Open Letter to All of You

[draggar]

Great post!

[Becks]

In a word....no.

I am now scrunching my nose up at you.

[Chazzie]

Jester, you rock. I don't post on the boards very often, but I read every day, and your posts are always right up there with the rest of the users that are a must read on CS. Who cares if you reveal 'too much' to the boards? Every browser has a back button, and you're a big boy now. You can choose what you want to reveal to the internet if you wish.

That said, kudos to both you and your father. In 10 short years it seems he's raised you wonderfully, something that has lasted to this day. I definitely commend your career choices, both of which are ones I have thought several times about trying to do myself. (I'm good with being a barista until I upgrade to bartending someday.)

As for walking 3 miles, that's really not as far as it sounds. Sure, I'm known for taking 6 mile walks 'just because', but I walk 2-3 miles every day to get to my job and take a couple buses. A two mile walk takes my short legs about 45 minutes, so a 3 mile walk would probably take you less than an hour and a half. It's actually quite enjoyable, I actually use the walks to work/bus stops as a means of clearing my head and brainstorming up new ideas.

[Jester]

Thanks Chazzie. It's appreciated.

Who cares if you reveal 'too much' to the boards?

I don't myself, but I have been told that by others. It is my nature, and I am not about to change my nature just to please someone else's sensibilities.

In 10 short years it seems he's raised you wonderfully, something that has lasted to this day.

Much credit must go to my mother, as she was the one who raised me the most, not only after he died, but even while he was alive, as he was off working while she was home with me and my sisters.

I definitely commend your career choices, both of which are ones I have thought several times about trying to do myself.

Neither was a career choice per se, so much as something I kind of fell into. My first two career "choices" were a journalist and a broadcaster. Actually, my very first career choice was a rock star, but unfortunately, I have all the singing ability of a dead trout. Maybe less.

As for walking 3 miles, that's really not as far as it sounds.

I know exactly how far it is. And I could easily do it. Just don't necessarily WANT to. Especially on Wednesdays, with my short window between jobs.

Though I may try it out the rest of the week. We'll see. (I did acquire a friend's scooter, though it's pretty much a piece of shit--but still better than nothing.)

Although I tend to take my backpack with me to work, not just for my work stuff and a place to put my keys while I'm working, but also to keep with me some "just in case" items, such as an umbrella (I live in the tropics), a sweatshirt, decks of cards, ibuprofen, clipon sunglasses, Kindle, Gatorade, etc. And I'm enough of a packrat with that where that can get heavy...heavier still on a 3 mile stroll, and heavier yet again on a 3 mile stroll home after working my tail off all day.

[Kara]

You never cease to amaze me. And your timing couldn't have been better.

I read this before work yesterday and have been thinking about it quite a bit. I've been coming to the same sort of conclusion myself. I've already planned my day to start living. Tomorrow. It has to be, because, should the worst happen, well, there's not much life to experience inside a jail cell. But if I keep my freedom I'm taking charge of my life in a big way.

I'm going to have a more serious talk with mom, so she fully understands exactly what is is I've gone through, where I am now, and where I'm going from here. I told her last month as best as I could, but she didn't quite get it. It's time for her to meet her eldest daughter.

I'm going to talk to my HR manager at work. I kept telling myself to not do ANYTHING about work yet, not until I start transition. But I already have started, in small ways. Little changes like using soaps and shampoos that have the scents I love. My nails are longer, my skin is smooth and hairless. I've been noticed, but no one has said anything (well, probably behind my back). But the fact is, I'm not perfect out there, but I've earned the respect of my fellow officers and my superiors. Time to see if that means anything. I'm not going to be "out" at work (yet), but I'm starting by letting someone up the food chain know what's going on and what's going to happen. Better to do it now, for my own protection (thanks for the advice, KiaKat).

My lifelong best friend will be "formally" invited to move in with me. We're already making tentative plans, he wants out of the town where we grew up and I can't stand being alone, so it will work out for everyone. He knows about me and accepts me for who I am, so no worries there.

I have a few outstanding invitations to go shopping with drag queens. I intend to accept.

I need to deal with the mess my ex left behind. Bags/boxes full of clothes and toys and whatever else she left behind fill the bedroom downstairs that was for the boys. Lots of de-cluttering to do.

On that note, that will also have things ready for the kids to return home. No matter how this thing plays out, her getting sole custody will not happen as long as I draw breath. I will fight for the children.

And from there? I don't know. But I plan to make the most of whatever comes my way from here on out.

Cheers to you and your dad's memory, Jester. Cheers to all of you and your dreams. As has been said, it's never too late.

