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Call from Hell (top this one)
So on my last day of work before stress leave, I got this super winner of a call. The guy had a prefessional wider format printer and none of his presets were saving. It was escalated to me because the agent who got the call could not gain agreement on what the issue was (always a bad sign.)
Anyway, when I got the call and finally got the issue out of him, it turnes out to be an issue with the printers driver interacting with a preference file in the OS. A standard step in troubleshooting is to figure out if the issue is system wide or if it is a user specific issue. Since the first agent hadn't done any troubleshooting, it was up to me to field the inevitable question "Why are we doing this?"
SC: (irritated) "Why are you waisting my time with this?"
Me: (calm) "Well, here at (company) we strive for total resolution of the issue. Since this is the case, we need to diagnose what the issue is, find the cause, then remove it."
SC: (still irritated): "Can't you just pull a file and see if it fixes it."
Me: (still calm): "Well that is not a very efficient way of troubleshooting, I assure you that if we take methodical steps towards diagnosing an issue, then the call will go a lot faster then if we just randomly pull files, do you see where I am coming from?"
SC: (angry now, wrong choice of words, I guess): "I've call hundreds of times on this problem, and the other people just pull a file and the printer works for a while, I don't have time to deal with the problem."
Me: (admittedly becoming a bit of a smart ass): "Well the fact that you have called hundreds of times says to me that you have not resolved the issue and it's time to take a different approach."
SC: "So you are telling me that I need to set up a new user just so that we can find out it's working there and pull a file and have it not work again?"
Me: I'm sorry, sir (you know as soon as tech support breaks out the "Sir" or "Ma'am" that your call isn't going anywhere, but that's a topic for another post), I have reviewed the case notes, and I don't see anywhere that you have actually created a new user, so lets just open up a new user and try it, ok?"
SC: "I don't think I like your tone."
Me: "I'm sorry if my tone upset you, could we please just creat a new user account so we can get on with troubleshooting?"
SC: "No. I want you to tell me what file to pull so that I can have my printer back."
Me: "Well that's the point, sir. I can't possible know what file to pull in order to fix the issue. This issue could lie in the core of the OS and then we would have to reinstall the OS."
SC: 'WHAT? I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT! YOU A F***ING STUPID, YOU KNOW THAT? JUST PULL THE F***ING FILE!!!" (My sister was sitting next to me and can varify sonce she could hear him clearly.)
This is where I decie that the call has gotten to the point of no return. Time to have fun!
Me: (Office space style): "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and calm down so that we can get to work on this."
SC: "I'm not working on this with you, you are an arrogant a**hole, you don't know your a** from a hole in the ground. You need to get a f***ing life, all you do is f*** with peoples computers, don't you8 realize that the customers always right?"
Me: (getting louder, not really yelling though) "Sir, I have asked you to calm down, at this point you have made multiple personal attacks that have been loged in my case notes. If you wish to continue this call, then I suggest you settle down and create the user."
SC: "I want your manager."
Me: "I am the manager. the person who gives me my paycheck has no technical knowledge and is only in monday to friday 9 to 5. Futhermore, this call has been written down verbatim in my notes, minus the explitives, which are indicated by asterisks. If my manager was in at this point, he would no doubt have heard you himself. given the class act that you are being, I'm sure you would get nowhere with him."
SC: "You need to check your ego, sh**head."
Me: "I'm sorry, sir? What is that supposed to mean?"
SC: "It means you don't know everything, JUST...PULL...THE...F***ING...FILE!"
Me: "What file do you want me to pull? Maybe your Adobe activation file? Maybe the core system folder?"
SC: "You're a f***ing a**hole."
Me: Sir, did you call to do troubleshooting or just vomit explitives at some faceless tech support rep?"
SC: "I want the phone number for head office!"
Me: "Well there is no direct line, but if you feel strongly, I can give you their mailing address, you will have to reference the case number which does not look favorable to you."
SC: "Fine"
Me: *rhymes off the familliar address that I have to give evertime someone wants to complain about another agent*
SC: "You are an ego maniac. I hope your notes reflect that, a**hole."
Me: (makeing sure the customer can hear each individual key so he knows I am entering it in my notes) "Customer... states... colon... quote... You... are... an... ego... maniac... period... I... hope... your... notes... reflect... that... comma... a askerisk asterisk hole... period"
SC: "Take that last part out."
Me: "Nope."
SC: "Take it out!"
Me: "Umm, no."
SC: "DO IT, OR ELSE!"
Me: "Was that a personal threat, sir?"
SC: "Damned right it was a personal threat, take it out or I'm suing the company and I will see you burried alive!"
Me: "Sir, I regret to inform you that I am not (companies) legal councel. At this point since you have threatened legal action against the company, and made personal threats agains't myself, I will be forced to end this call. I will be calling the authorities in your area. If you wish to persue legal action against this corperation, I would suggest you have your legal councel contact our legal department. The address and phone number are readily available on our public website. Goodbye."
Release... Smoke Break.... email manager to call the SC's local police, with case notes attached.... Stress Leave.
