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This is a University Town, which means the cops are bored off their assess about this time of year of constantly stepping over crusty piles of vomit and shuffling drunken students off to detox when they get caught red handed trying to break into what they think is their apartment but in their alcoholic haze, have not realized is actually the local Dunkin Donuts....
So, when they get a call last Tuesday that you were seen aiming a pistol out the window of your car and possibly firing it another motorist after a traffic dispute
, you can bet your last sweet cup of vanilla pudding that they WILL respond to that.
And by respond I mean they WILL find you, they WILL detain you, and they will have us tow your car to the station's designated "toss pit" where they can execute a search warrant on it and toss it for said weapon.
They find the gun, and it's an airsoft pistol, so lucky for you, you escape this episode of "Dips#its and the Law" without felony charges, and will likely only face criminal mischief/disorderly conduct. But since they're rather cross with you right now, they tell you to just go home, get out of their hair, and if they DO feel like charging you with something, you'll get a notice in the mail in the next 30 days....
They then have us impound the vehicle since the station doesn't have any place to put your ride for the night and they can't just leave it in the toss pit, since another tosser may be in need of tossing later on....
Now, having never been investigated for a felony myself (that I know of
) I don't know what the normal course of action is when one gets hauled in and tossed by the cops.
The owner of this car decided to disappear for a week, it wasn't until yesterday he called us looking for his car.
We inform him that it's $130 for the tow, and 6 days of storage at $30 a day, you do the math on that because I'm a liberal arts major and resolutely refuse to crunch numbers for anyone who isn't Internal Revenue.
Done it yet?
Doesn't really matter what you got, because our tosser decides he deserves to get the car for free.
Heh, good one, but April was last month.... wait, you weren't joking?
[Sideshow Bob]Euuuughghghghghghghhhhhh....[/Sideshow Bob]
Yeah, in true COPS fashion, he says "his cousin" was driving the car and shooting at everyone else, twasn't him.
You know? The same cousin that features in every single episode ever of law enforcement documentaries? Who keeps storing his smack, meth, coke, firearms, human trafficking victims, plutonium and stolen works of art in someone else's pants? And they keep getting away scott-free while the person who "just was holdin on to it for a bit" for him goes to the clink? Yeah, THAT cousin....
Well, that's all nice and good, we tell him, but, until we get $ you don't get the car, your cousin doesn't get the car, in fact, without settling the bill first NOBODY is getting this car, except maybe Goober the scrap yard operator assuming the DOT hasn't confiscated his rollback truck for being the dictionary picture of "unsafe" yet...... (I think ONE of the marker lights still works, after every other pothole at least)
Tosser gets angry, aren't we listening? It wasn't him! We can't make him pay for his car, he dindu nuffin (tm)
YEah, whatever, come get it today, or come get in "N" days from now for "N + $35" more. Otherwise your car sits in the auto-gulag until the state withers away and real communism arrives, your choice.
He cusses a bit and terminates the phone call.
Several hours later, we see a guy loitering around the gate to the impound, making like he's counting when the trucks go in and out and thinking about running in.
Since they recently built a new towing department office back here, you can't do that without getting noticed by the guy sitting in the shipping container with the window cut in it that now sits besides said gate. (I said we got an office, didn't say it was a GOOD one)
We ask him what he's doing.
He spins the yarn of woe about how his cousin got his car impounded and he needs it and can't afford blah blah blah blah you get picture. It's tosser. In all his non-glory.
We tell him tough, pay or get lost. Just like we earlier discussed.
He circles the block and comes back and starts staking us out again.
We AGAIN ask him what's wrong. Because he's acting like he wants to get tossed again by the cops for loitering. Is that what he wants?
He says he needs to get the keys out of the car (they're still in it from when the car got tossed) because his house key is on there (or apartment or cardboard box or whatever, we just KNOW this isn't the case, he's hoping to be let in on a sympathy pretext and then hes' going to make a mad dash for his car and leave without paying....) so we tell him "fine" we'll let you do that, just fill out this "property retrieval" form first.