[Jester]

Kara, I applaud you for your courage. But I advise you to exercise some caution, in this sense: while you need to be honest with yourself, you have to be careful to not give your ex or her attorney an opportunity to use the hidden truth about you against you in court. It may not be fair, and it may not be right, but such a thing could definitely color a judge's perception, especially in your neck of the woods. As you've said, you don't live in New York or San Francisco.

Move on with your life, and live it, but do remember that discretion sometimes really is better part of valor.

[Kara]

I'm not so concerned with her attorney. She has some hole-in-the-wall "legal services" people handling the divorce. Unlike my attorney, they haven't been payed yet, and she has an agreement to not pay until it's over. They're not likely to want to put up with her antics for free for very long. I'm not going fully "out," just taking what seems to be the next logical step in my transition.

As for if things go south tomorrow, well, I told my friend on FB just a little while ago that at the very least after a few months in jail I'll be a skinny bitch. Jail/Prison food is unappetizing, to put it mildly.

[Jester]

I'm not so concerned with her attorney. She has some hole-in-the-wall "legal services" people handling the divorce.

You know what you call a lawyer who graduates at the bottom of his class? A lawyer.

In other words, however rinky dink you think her attorneys may be, be aware that your ex has some ammunition she can try to use against you. Hopefully she doesn't realize it, perhaps thinking the whole thing was a "phase."

Just be careful.

after a few months in jail I'll be a skinny bitch. Jail/Prison food is unappetizing, to put it mildly.

Unappetizing, but very starchy and loaded with carbs, so not necessarily the best weight loss regimen.

[Gerrinson]

2. I've heard it said that the average person walks approx. 3 miles per hour.

This is about right. I tend to walk faster than most other people and I used to average about 4 miles an hour. That's based on a year of walking 6 miles each way to/from work because management couldn't be bothered to schedule me within the hours of the bus routes.

Given where you live, I'd assume you would want to plan ahead the way I did in summer up here: Pack your work clothes in a bag, plan to arrive approx. 30 minutes prior to work so you have time to cool down and change. I used a duffel bag, but a garment bag works if you don't mind carrying it around.

It is pretty good exercise and the distance you have to walk isn't insurmountable, by any means. If you have a chance, try walking it before you absolutely have to do it, so you have a measure of the time. Also, make sure you have a foul weather plan in place. Nothing sucks worse than being miles from home and having to walk home in crappy weather without proper clothing.

[Jester]

I have a backpack, which is all I need. Don't really need a garment bag when your work clothes are shorts and t-shirts, ya know.

And in the backpack would be a jacket and an umbrella.

That's assuming I was going to walk. Ha! I'll use the scooter. Because while I would not mind walking TO work, after work, I want no part of it!

[morgana]

Thank you, Jester. That first post may just have been the kick in the butt I needed today.

Kara, I live in the same vicinity you do. Please take care . . .

[taxguykarl]

I have a backpack, which is all I need. Don't really need a garment bag when your work clothes are shorts and t-shirts, ya know.

And in the backpack would be a jacket and an umbrella.

That's assuming I was going to walk. Ha! I'll use the scooter. Because while I would not mind walking TO work, after work, I want no part of it!

FWIW, commuting from one job to another can be deducted. I agree about walking more than a mile from work, especially in the snow (yes, I know you don't get that in your neck of the woods) or pouring rain.

Your OP was quite the piece.
BTW, my BIL, mom, niece and cousin-in-law all loved your Key Breeze.

To Kara:
Jester's right about this one. Don't take your ex's lawyer lightly. Even bottom-tier lawyers can be dangerous. Unless your state is trying to disbar this one assume that this guy invests his fees rather than puts them into a fancy, pricey downtown office. IOW don't give them ammo. The best answers you can give in discovery are: yes, no and I don't recall. Volunteer nothing.

[42_42_42]

42, you are just a State away from me. Come on down! (And bring the muffins!)

Jester,

I LOVE Key West (well, went there for spring break Sr yr of HS and had a blast). Hoping I can talk the hubster into going down for vaca sometime (the sooner the better, too). Will absolutely let you know if and when (we will HAVE to stop by your bar) and will bring baked goodies with.

[Jester]

Your OP was quite the piece.
BTW, my BIL, mom, niece and cousin-in-law all loved your Key Breeze.

Thank you for the first comment.

For the second, when did they taste it? Were they here at my bar, or did I give you the recipe and you made it for them?

Sometimes I am so damn lost....

"I'm just wondering why I feel so all alone
Why I'm a stranger in my own life" --Sheryl Crow

[NateTheChops]

I could have definitely used that advice late December. Maybe next time I get depressed or anxietal I'll read this post instead of running around downtown Salem, telling random strangers that I want to die.

Yeah, er, long story.