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Something Strange in The Neighborhood

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  • Something Strange in The Neighborhood

    Dear TechnoPagan Retail HQ I know I'm overdue on reports, I'll try and catch you up.

    First I once again must voice my displeasure at no longer being able to use Proton Packs and blast the spectres away, I realize there were cruelty and environmental concerns with that approach but see our new method of talking to them and finding what they want doesn't always seem to work as they will keep coming back.


    Repeated Phenomena

    on their own these ghosts are pretty nonsignificant but looked as a group it forms a concerning pattern. There seems to be a large number of specters that need a computer mouse but take several tries to grasp how they work despite being the simplest computer device you can use. They will repeatedly ask if it will work or what they have to plug in. Some will even drag their decomposing selves back here and have us test the mouse and show them how to use it. I know it's normal for a ghost to be out of it post demise but this goes above and beyond was there some sort of mass tragedy of deaths involving computer mice that traumatized these poor spooks? If so could you please give us a copy of the file to fill us in?

    The not so Gentleman Ghost

    This specimen was a Class 5 Full Roaming Vapor looking for a copy of a current antiposession software that we had on special. Now unfortunately despite what my inventory said we seemed to be out of it. So he said the words that more and more phantasms are bringing up lately "Raaaaaiiiinnn Checcccck" now as you know despite our competition down the road offering them we do not and have never. So I went to our new backup plan of ordering it from our website, and this is where I ran into a problem. Look if you are going to let us place orders for excorcist equipment you could lower the price for free shipping beneath $45 because this being became rather annoyed when I tried to explain that there would be a shipping fee on this $40 purchase unless he got something with it.

    Unfortunately it seemed this specter died of some sort of head trauma as he tried to convince me that other companies don't charge shipping fees and when informed of his error he start to swear at me. When I told him not to his head began to spin and his eyes glowed while spewing more profanity so I let the supervising minister handle the situation. Of course he was nicer to her and she took his info and promised him a copy at the sale price. This ended up being easier when we found the copies that someone had put behind the counter for no reason, we mutually decided to call him monday and tell him a copy had come in rather than worsen the situation.

    So Close

    this case I was selling an exorcism kit to a live customer for him to use on a client. Now the model he was told was in stock was in fact not and he didn't want the display so with my manager's permission I lowered the price of another model because he was nice and had arrived from a distant dimension. Now the sale was going well and in addition to the base holy water and bible kit he also added on garlic, a tincture, a crucifix, and candles but when it came time to pay for the purchases he decided to put the base kit on transaction separate from the rest. Meaning instead of a sale with some nice attachments I had a sale with nothing. Nothing could convince him, not mention subtotals or alternate payments or threats with a voodoo doll, he seemed convinced that the current alignment of the stars meant he had to do them separately.

    ???

    While asking if a customer wanted an extra long guarantee on his ghost catching equipment he says "if it wasn't your biggest profit center I probably would."
    I had no real response for him but still kind of wished I had said "I'm sorry I like getting paid."

    Just Accept They Are Gone

    This aspiring technopagan had lost all the notes on their bible when they had their friend reset it for them but see their friend had told them they could come to us and get those notes back. I tried to convince her that the notes were gone and she'll have to make them again but she seemed convinced that they were backed up by us or the writer of the bible somewhere and would not be discouraged. She decided to talk to the Vatican and try to get them there after I tried to convince her it was futile but anyways she left and was never heard from again, maybe they had better luck convincing her.