BTW: said form requires YOU to sign your name to it and for us to xerox your driver's license and attach it to said form, while under the eye of SIX cameras, two in the office, two in the yard, one at the gate and one at the sidewalk ..... cumulatively, a cover our ass move for what we think he's about to do...... he can't be THAT stupid, can he?
He goes out to his car, gets in, and being only two spots from the exit, starts it up and bolts before the gate can close on him....
[SideshowBob]Neughghghghhhhhhhhhh......[/SideshowBob]
*beep* *bloop* *beep*
Hello? Police? Remember Tosser? What's he done now, you say? Oh nothing, just theft of services..... why yes, we'd very much LIKE to press charges. Do you need his address? I have it right off his license.... oh, you still have it from when you tossed him last week? Nevermind then. Oh yes, we're sure it was him, got him on a half-dozen cameras doing it.... you'll pick him up? Great.
About an hour later we get a call, from a lady we've never heard from before. She says she's Tosser's landlady, and would like to know exactly what it was he did that just caused three Borough cops to show up at the apartment block and haul him off.... we inform her of his little illegal (not to mention poorly conceived) attempt at a discount earlier in the day.
She clucks her teeth and says "Too bad, now I'll have to evict him for violating that part in the lease about not breaking the law on my property" which is where Tosser fled to with the car, natch. "About time, nobody in the building likes him, I've been waiting for an excuse"
You don't say....
Next you'll be telling me that Arsenic ISN'T part of a healthy breakfast, Slobodan Milosevic wasn't a very nice guy and the Pittsburgh Pirates sure do a lot of losing.......
So, to cap it all off, Tosser not only got tossed for a misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief for brandishing a BB gun, he then ramped it up into a felony by stealing from us, and is now being tossed from his home too, and likely tossed in a cell where someone can toss his salad...
Why oh why do some people INSIST on playing the game of life on "hard", and then also purchasing the "Make it Worse" DLC? I have no idea.
So, when they get a call last Tuesday that you were seen aiming a pistol out the window of your car and possibly firing it another motorist after a traffic dispute
, you can bet your last sweet cup of vanilla pudding that they WILL respond to that.And by respond I mean they WILL find you, they WILL detain you, and they will have us tow your car to the station's designated "toss pit" where they can execute a search warrant on it and toss it for said weapon.
They find the gun, and it's an airsoft pistol, so lucky for you, you escape this episode of "Dips#its and the Law" without felony charges, and will likely only face criminal mischief/disorderly conduct. But since they're rather cross with you right now, they tell you to just go home, get out of their hair, and if they DO feel like charging you with something, you'll get a notice in the mail in the next 30 days....
They then have us impound the vehicle since the station doesn't have any place to put your ride for the night and they can't just leave it in the toss pit, since another tosser may be in need of tossing later on....
Now, having never been investigated for a felony myself (that I know of
) I don't know what the normal course of action is when one gets hauled in and tossed by the cops.The owner of this car decided to disappear for a week, it wasn't until yesterday he called us looking for his car.
We inform him that it's $130 for the tow, and 6 days of storage at $30 a day, you do the math on that because I'm a liberal arts major and resolutely refuse to crunch numbers for anyone who isn't Internal Revenue.
Done it yet?
Doesn't really matter what you got, because our tosser decides he deserves to get the car for free.
Heh, good one, but April was last month.... wait, you weren't joking?
[Sideshow Bob]Euuuughghghghghghghhhhhh....[/Sideshow Bob]
Yeah, in true COPS fashion, he says "his cousin" was driving the car and shooting at everyone else, twasn't him.
You know? The same cousin that features in every single episode ever of law enforcement documentaries? Who keeps storing his smack, meth, coke, firearms, human trafficking victims, plutonium and stolen works of art in someone else's pants? And they keep getting away scott-free while the person who "just was holdin on to it for a bit" for him goes to the clink? Yeah, THAT cousin....