Anyway, when I got the call and finally got the issue out of him, it turnes out to be an issue with the printers driver interacting with a preference file in the OS. A standard step in troubleshooting is to figure out if the issue is system wide or if it is a user specific issue. Since the first agent hadn't done any troubleshooting, it was up to me to field the inevitable question "Why are we doing this?"
SC: (irritated) "Why are you waisting my time with this?"
Me: (calm) "Well, here at (company) we strive for total resolution of the issue. Since this is the case, we need to diagnose what the issue is, find the cause, then remove it."
SC: (still irritated): "Can't you just pull a file and see if it fixes it."
Me: (still calm): "Well that is not a very efficient way of troubleshooting, I assure you that if we take methodical steps towards diagnosing an issue, then the call will go a lot faster then if we just randomly pull files, do you see where I am coming from?"
SC: (angry now, wrong choice of words, I guess): "I've call hundreds of times on this problem, and the other people just pull a file and the printer works for a while, I don't have time to deal with the problem."
Me: (admittedly becoming a bit of a smart ass): "Well the fact that you have called hundreds of times says to me that you have not resolved the issue and it's time to take a different approach."
SC: "So you are telling me that I need to set up a new user just so that we can find out it's working there and pull a file and have it not work again?"
Me: I'm sorry, sir (you know as soon as tech support breaks out the "Sir" or "Ma'am" that your call isn't going anywhere, but that's a topic for another post), I have reviewed the case notes, and I don't see anywhere that you have actually created a new user, so lets just open up a new user and try it, ok?"
SC: "I don't think I like your tone."
Me: "I'm sorry if my tone upset you, could we please just creat a new user account so we can get on with troubleshooting?"
SC: "No. I want you to tell me what file to pull so that I can have my printer back."
Me: "Well that's the point, sir. I can't possible know what file to pull in order to fix the issue. This issue could lie in the core of the OS and then we would have to reinstall the OS."
SC: 'WHAT? I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT! YOU A F***ING STUPID, YOU KNOW THAT? JUST PULL THE F***ING FILE!!!" (My sister was sitting next to me and can varify sonce she could hear him clearly.)
This is where I decie that the call has gotten to the point of no return. Time to have fun!
Me: (Office space style): "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and calm down so that we can get to work on this."
SC: "I'm not working on this with you, you are an arrogant a**hole, you don't know your a** from a hole in the ground. You need to get a f***ing life, all you do is f*** with peoples computers, don't you8 realize that the customers always right?"
Me: (getting louder, not really yelling though) "Sir, I have asked you to calm down, at this point you have made multiple personal attacks that have been loged in my case notes. If you wish to continue this call, then I suggest you settle down and create the user."
SC: "I want your manager."
Me: "I am the manager. the person who gives me my paycheck has no technical knowledge and is only in monday to friday 9 to 5. Futhermore, this call has been written down verbatim in my notes, minus the explitives, which are indicated by asterisks. If my manager was in at this point, he would no doubt have heard you himself. given the class act that you are being, I'm sure you would get nowhere with him."
SC: "You need to check your ego, sh**head."
Me: "I'm sorry, sir? What is that supposed to mean?"
SC: "It means you don't know everything, JUST...PULL...THE...F***ING...FILE!"
Me: "What file do you want me to pull? Maybe your Adobe activation file? Maybe the core system folder?"
SC: "You're a f***ing a**hole."
Me: Sir, did you call to do troubleshooting or just vomit explitives at some faceless tech support rep?"
SC: "I want the phone number for head office!"
Me: "Well there is no direct line, but if you feel strongly, I can give you their mailing address, you will have to reference the case number which does not look favorable to you."
SC: "Fine"
Me: *rhymes off the familliar address that I have to give evertime someone wants to complain about another agent*
SC: "You are an ego maniac. I hope your notes reflect that, a**hole."
Me: (makeing sure the customer can hear each individual key so he knows I am entering it in my notes) "Customer... states... colon... quote... You... are... an... ego... maniac... period... I... hope... your... notes... reflect... that... comma... a askerisk asterisk hole... period"
SC: "Take that last part out."
Me: "Nope."
SC: "Take it out!"
Me: "Umm, no."
SC: "DO IT, OR ELSE!"
Me: "Was that a personal threat, sir?"
SC: "Damned right it was a personal threat, take it out or I'm suing the company and I will see you burried alive!"
Me: "Sir, I regret to inform you that I am not (companies) legal councel. At this point since you have threatened legal action against the company, and made personal threats agains't myself, I will be forced to end this call. I will be calling the authorities in your area. If you wish to persue legal action against this corperation, I would suggest you have your legal councel contact our legal department. The address and phone number are readily available on our public website. Goodbye."
Release... Smoke Break.... email manager to call the SC's local police, with case notes attached.... Stress Leave.
Yikes! Yeah, you had the Call From Hell, no question. I hope you have a relaxing, pleasant, wonderful Stress Leave, you definitely deserve it!
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