    This is not the Dave you are looking for

    I answered the phone to a great moaning:
    Zombie Customer:Is Daaaavvvveeee there?
    Me: which one we have 3 people working here named Dave?
    ZC: He's a young maaaaaaannnn.
    Me: that could really describe any of them sir
    ZC: He's from North Baaaayyyyy
    Me *how does that help, I don't have my coworker's biography memorized*
    Me: That doesn't really help sir I don't know which one that would be, what is the issue maybe I can help?
    ZC:*I forget what he said here*
    Me: what is the issue sir? *figuring I could ask the dave's if they were dealing with it, I should note that both the Dave's that were on were with a customer right now*
    ZC: That's between me and Dave. You people really need better training in Customer service down there, this is unbelievable, what is your name?
    Me: *gives name* Sir I was asking what the issue was so I could check with them about to find out which one you were speaking to. Look I'll just get one of them as soon as their done with their customer. I put him on hold and he hung up before they got to him.
    *note my patience with some of the ghosts we deal with has been running thing lately*


    The Nightmare on Pffft St

    I had to deal with this particular specimen 3 different times in two days. He was a weird one, see he had the form of a class 6 but only seemed to have the intelligence of a class 3. I attempted to communicate with him but found him hard to understand as he would start to mumble (I hate the mumblers). Basically he wants us to fix his computer, but seems to be unable to adequately describe the issue with it. I keep asking what it's doing and he keeps saying he'll be using and it just goes Pfft. I'm not quite sure that really describes the noise adequately it was like a raspberry without any of the effort. I actually say to him at one point that telling me it just goes Pfft doesn't tell me anything and he needs to actually tell me what it's doing. This does not seem to impact the specters remaining brain capacity so I finally book it in under a general diagnostic.

    Now after he was booked in he comes back up to the desk. I don't remember the content of this discussion but I will summarize my thought process.
    *don't come to the desk*
    *don't come to the desk*
    *don't come to the desk*
    *why is he back, what does he want, whyyyyy?*
    I answer his question that my mind has completely erased from memory and he finally leaves.

    The next day he comes wanting his computer back. It had just been put on the desk and barely been looked at, it's night and priest has gone home so I don't know what if anything was done. he doesn't care, we don't refund his money because it was his decision to waste our time like this and our agreement that he signed says he's not entitled to it back. He doesn't argue and takes his computer and leaves have wasted my time, my tech's time and his 60 dollar diagnostic fee.

    Fortunately for now this is the last time I've seen him.

    That covers the highlights at least and brings you up to date on the most recent hauntings in our territory.
    Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?
    Me: I expect competence from my coworkers.

  • #2
    For those wondering what the hell is this. basically I got tired of writing "this customer is dumb" and decided to have fun with it.

    previous adventures for the uninitiated

    http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=94504
    http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...d.php?t=100065
    http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...d.php?t=102375

    and another new one:
    http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s....php?p=1245203
    Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?
    Me: I expect competence from my coworkers.

    Comment


    • #3
      No problem. Very enjoyable read; probably a lot less enjoyable to experience.

      So now that the ghost season is past, it's time to build up for the Season of Elves right?

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth gremcint View Post
        This ended up being easier when we found the copies that someone had put behind the counter for no reason...
        <makes a wager on finding out the copies were indeed behind the counter for a reason, just not one the person who put them there bothered to document>

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Jetfire View Post
          So now that the ghost season is past, it's time to build up for the Season of Elves right?
          Oh no, it's still ghost season. Just ask Charles Dickens.
          I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
          My LiveJournal
          A page we can all agree with!

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          • #6
            Quoth gremcint View Post
            First I once again must voice my displeasure at no longer being able to use Proton Packs and blast the spectres away
            You and me both. If only the packs could be calibrated to open up a pocket universe and send them there...technically we wouldn't actually be destroying them, just (hopefully) sealing them where they could only bother each other...but then we have to worry about any existing denizens of said universe. Boo.

            Now we (I at least) get to deal with the holiday gremlins. I used to think the Halloween variety were bad enough...no, not around here. Anything that isn't wiped out or rendered sane by Halloween gets louder and nastier until New Years.
            "I am quite confident that I do exist."
            "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

            Comment


            • #7
              open up a pocket universe and send them there
              You could always employ Slenderman or Radical Larry, they do that sort of thing. They may as well be paid for it.
              Last edited by Tama; 11-06-2014, 06:54 PM.
              My Guide to Oblivion

              "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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