Well, that's all nice and good, we tell him, but, until we get $ you don't get the car, your cousin doesn't get the car, in fact, without settling the bill first NOBODY is getting this car, except maybe Goober the scrap yard operator assuming the DOT hasn't confiscated his rollback truck for being the dictionary picture of "unsafe" yet...... (I think ONE of the marker lights still works, after every other pothole at least
) Tosser gets angry, aren't we listening? It wasn't him! We can't make him pay for his car, he dindu nuffin (tm)
YEah, whatever, come get it today, or come get in "N" days from now for "N + $35" more. Otherwise your car sits in the auto-gulag until the state withers away and real communism arrives, your choice.
He cusses a bit and terminates the phone call.
Several hours later, we see a guy loitering around the gate to the impound, making like he's counting when the trucks go in and out and thinking about running in.
Since they recently built a new towing department office back here, you can't do that without getting noticed by the guy sitting in the shipping container with the window cut in it that now sits besides said gate. (I said we got an office, didn't say it was a GOOD one)
We ask him what he's doing.
He spins the yarn of woe about how his cousin got his car impounded and he needs it and can't afford blah blah blah blah you get picture. It's tosser. In all his non-glory.
We tell him tough, pay or get lost. Just like we earlier discussed.
He circles the block and comes back and starts staking us out again.
We AGAIN ask him what's wrong. Because he's acting like he wants to get tossed again by the cops for loitering. Is that what he wants?
He says he needs to get the keys out of the car (they're still in it from when the car got tossed) because his house key is on there (or apartment or cardboard box or whatever, we just KNOW this isn't the case, he's hoping to be let in on a sympathy pretext and then hes' going to make a mad dash for his car and leave without paying....) so we tell him "fine" we'll let you do that, just fill out this "property retrieval" form first.
BTW: said form requires YOU to sign your name to it and for us to xerox your driver's license and attach it to said form, while under the eye of SIX cameras, two in the office, two in the yard, one at the gate and one at the sidewalk ..... cumulatively, a cover our ass move for what we think he's about to do...... he can't be THAT stupid, can he?
He goes out to his car, gets in, and being only two spots from the exit, starts it up and bolts before the gate can close on him....
[SideshowBob]Neughghghghhhhhhhhhh......[/SideshowBob]
*beep* *bloop* *beep*
Hello? Police? Remember Tosser? What's he done now, you say? Oh nothing, just theft of services..... why yes, we'd very much LIKE to press charges. Do you need his address? I have it right off his license.... oh, you still have it from when you tossed him last week? Nevermind then. Oh yes, we're sure it was him, got him on a half-dozen cameras doing it.... you'll pick him up? Great.
About an hour later we get a call, from a lady we've never heard from before. She says she's Tosser's landlady, and would like to know exactly what it was he did that just caused three Borough cops to show up at the apartment block and haul him off.... we inform her of his little illegal (not to mention poorly conceived) attempt at a discount earlier in the day.
She clucks her teeth and says "Too bad, now I'll have to evict him for violating that part in the lease about not breaking the law on my property" which is where Tosser fled to with the car, natch. "About time, nobody in the building likes him, I've been waiting for an excuse"
You don't say....
Next you'll be telling me that Arsenic ISN'T part of a healthy breakfast, Slobodan Milosevic wasn't a very nice guy and the Pittsburgh Pirates sure do a lot of losing.......
So, to cap it all off, Tosser not only got tossed for a misdemeanor charge of criminal mischief for brandishing a BB gun, he then ramped it up into a felony by stealing from us, and is now being tossed from his home too, and likely tossed in a cell where someone can toss his salad...
Why oh why do some people INSIST on playing the game of life on "hard", and then also purchasing the "Make it Worse" DLC? I have no idea.
I'd have posted a lot sooner except ... I can't remember my password (it's set on 'automatic' on my home computer). But yay! Another Tow Tales!
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