
          Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

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          • #6
            One of my favorite songs from that album, and in the style of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.
            Low lie the Fields of Athenry/ Where once we watched the small free birds fly/ Our love was on the wing/ we had dreams and songs to sing/ It's so lonely around the Fields of Athenry

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            • #7
              Quoth wolfie View Post
              would that be a paradigm shift without using the clutch?
              I wonder what that would sound like...Oh that's right, we already know
              "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
              "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
              "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
              "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
              "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
              "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
              Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
              "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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